SCENE TWO: CUBS TICKET OFFICE, WRIGLEY FIELD, CHICAGO
TICKET OFFICE WINDOW CLERK
Mr. Barone! There’s a gentleman here with an issue.
CUBS TICKET MANAGER DAN BARONE (looks through her ticket window)
Where is he?
TICKET OFFICE WINDOW CLERK
He’s down there. (Points outside, below the level of the ticket counter)
DAN BARONE
Oh, hi there sir. How can I help you.
Barone sees a man in a wheel chair, pulled up too close to the window to be easily seen.
BARNEY FARGAS (yelling)
I’m Barney Fargas and I’m 62 years old and I’ve been a season ticket holder for a number of years now and I asked for handicapped accessible season tickets this year and I got the same two (bleeping) seats I’ve been getting for…a number of years!
DAN BARONE (turns a computer screen towards him)
I think I can help you sir. Is that last name F-A-R-G-A-S?
BARNEY FARGAS (yelling)
No! It’s F-A-R, you know Far? G-A-S, you know, Gas!
DAN BARONE (mutters)
Just like I said.
Barone calls up Fargas’ seat locations.
DAN BARONE
OK, sir. You have a partial season ticket plan, that includes Opening Day and your two seats are in section 503.
DAN BARONE (muttering to himself)
I didn’t even we know we sold season tickets for those (bleeping) seats. He might as well have seats in the McDonald’s parking lot for all he can see from there.
DAN BARONE
Sir? Did you have these same seats last year? I mean, the information shows you did. How did you get to them last year?
BARNEY FARGAS
I (bleeping) walked to them! You think I’ve been in this (bleeping) wheelchair my whole life? This is a new deal, buster! I don’t like it. But I’ve been watching this (bleeping) team play for…a number of years, and I’m not stopping now!
DAN BARONE
OK, sir. We can upgrade you to a pair of handicap accessible seats. Unfortunately, the only ones we have available are much closer to the field.
BARNEY FARGAS
They’re better seats? What’s so unfortunate about that? Buster, you’ve got (bleep) in your brains if you think the good seats are way up.
DAN BARONE
What I meant, sir, is that these seats are much more expensive than the ones you have.
BARNEY FARGAS
(Bleep)! You’re gonna tell me that you sold me seats I can’t get to, and if I want seats I can get to, I have to pay more? I don’t think so! It says right here that I’m entitled to fair and equal treatment under the law.
DAN BARONE
Are you holding up a copy of the Constitution, sir?
BARNEY FARGAS
No, (bleep)(bleep), it’s a thing from the Americans with Disabilities web site that my daughter printed off for me.
DAN BARONE
Sir, I’m going to have you come on in here and we can sit down and figure out a ticket plan for you.
BARNEY FARGAS
What am I supposed to do? Squeeze through that little slot?
DAN BARONE
You can come on in the entrance over there, just to your right.
BARNEY FARGAS
You mean there are doors on this (bleeping) thing? Why have I been yelling through this window for an hour?
TICKET OFFICE WINDOW CLERK (to Barone)
Sir, this old (bleeper)’s only been out there for about five minutes.
DAN BARONE (to the Ticket Office Window Clerk)
I know.
“Oh, that’s unfortunate”
Now, that sounds like something Ryne would actually say.
I doubt anyone sees this, whats up with the script thing anyway, but Carrie Muskat over on cubs.com was asked if Wuertz should be the closer?He has had success in AAA with this and Hawkins seems more suited for a set up role. Muskat’s reply was “with this logic the Yankees should give up on Rivera, after all he has two blown saves” What the Fu*&%!!! What about last year, or the years in Minnesota when they tried it? Im sick of this Tribune bullshit that they always spew out. Do they think we are that stupid? OK I feel better now.
“Resent the inference” needs to be updated more often. We say stupid things every day!
Yeah, we are a stupid bunch of assclowns, aren’t we?
Then again, we own a bunch of newspapers, a tv station, a ball club, plenty of real estate, our own scalping agency, plus we get a piece of said ball club’s merchandising. Hell, we even get $ from the stupid fucks that live across the street. Yet you idiots keep showing up, and paying top dollar for all kinds of shit. With all the money we make, you’d think we’d have bought a winner by now. Well, with our great fan base, we don’t need to. Yeah, a real bunch of assclowns, huh?
I am absolutely worthless.
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