Single Greatest Thread Ever

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Ryan Dempster.

[citation needed]

[Brownie]

Paul Sullivan spun a gem on the Dempster trade.

Ryan Dempster sat in the Cubs offices as the 3 p.m. trade deadline neared Tuesday, playing Golden Tee and watching the rumors about his fate played out on the MLB Network.

No fried chicken?

With 4 minutes, 53 seconds on the countdown ticker, according to Dempster's estimation, he approved a trade to the Rangers for a pair of low-level prospects.

Thus ended Dempster's memorable nine-year run in Chicago, a bizarre final week capped after he said no to a trade to the Braves after it already was agreed upon, threw a temper tantrum in the dugout after being removed from a game and watched his dream of joining buddy Ted Lilly on the Dodgers go down the tubes.

In the end, it was down to the Yankees and Rangers, though general manager Jed Hoyer said the Cubs would have kept Dempster if the Rangers deal fell through.

"Yeah, I thought it was a possibility for either team so there are a lot of emotions," Dempster said. "I thought it was going to be the Dodgers. I thought it was going to be the Yankees. I thought it was going to be this, that and the other.

"In the end it ended up being Texas and I'm super excited. They've been in the World Series two years in a row and they have a great team. Hopefully I can go over there and be a little piece of the really good puzzle they have going."

Well, the Rangers do travel to Toronto August 17, and it's franchise tradition to get the Canadian former Cub to carry the extra suitcase through customs. This should be an important piece of the puzzle for the manager and the team's best hitter.

Instead of receiving a major league-ready starter in the Braves' Randall Delgado, who was part of the original trade Dempster nixed, the Cubs got 22-year-old starter Kyle Hendricks and 21-year-old third baseman Christian Villanueva, both of whom played at Class-A Myrtle Beach.

It likely will be years before either proves he's capable of making it to the majors. But after losing leverage because of Dempster's deep desire to go to the Dodgers, it was about as good a deal as the Cubs could muster.

"He held pretty firm on the Dodgers thing," Hoyer said.

In other words, fuck you Ryan Dempster. Love, Jed. Enjoy the oppressive North Texas heat. By the way, Christian Villanueva may or may not make you forget about Bill Madlock and Aramis Ramirez, but I guarantee he will make you remember Hector Villanueva.

"I was actually really glad he was in our office for the last couple of hours and he was able to sort of see how we work and see what happens. He sat in an office and watched himself on TV. Then we briefed him on where we were and I don't remember exactly what time but at some point he said 'OK, if this Dodgers thing isn't going to work, then he was willing to open it up to a handful of teams.'

"That's why it came together late. We talked to teams a little bit but we weren't going to spend tons of time and lead teams down a road that wasn't going to happen. We didn't want to do that. We had to not scramble but work pretty hard at the end to find a suitable deal for him."

Actually glad he was in the office. I guess if he was busy playing Golden Tee and watching himself on TV, his comedy act would have to wait for Arlington. Also, Dempster in his office for such a prolonged period would have to be great motivation to move him.

[Brownie]

The ending of Dempster's stay in Chicago was much stormier than the previous eight years, mostly because of the botched trade to the Braves.

"I just never said no to anybody," he said. "Well I did say no to some places obviously, but I just said if something that came that was a trade for the club that helped the club that was something I was willing to do and had time to think about it. ... Obviously the past few days I had to give a lot more thought to what teams might possibly be there so that I'd be prepared to make that decision."

You didn't say no? Or did you? Or does no mean a maybe, or a yes? What the hell is he saying? Basically, he's full of shit.

In hindsight, was Dempster glad he turned down a chance to go to the Braves?

"We'll see," he said. "There's no right or wrong decision. There are just journeys in life that we're going to end up taking and you have to make the most out of those. (The Braves) have a great ballclub down there. They just got two really good baseball players, good pitcher and good outfielder in Reed and Paul and they're going to be a tough ballclub too. This is just the right decision for me."

Plus, there's zero chance Chipper will bang your soon-to-be ex-wife. Jared Saltamacchia and the entire Dallas Cowboys, maybe. But as far as journeys, here's one that you can't take soon enough.

[Slaky]

Hoyer confirms everything we surmised and rubs some balm on Huey's PANKRAGE - it appears that Dempster will never be back at Wrigley Field as a Cub as long as Jed and Theo are in charge.

