SCENE TWO: INSIDE LINDA ZAPATOS’ OFFICE
FLIP TOCCO
Honesty compels me to say, Linda, that I’m excited about this season. I know my contract is up at the end, but rest assured, I plan on enlightening the masses for decades to come!
LINDA ZAPATOS
I hope you are around for a long time, Flip. I think you’re grand.
FLIP TOCCO
I think the fans are really starting to warm up to me, too. My car only got egged four times last year, I didn’t have one instance of flaming dog poop on my porch and my hate mail was non-existent.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Actually, sweetie, the FBI filtered through your mail all year. Remember the guy who threatened to beat you to death with a frozen Polish sausage if you continued to call it “Chi-town?” The Feds took him seriously.
FLIP TOCCO
Oh. That explains the time that guy got tazered at the Weiner’s Circle…
LINDA ZAPATOS
I want to run an idea by you. I think we can add an element to our broadcasts that will make you more popular than you’ve ever been.
FLIP TOCCO
I’m all ears!
LINDA ZAPATOS (to herself)
Among other things.
LINDA ZAPATOS (out loud)
What would you say if, we set up a blog for you, and you could answer questions that fans’ post to it during games?
FLIP TOCCO
We did that a couple years ago when we had fans e-mail us during the games. Last year we didn’t get any.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Yeah, the FBI might have screened those, too.
FLIP TOCCO
I’m all about the interactivity! I love my computer. I check out all the top baseball sites every day. Baseball Think Factory, Baseball America, Baseball Prospectus, Shaved Brazilian Boys.com…
LINDA ZAPATOS
I know you do! Wait, what was the last one?
FLIP TOCCO (ignoring her question)
Let’s do it! Let’s set it up and start it tomorrow. This is going to be great. I’m confident that my public adores me!
Flip gets up and leaves the office.
Linda goes to the main office and summons Brent David.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Intern! Come here! You’re computerish, right?
BRENT DAVID
Computerish? Yeah…uh, sure.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Good, make a blog for the broadcasts. Then tell MLB Interactive about it. Have it on my desk by three.
BRENT DAVID
Make a what for the what? A blog? MLB who? How can I put a blog on your desk.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Good. Get crackin’.
CARRIE FITCH (to Brent)
Man, you are so screwed!
I hope Kurt Russell plays me in this show. I like his style…not to mention that killer head of hair he’s got.
I can’t believe he finally read one of my e-mails!
Jizmop?!!!! That kills. I am cucrently trying to fit that in to my conversation here at work. Make that, I WILL fit that into my conversation here at work.
What is this show about? It seems like an excuse to make crude jokes. There isn’t much of a plot.
Maybe Fox will buy it?
Who the hell is Mr. Berry?
And for that I apoligize…
Originally Flip Tocco had a different name. Then, I realized it wasn’t mean enough. Must have missed one.
Write a dose about me and my pitching skillz!
That is two nights in a row Baker has used Gremlin/Neifi as his one/two punch off the bench. I am no Hairston fan (yet), but what about Dew Boyz or Hairston? Dusty is digging his grave quickly. Lefty vs. Righty Righty vs. Lefty. How about your best hitter verus a crappy reliever from Arizona? I would like those chances. Good Luck Dusty……See you in rehab!
That’s Doo-bwah.
DJ, I love it when you analyze. 2 wins in the bank, 160 to go…yes!!!
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