Over the years, Desipio has had the pleasure of interviewing a number of prominent movers and shakers in sports. Karry Ling scored the first ever interview with Steve Bartman and it was so fresh, Karry didn’t even know what his name was, he just called him Headphone Guy. Gabor Bako, Benny the Bull, Dick Jauron and a host of…uh…tens have sat down to talk with us.
This one was different. Cubs’ announcer Len Kasper actually answered the questions himself, and we didn’t have to make them up. What a novel idea.
So, without further adieu (and really, who likes adieu?), here are Len Kasper’s answers to our questions.
Len Kasper: Hey Everybody, I’m sitting on the team bus on the way to San Diego from Los Angeles after the Cubs’ sweep over the Dodgers as I write this. Andy and I talked awhile back (well, it was more of an email conversation) about doing a Q&A for the site. Sounds like fun, although God knows what I might be getting into here. Alright, let’s do this.
Q: What is it like to go from announcing for the Brewers and the Marlins (two teams with viewerships that could fit into my basement–remarkable because I don’t have a basement) to announcing for the Cubs and reaching millions of people? — TJ Brown
TJ, I didn’t have a basement in Florida either (doesn’t work well in the tropics!). Well, the first
thing to consider is, they’re all big league teams, so there are similarities. While I’m in the booth doing the game, it feels very similar actually. I’ve been in the National League at every stop, so there’s a familiarity there. But, everything around this job is very different. The passion of the fans, the enormity of the fan base, the market, the city, the media-it’s definitely an adjustment. But I feel comfortable so far and it’s getting more comfortable by the day. P.S., Why no basement?
Q: Will you and the Moustache do a game from the bleachers this year? — Mike D.
Mike, easy now. On that note, at the time of this writing, the Cubs have won 6 straight. Some may
remember a challenge put out to Bob and me early in the season-we promised that if the Cubs win 10 straight, he’ll shave his ‘stache and I’ll grow one. So, a sweep over the Padres and you can call me Moustache.
Oh, I almost forgot to answer your question. I haven’t heard that we’re going to do a game from the bleachers. Did Chip and Stoney do it every year? I know Harry used to but I don’t remember seeing Chip and Stoney out there. Interesting idea.
Q: Uh, Mr. Kasper sir, without resorting to naming names, do you think Cubs management now regrets rewarding certain players with lucrative long-term contracts? I’ll sit down and wait for my answer. Thank you. — The Uncouth Sloth
Hi Sloth, might you be referring to Aramis Ramirez? His hot streak lately indicates he might be getting back to his 2004 form. Look, ideally you could give every player a one-year deal and make them play for their next contract every season. But it doesn’t work that way. You try to give the long-term deals to those guys you feel have a good track record and will stay healthy. I think Derrek Lee’s deal looks a good bargain right now, don’t you? Here’s hoping one day you become “couth.” And next time call me Len.
Q: Alyssa Milano was at those Dodger games to see you, wasn’t she? The last couple years you were in Florida, she was at the Marlins games. Now you switch to the Cubs and here she is. Coincidence? — Karry Ling
Karry, if you’d like to start those rumors, feel free. I have no comment on the situation.
Q: A fully grown Grizzly Bear escapes from the Lincoln Park Zoo and wanders onto Wrigley Field. The bear is attracted by the scent of your Hi Karate aftershave. You can only choose one Cubs player to distract and maul the bear. Which Cub do you choose? Choose wisely. – Andy
First off Andy, I don’t wear aftershave. I go with the electric razor. Nor do I moisterize, which comes from my time in Florida-the humidity took care of it. Now back in the Midwest, I may have to begin using the lotion again. But I digress. Hmmm, I have to pick a Cubs player to merely distract the bear, right? Does he have to maul him too? My guess is that amateur magician Ryan Dempster could hypnotize the bear while the proper animal control officials hit the scene.
Q: Speaking as a fan, it is greatly appreciated to not become imprisoned by a broadcaster talking all of the time, which was your predecessor’s specialty. My question is–do you make a conscious effort to not constantly talk, or does that kind of restraint come naturally to you? — Mike D.
