SCENE THREE: CONFERENCE ROOM B, WRIGLEY FIELD, CHICAGO
RYNE SANDBERG
…and Johnstone used to put refrigerator magnets on Zimmer’s head—and they’d stick! Don spent half a game onetime with a magnet schedule on his head and he didn’t even know it!
Several employees laugh.
CARRIE FITCH (to Mitch Kricksteen)
Who put a quarter in Ryno? He’s got like an actual personality all of a sudden.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
I always heard he was like the biggest prankster on the team when he played. I heard that one time he put some of that Atomic Balm cream in Leon Durham’s jock strap. Leon ran around during batting practice like his crotch was on fire.
CARRIE FITCH
His crotch was on fire? I thought Mark Grace was the only one who had to go on the DL with a venereal disease?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
No, the stuff in his jock got hot. It’s like Icy Hot. They pulled the same prank in ‘Revenge of the Nerds.’
CARRIE FITCH
Oh, yeah. Like I watched that (bleep) movie.
RYNE SANDBERG
Did I ever tell you guys about the time I got Larry Bowa with the hot foot and he had to stick his foot in the toilet to put it out? No? Do you guys know what a hot foot is? It’s when you sneak up on somebody and set his shoe laces on fire. I was pretty good at it. Being able to sneak up on them is just as important as getting a good fire going. The only time I almost hurt somebody was when Tom Veryzer and I got the big idea to soak Ron Cey’s shoestrings in lighterfluid the night before. So we waited until he left, unlaced his shoes, dipped the laces in lighter fluid and then put them back in his shoes. The next day I got him by the batting cage and the fire jumped up off his shoes and started his pants on fire. Plus, Cey’s legs are only about nine inches long, so we’re lucky the fire didn’t get all the way to his crotch! (laughs)
CARRIE FITCH (to Brent David)
Suddenly, Ryne’s attractive.
BRENT DAVID
Yeah…wait, what? No.
“Oh, that’s unfortunate”
Now, that sounds like something Ryne would actually say.
I doubt anyone sees this, whats up with the script thing anyway, but Carrie Muskat over on cubs.com was asked if Wuertz should be the closer?He has had success in AAA with this and Hawkins seems more suited for a set up role. Muskat’s reply was “with this logic the Yankees should give up on Rivera, after all he has two blown saves” What the Fu*&%!!! What about last year, or the years in Minnesota when they tried it? Im sick of this Tribune bullshit that they always spew out. Do they think we are that stupid? OK I feel better now.
“Resent the inference” needs to be updated more often. We say stupid things every day!
Yeah, we are a stupid bunch of assclowns, aren’t we?
Then again, we own a bunch of newspapers, a tv station, a ball club, plenty of real estate, our own scalping agency, plus we get a piece of said ball club’s merchandising. Hell, we even get $ from the stupid fucks that live across the street. Yet you idiots keep showing up, and paying top dollar for all kinds of shit. With all the money we make, you’d think we’d have bought a winner by now. Well, with our great fan base, we don’t need to. Yeah, a real bunch of assclowns, huh?
I am absolutely worthless.
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