SCENE FOUR: CUBS PR OFFICE, LATER IN THE DAY, WRIGLEY FIELD, CHICAGO
DAN BARONE
So you see, Linda, I had to upgrade this guy from the 500 level down to the 300 level just so he could have a place to park his wheelchair.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Those handicapped people have it so easy. My feet are killing me. What I wouldn’t give to be able to push myself around all day in a chair.
DAN BARONE
Uh…yeah, sure. Anyway, normally we require a letter from a doctor as proof of a person’s disability. But since opening day is tomorrow and I wanted to avoid any bad press if I made this guy wait until he proved it, I upgraded him anyway. He’s pretty cranky, though. I was wondering if you guys could put together a package for him that we could give him at the game tomorrow. You know, maybe a media guide, a new Cubs hat, maybe a t-shirt?
LINDA ZAPATOS
Sure, we’ve got all kinds of crap like that. Just give me his seat location and I’ll have one of the interns drop off the stuff just before the opening day ceremonies start tomorrow.
DAN BARONE
Thanks, Linda. You know…
LINDA ZAPATOS
What?
DAN BARONE
No, never mind.
LINDA ZAPATOS
No, come on. It was something. What?
DAN BARONE
I shouldn’t say anything. It’s just that I got the feeling that when I had this guy in my office this morning, that, that maybe he’s not really crippled.
LINDA ZAPATOS
You think he’s faking?
DAN BARONE
He just seemed too mobile in that wheel chair. I mean he dropped a pen on the floor and he practically got out of the chair to pick it up.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Why would he fake?
DAN BARONE
Well, the deal I had to give him, means he’s sitting in the equivalent of $40 seats for about $14 a game. It’s a pretty good deal, and he seemed to really know what he wanted.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Give me his phone number. I’ve got an idea.
Barone looks on the ticket form and writes down Barney Fargas’ number for Linda. Linda takes it out into the office and gives it to Carrie Fitch.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Is Ryno still around?
CARRIE FITCH
Yeah, I think he’s down giving the Intern and Mitch a tour of the home dugout. Man, who knew that guy actually had so many stories?
LINDA ZAPATOS
Call Mitch’s cell and see if he can Ryne to come back up here for a minute. If he can, call this guy and ask him to drop by the park if he can for a special surprise.
“Oh, that’s unfortunate”
Now, that sounds like something Ryne would actually say.
I doubt anyone sees this, whats up with the script thing anyway, but Carrie Muskat over on cubs.com was asked if Wuertz should be the closer?He has had success in AAA with this and Hawkins seems more suited for a set up role. Muskat’s reply was “with this logic the Yankees should give up on Rivera, after all he has two blown saves” What the Fu*&%!!! What about last year, or the years in Minnesota when they tried it? Im sick of this Tribune bullshit that they always spew out. Do they think we are that stupid? OK I feel better now.
“Resent the inference” needs to be updated more often. We say stupid things every day!
Yeah, we are a stupid bunch of assclowns, aren’t we?
Then again, we own a bunch of newspapers, a tv station, a ball club, plenty of real estate, our own scalping agency, plus we get a piece of said ball club’s merchandising. Hell, we even get $ from the stupid fucks that live across the street. Yet you idiots keep showing up, and paying top dollar for all kinds of shit. With all the money we make, you’d think we’d have bought a winner by now. Well, with our great fan base, we don’t need to. Yeah, a real bunch of assclowns, huh?
I am absolutely worthless.
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