Hi Mike, I’ll only comment on how I approach things-I do make a conscious effort to not speak sometimes. One of my basic philosophies of doing play-by-play on television is, don’t annoy the heck out of the viewer. One way to do that is to zip it every once in awhile. People can see what’s going on, so to over-talk gets old really fast. Bob Brenly is very good at letting the game come to him-he doesn’t talk just to have his voice heard. He’s very good at chiming in on game-related stuff when appropriate. I think our telecasts have good spacing. I like the viewers being able to hear the PA announcer, the vendors, the bat crack, etc. I guess I’ve always felt like having restraint was easy because the game’s the thing. It’s not about us. Just the way I do it and everybody’s different.
Q: As a Marquette alum, how embarrassing was it that not only did their third attempt at a nickname end with the choice “Gold”, but then they couldn’t even stick with it? What should the nickname be? — Umberto Diener
Hi Umberto, related to Travis by chance? I would say embarrassing is a strong word, but it certainly was a head-scratcher. I was never attached very strongly to Warriors. I always felt a connection to Marquette. So when the original name change occurred, I cared about it as much as I care about my tan. But this latest one, wow, just totally unnecessary. It should have either gone back to Warriors or it should have remained Golden Eagles. I think maybe they should sell naming rights on it. Just be the Marquette Geicos or the Marquette Lincoln-Mercury Dealers for a few years and add a few million to the university coffers.
Q: Given the current state of shortstopping in the National League, if Neifi Perez doesn’t suffer a
serious slump, is it really possible he might be an All-Star? — Tony L.
Tony, right on! Nomar might win the voting, but obviously, he can’t play. I’m not positive on the
rules whether or not they would take the second-place vote-getter in that case, but if David Eckstein for instance finished second and they made him the starter, that severelly hurts Neifi’s chances. Izturis is the best shortstop in the league, Clint Barmes has been really good and then there’s Neifi right now. So, yes, he deserves a lot of consideration.
Q: Has anyone ever heard Henry Blanco speak? Ever? Is he like former Pirate Francisco Cordova who was from a part of Mexico so far south that it had a dialect so strange that for three years in the minors he couldn’t talk to anybody? – Andy
Andy, as a member of the Hank White fanclub, I’m shocked you won’t know the answer to that question! Henry speaks very good Spanish AND English. In fact, he’s one of my favorite guys. Always pleasant in the clubhouse and has always answered all my silly questions regarding catching and the pitchers he’s worked with.
Q: Did you hear that your partner, Bob Brenly, managed the Diamondbacks in 2001, the year they won the World Series? — TJ Brown
TJ, did you know Andy Dolan hit .426 in T-ball?
Q: Am I still on the team? — Cliff Bartosh — No, seriously, am I? Maybe I missed a plane? They gave me a pocket schedule at the end of Spring Training. It says we’re in LA and San Diego this weekend. Does Dusty know I’m still on the team?
Hi Cliff, yup, you’re still in the pen. You’ve done a nice job too.
Q: Julie Bowen (Ed’s Carol Vessey) has a sitcom on the ABC fall schedule. We’ve endured Kathy and Judy, Jeff Gordon, some high school football team, etc. How about inviting Julie to sing the seventh inning stretch this summer and convince her that we always take the seventh inning stretch singer out for dinner? — Andy
Andy, first off, if she has a new show coming up, I instantly nominate it for the best TV show of all-time (at least the episodes she’s in). Secondly, if we could get Julie Bowen in the TV booth for a
half-inning, I could then be struck by a foul ball in the temple and die happy. I’m not saying that I’m a big fan of hers, but I’d probably want to keep her in the booth for the remaining 2 ½ innings that day. She would also be welcome to co-host the 10th inning show as well. To be honest with you, even if we just had Tom Cavanagh on, I’d just keep saying to him, “So tell us more about Julie Bowen.”
