EPISODE SIX: Stay Out of the Closet (Part Two)

PREVIOUSLY ON THE FRONT OFFICE: Cubs’ intern Brent David got a visit from his college friend Jason Bell. They went to Casey Moran’s to hang out with some of the “cool” people from the Cubs front office. Brent met Kate Durham, a very cute, very drunk blonde in town visiting her aunt. After much coaxing from Bell, Brent leaves with Kate. Mitch Kricksteen learns that Kate is actually the 17-year old niece of Brent’s boss, Linda Zapatos, who is also at the bar with her softball team, The Rainbow Warriors.

WARNING: This episode of The Front Office contains subject matter of an adult matter. Those with delicate sensibilities, or weak stomachs should proceed with caution.

SCENE ONE: SOMEWHERE IN LAKEVIEW

BRENT DAVID
Kate, are you sure you know where you live?

KATE DURHAM
Sheboygan, silly!

BRENT DAVID
Right. Where are we walking to, though, again?

KATE DURHAM
Oh, to my aunt’s. Yeah she lives in a place that looks just…like…(points at a random building)…this one. Only it’s bigger and purple!

BRENT DAVID
She lives in a purple brownstone?

KATE DURHAM
OK, maybe not purple purple, but purple-ish. It’s lavendish. Lavenderier. Lavenderish! Hah! Wait. Stop!

BRENT DAVID
Oh, do you see it!

KATE DURHAM
No. I have to (throws up)…throw (throws up some more) up.

BRENT DAVID
Yeah, we need to get you home.

KATE DURHAM
I’m sure I’m really sexy now. Wow. When did I eat that? What is that? Is that lung? Hah!

BRENT DAVID
Do you feel better?

KATE DURHAM
Yeah. I’m still drunk. Hey, you got some mud on your pants there.

BRENT DAVID
Huh? (Looks down)

KATE DURHAM
Oh, never mind. That’s not mud. I have no idea what that was. Could be chutney. Hah! Wait. (Throws up again). OK, I’m ready. Where is this place?

BRENT DAVID
Are you sure you know where we’re going? Maybe we should go to my place.

KATE DURHAM
Porno! Wow, you are smooth! You are a regular Digger Dirkly. Hah! Digger Dirkly? I’m plowed. Hey, have you ever seen that movie? They show his (bleep). But it’s not really his. It’s a proth…prosthe…protesty…

BRENT DAVID
Prosthesis?

KATE DURHAM
It’s FAKE! And HUGE! Hah!

BRENT DAVID
How about an address? Maybe just a street? A number? Something?

KATE DURHAM
It’s right here!

She points up at a brownstone with a purple awning over the porch. Brent is skeptical.

Kate digs around in her purse for the keys.

KATE DURHAM
Ick! Oh, Brad, did I puke in my purse?

BRENT DAVID
Uh, not that I saw.

KATE DURHAM
Oh, never mind. I had a pudding cup in here, I must have squished it. I’m glad I remembered that because for a second I thought maybe I crapped in here. Again. Hah! That’s a joke son. I don’t have the same poop compulsion problems that you do.

BRENT DAVID
For like the tenth time, I was not on my way to take a dump at the bar. I had a few beers, I had to pee.

KATE DURHAM
Key works! Come on up, cutie! I’ll show you around.

They walk up to the second floor where Kate opens the door to a nice two bedroom apartment. Brent takes a look around and sees an autographed Melissa Ethridge poster and some pretty expensive looking Cubs memorabilia decorating the small living room.

KATE DURHAM
I’m gonna go brush my teeth. I’m not sure if you remember but I horked all over the sidewalk down there! Hah! Wait..(runs into bathroom, throws up again.)

BRENT DAVID
Are you all right?

KATE DURHAM
I’m fine! That one was all stomach acid and stuff! I’m empty! Fill me up, bad boy! Hah! Oh, I’m hilarious tonight!

Kate comes out of the bathroom holding the biggest bottle of Scope that Brent has ever seen. It’s half empty. She’s got a mouthful of it and is trying to talk to him.

KATE DURHAM
Mfff, mmmmhhh, rffff, grrrr!

BRENT DAVID
What?

KATE DURHAM
Mrrrffffllllloooo!

BRENT DAVID
Huh?

Kate goes into the bathroom and spits out the mouthwash into the sink and puts the bottle away.

KATE DURHAM
Sorry, I couldn’t decide whether to spit or swallow! Hah! Oh, I’m saucy tonight! You must think I’m a real slut. Bringing a boy back to my aunt’s place while she’s out playing softball.

BRENT DAVID
Softball? That explains the Ethridge poster, I guess.

Kate sits down on a couch and pats an empty spot next to her. Despite the fact she’s horrendously drunk, Brent can’t help think she’s pretty hot. He sits down next to her and they start kissing.

KATE DURHAM
How’s that? Do I need more Scope? (Cups her hand holds it in front of her nose and breathes into it.) I really threw up a lot, didn’t I? That’s embarassing.

BRENT DAVID
It might really be better if you’d stop talking about it.

They start kissing again.

Brent’s really getting into it.

Wow, she’s a really good kisser. I never know what to do with my tongue but this is great. Wait, her tongue stopped. Maybe I should jam mine down there farther! Uh oh.

Brent pulls back and Kate falls head first into his lap. She’s passed out.

BRENT DAVID
Damnit! Hey, wake up, OK? (Pats her face.) Aww (bleep).

Brent gently pushes her back so she’s sitting comfortably on the couch. He lets go of her and she falls to the side and then curls up on the couch. She’s out.