The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread

[SKO]

but really though it's great that he's hitting because he's an eminently likeable dude and the skillset of Good Jason Heyward is exactly the thing this offense has missed at times, which is, y'know, why they signed him in the first place.

I like him a ton - and I'm glad he's finally hitting. But, I mean, they're still paying 28 million to a guy projected to hit 25 doubles, 7 triples, and 9 homers this season.

I don't give a shit how much of a billionaire's money he's making and they can afford it. People always want to point at under-performing free agents on big contracts as some kind of horrible burden on the team while ignoring that Kris Bryant makes like, 1/100th of his actual value on his current contract. If Heyward's an above-average hitter overall with his defense and base-running he's a 4+ win player. That's why they signed him, and if you go by the accepted 1 Win=8 millionish valuation that fangraphs uses a 4 win player would be worth 32 million on the open market, so he's a bargain then.

[Saul Goodman]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

Except JHey, I don't know who any of these people are.

[CBStew]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

Except JHey, I don't know who any of these people are.

I can help here.  "Ballgame" is a reference to Ted Williams.  "Bodie" is the skier, Bodie Miller. "The Colonel" is Colonel Sanders.  "!060" is an inaccurate reference to the Battle of Hastings, so it refers to some guy named Hastings.  "Jimmy Butthole" is a reference to my brother in law, but don't ask me how he knows him and "Bronze Bits" is anybody's guess.  You are welcome.

[Quality Start Machine]

This morning's WAR, according to Fangraphs...

Jason Heyward = 2.0
Bryce Harper = 1.4

[Shooter]

This morning's WAR, according to Fangraphs...

Jason Heyward = 2.0
Bryce Harper = 1.4

I hope he doesn't opt out.

[Saul Goodman]

Bump for runs!  Glorious runs!  Two of them!