Q: Which current Cub seems the most likely to have a career in broadcasting after his baseball career is over, and why? — Karry Ling
Ryan Dempster is an easy choice because of his on-camera presence and his wit.
Q: In the second game in LA you spotted Jeff Garlin sitting in the stands, and started to tell the story of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that was filmed partly at Dodger Stadium. How long would you have remained employed by the Cubs had you explained the plot of that episode, which involved Larry hiring a prostitute to ride to the game with him so he could use the car pool lane on the freeway? — Crazee Eyes Killa
Crazee, the other thing I didn’t mention is that that particular episode was used in a trial to exonerate a guy who had been in jail for killing someone. They had this guy on film at the actual game, which gave him an alibi and he was released. Now the 2-2 pitch, fouled away.
Q: You have a great angle, high up above home plate, for every game. From there can you actually see Jim Edmonds slow down on flyballs so he can dive at them and get on SportsCenter? — Jim R.
Jim, one thing I’ve noticed now that I’m with the Cubs is how hated Jim Edmonds is. Will I get killed on the message boards for saying he’s a really good player? You don’t have to answer that.
Q: Would you agree that until you’ve seen a player play 100 times in person, you really don’t have a concept of how good he is? — Jim Tocco
Hi Jim, interesting question. You definitely should have a much better idea of a guy’s ability after
watching him for a good amount. However, your eyes can lie to you too. The numbers normally don’t lie. So, if you show me a guy who plays for a few years with a .390 OBP and a .570 slugging %, chances are I’m going to like him a whole lot without having to see much of him at all.
Q: Len, you appear normal. Your job affords you complete access to all things Cub, yet you still wander over to Desipio. Why? — TJ Brown
TJ, as I believe it may have been Squiggy from “Laverne and Shirley” who once said (and I actually
talked to him in the press box at Dodger Stadium the other night, true story), “The doctor says I’m
abnormal-absolutely normal.”
I wandered originally over to Desipio just after I got the job and saw Dolan taking some shots at
me-something referring to Dawson’s Creek and how young I was. Which is funny considering Andy still isn’t old enough to vote. But, anyway, I emailed him and said that what he wrote made me laugh out loud. So, I check it out to see what kind of stuff he’s stirring up and what the kids are saying. And I have to say, the minute “Kashmir, Indiana” came out of my mouth (had no clue I had even said it until our producer told me), I knew I’d be seeing that thing somewhere on Desipio the next day. I was right. Leave it to you guys to NEVER let me make a mistake! Bottom line is,
I’m human, I’d like to think I’m able to poke fun at myself and I know that Andy and his buddies are more than happy to help me do that!
Q: Assuming they were all healthy at the same time (assuming is the key word), which Cubs starter is most likely to throw the first Cubs’ no hitter since Milt Pappas and why? — Bruce F.
Geez Bruce, what a boring question. This was just getting good. I’ll indulge-Carlos Zambrano gave up a bloop double the other night and could have no-hit the Dodgers. I think he, Prior and Wood are all great candidates. It takes a little luck, but they all could no-hit somebody, no question.
Q: Let’s say that one of Bob’s kids has a surprise graduation and Dan Plesac is out with pleurisy, how many people would John McDonough have to call and be turned down by before Andy would get a chance to fill in and announce a game with you? — Andy’s mom
Well Mrs. Dolan, I’d have to say the only way Andy would have a shot would be if Jeff Gordon’s kid was graduating.
And finally (mock applause fills the Internet):
James L. wants to ask you Bernard Pivot’s infamous 10 questions.
01. What is your favorite word?
Erstwhile
02. What is your least favorite word?
Spam
03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Any song by Tommy Keene
04. What turns you off?
People who fail to see both sides of an issue and people who never say, “I screwed up.”
05. What is your favorite curse word?
I’ve used most of them and they all have a special place in my heart
06. What sound or noise do you love?
My son’s voice
07. What sound or noise do you hate?
My alarm clock at 7 am on getaway day
08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Julie Bowen’s personal assistant
09. What profession would you not like to do?
Michael Jackson’s personal assistant
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
I have two: “You cared about other people’s feelings” and “When’s Prior coming back?”
Oh, Lenny! I love you man, but I was clearly the answer to the Grizzly Bear attack question. You think Dempster’s little “hide the salami” magic trick is going to stop a bear? I rip his arms off and beat him to death with them!
The bear, not Dempster.
Unless he blows one of my saves!
I keel the bear!
I asked the All-Star question.
Oh, the Desipiots are clever.
Saw my buddy Bruce F. asked the no-hitter one, too.
We love Len Kasper.
Thanks for using my questions, Andy, especially my back-of-the-hand bitch slap at Chip. I loved his answer:
“One of my basic philosophies of doing play-by-play on television is, don’t annoy the heck out of the viewer.”
You’re right. He DOES get it.
I forgot to send any of my questions to Andy (He probably wouldn’t have used them anyway), but I find it interesting that Len likes the word “erstwhile” as well…
I know I was hard on Len at the beginning of the season, but I am beginning to like him a little bit… Still too boring at times, but I guess after so many years of Chip Caray I couldn’t recognize good announcing for at least two months or so.
B.C. that makes no sense–“after so many years of Chip Caray I couldn’t recognize good announcing for at least two months or so.”
It is precisely BECAUSE Caray was so bad that Kasper sounds abso-friggin-lutely outstanding. After that fuckmonkey Caray, Lou Ferrigno would sound like a great broadcaster.
I’m too late? I wanted to ask him if he would make a sensitivity training video for the Cubs.
Screw you Stew! I made the sensitivity training video for the Cubs this year! In it I showed how sensitive Jim Edmonds is to fastballs thrown at his gnads!
Len, I mean Mr. Kasper, I mean Sir…, they always taught us at reform school to refer to all our superiors as Mr. or Sir, as well as stare (intently) into their eyes while speaking.
You were talking about me, weren’t you Sloth?
Leave me out of this…you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
Hey… guys? Do you want to ask me some questions?
That was a good old fashioned interview, folks. Honesty compels me to say, that, while Len does a fine job, he rarely talks about the visibility. Or his wonderful family for that matter. He’s young yet, he’ll learn. Look at me, I took my lumps and got to where I am now on good old fashioned hard work. Swung on and belted!!!
How’s the sweater collection coming along? I bet they feel great against the skin after a few hours in the booth in Atlanta.
When did you realize you were gay?
I want to know what kind of ‘stupid’ questions he asks Pale Hank about catching…as a matter of fact, I’d love to see/hear one of those conversations…
Thank you, Andy and Desipiots for asking such fun questions, and thank you Len for being awesome. It’s funny, I read just a couple of days ago about how the Minnesota Twins are fans of one of their die-hard bloggers (batgirl) and this is probably as close as any independant Cubs blog is going to get to the kind of team interaction she was treated to.
And by the way, for Len and anyone else who smiled/laughed at the fact that “spam” is his least favorite word: http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Scripts/TheSpamSketch
1. I currently have 77 sweaters…but Biggio is borrowing three of them, and he stained two others. So just 72 currently.
2. I realized I was gay in 1982.
What am I Len, chopped liver? No mention of me huh? I’m what got you to the top, you can’t make it to the big time if you don’t have style. You’ll need me again in the fall Len, don’t piss me off.
“Team interaction” sure leaves you sore all over the next day.
Tell me about it.
Screw the mustache! Len said he’d let Crazy Carlos shave his balls during the seventh inning stretch if my hit streak goes to 10 games!
Seriously, I think the reason Batgirl is so popular with the team is because she, uh, doesn’t insult them. We tend to call the Cubs on their blunders, whereas she pats the Twins on their collective heads and kisses their boo-boos.
Oh well.
Hey, nobody ever kissed my boo boo.
No, but I’LL kiss your BO-BO if you kiss mine.
Nobody ever kissed my boom boom either.
How’s the visibility?
Len Kasper, he ask me why I eat guzpacho before every game. I tell him, it makes me to feel good and strong like Quetzocotal. Then, there is awkward silencio, and I eat a Snickers bar and take a nap.
hey buddies, how you doing? vote for me for All star game.
i hit ball hard. I counting on your votes buddies.
enjoy pepsi buddies
Boon, tell those assholes to shut up.
Boon: “Shut up you assholes!”
hank learn to spell, dude… and yes I’m strong
Len say I always answer his question? That’s true. But only when I don’t see him coming in time to do this:
Len’s nice, but he’s no Dick Bremer.
your favorite word?
“compels”
I thought it was my name :(
not until you bring me back my sweaters
Hey, I got a shout out in the interview!
Anybody else remember that I threw a complete game no-hitter but wasn’t on the mound at the end of it?
Anybody remember why?
And you wonder why I hated this guy? This interview wasn’t even about Chip and he can’t stay away.
0-0 tie went into extra innings.
you were pulled out for a PH.
Because I was on the mound, getting charged with the loss.
Because I had to hit a dong to win it! Coolest no-hitter ending, ever.
This is the best Desipio Interview since this one:
https://www.desipio.com/features/guests/kelly/021102-desipiointerview-kellyonkelly.htm
I didn’t think either one of them were so great.
Stand back! Stand back!
In the middle of my room, I did not hear from you!
All right, all right!
You fucked up the lyrics again you bi-coked up douchebag.
when i was manager of the D’Backs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Luis Gonzalez, Blah, blah, blah “Gracie” blah, blah, blah Matt Williams, blah, blah,blah Craig counsell blah, blah, blah……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
After I quit pissing my pants from laughing and am able to see straight again, I’m taking my next paycheck and blowing it all on Desipio crap — T-shirts, books, Underoos, the whole damn thing.
The only thing better would have been:
“Dear Len, You remember that one time, um, when, uh, you were in the, um, Beatles? That was AWESOME!”
Oh well, maybe next time.
Honesty compels me to say that Tommy Keene is no Ellis Paul.
Bob Brenly up there is right — he should shut up about the Dbacks and start telling jokes about picking up the check.
Where is the infamous mention of Dawson’s Creek and Len Kasper? That crack made this interview possible.
We just got a shout-out by Len on the Cubs game! We love you, Len!
Len, glad to have you in Chicago! We all love ya!
Len, honesty compels me to say that I am green with envy at the love the folks are showing you. To celebrate, I think you should take the crew out to that fine establishment Harry Caray’s…just don’t expect Mr. Santo to pick up the check!!! Seriously though, my friend Beege and I wish you and yours all the best.
Sorry, but Julie Bowen looks like Dave Edmunds in that picture:
When did you realize Chip was gay?
Len,
I thought I’d chime in to ask have you seen the wonderful film “This Old Cub” about my partner and Cub legend Ron Santo? If you not you can pick up a copy at Wrigley Field, Cub Foods or by visiting thisoldcub.com
Really Chip isn’t gay his boyfriend is! Rock on Len.
BTW I suggest Len’s “word of the day” for today be “ubiquitous” which he threw down last night.
Hey bears fans, I’m visiting with the Vikings today!
That ought to get Rex Grossman healthy in a hurry.
we should have made that deal when we had a chance!!!!
RW for 2 cans of diet dr pepper
…and Patterson strikes out swinging. We’ll talk more about Jeff Santo’s fine film This Old Cub when we return in the fifth inning. The Fifth Third Bank Fifth inning. In the next innning, we’re hoping the Cubs can take the lead, and when they do, we’re hoping they can score some AAA insurance runs. But not until we’re finished playing the Cub Foods attendance game.
Did you catch this great exchange between my partner and I last night?
Len: “A lot of Cubs have done a great job filling in for injured players…Glendon Rusch, Neifi Perez, Jerry Hairston, John Koronka…”
Bob: “Michael Barrett”
Hey, I’m hurt! I’ll bet that’s what Bob meant.