[morpheus]

Hoyer confirms everything we surmised and rubs some balm on Huey's PANKRAGE - it appears that Dempster will never be back at Wrigley Field as a Cub as long as Jed and Theo are in charge.

Something something too big for anal

[Internet Apex]

The ending of Dempster's stay in Chicago was much stormier than the previous eight years, mostly because of the botched trade to the Braves.

"I just never said no to anybody," he said. "Well I did say no to some places obviously, but I just said if something that came that was a trade for the club that helped the club that was something I was willing to do and had time to think about it. ... Obviously the past few days I had to give a lot more thought to what teams might possibly be there so that I'd be prepared to make that decision."

You didn't say no? Or did you? Or does no mean a maybe, or a yes? What the hell is he saying? Basically, he's full of shit.

In hindsight, was Dempster glad he turned down a chance to go to the Braves?

"We'll see," he said. "There's no right or wrong decision. There are just journeys in life that we're going to end up taking and you have to make the most out of those. (The Braves) have a great ballclub down there. They just got two really good baseball players, good pitcher and good outfielder in Reed and Paul and they're going to be a tough ballclub too. This is just the right decision for me."

Plus, there's zero chance Chipper will bang your soon-to-be ex-wife. Jared Saltamacchia and the entire Dallas Cowboys, maybe. But as far as journeys, here's one that you can't take soon enough.

Saltalamacchia plays for the Red Sox these days. That jape at the tail end notwithstanding, I have to say that these last couple of TJ Brown posts have been the highlight of this Cubs season for me. (aside from Rizzo's emotional dongblasts all over my pauseworthy teets). 

[Brownie]

OK, Sully's latest with Epstein's version of events makes my Dempster hate Hueyesque and justified. The headline writer of this story should be fired, because Epstein is not really defending Dempster.

To wit:

1) Epstein/Hoyer kept telling Dempster that the Dodgers weren't interested and to start thinking about elsewhere.
2) July 22 they told him to start thinking about Atlanta.
3) The next day, Epstein told Dempster to consider Atlanta hard because they had a trade.
4) As Dempster was thinking, it leaked and Dempster got pissed he couldn't contemplate it privately.
5) The Cubs continued to explain the Dodgers don't want him and they continued to try and trade with the Dodgers.
6) They had Dempster listen to Hoystink's talks with Colletti on the phone and at 2:45 yesterday, Dempster said, "OK, I believe you."

[Quality Start Machine]

OK, Sully's latest with Epstein's version of events makes my Dempster hate Hueyesque and justified. The headline writer of this story should be fired, because Epstein is not really defending Dempster.

To wit:

1) Epstein/Hoyer kept telling Dempster that the Dodgers weren't interested and to start thinking about elsewhere.
2) July 22 they told him to start thinking about Atlanta.
2a) "Dempster said he was 'open' to going (to Atlanta), and it 'had a lot of appeal to him,' even though he told Epstein the Dodgers were 'a clear No. 1" on his list.'
3) The next day, Epstein told Dempster to consider Atlanta hard because they had a trade.
4) As Dempster was thinking, it leaked and Dempster got pissed he couldn't contemplate it privately.
5) The Cubs continued to explain the Dodgers don't want him and they continued to try and trade with the Dodgers.
6) They had Dempster listen to Hoystink's talks with Colletti on the phone and at 2:45 yesterday, Dempster said, "OK, I believe you."

Added hate.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

OK, Sully's latest with Epstein's version of events makes my Dempster hate Hueyesque and justified. The headline writer of this story should be fired, because Epstein is not really defending Dempster.

To wit:

1) Epstein/Hoyer kept telling Dempster that the Dodgers weren't interested and to start thinking about elsewhere.
2) July 22 they told him to start thinking about Atlanta.
3) The next day, Epstein told Dempster to consider Atlanta hard because they had a trade.
4) As Dempster was thinking, it leaked and Dempster got pissed he couldn't contemplate it privately.
5) The Cubs continued to explain the Dodgers don't want him and they continued to try and trade with the Dodgers.
6) They had Dempster listen to Hoystink's talks with Colletti on the phone and at 2:45 yesterday, Dempster said, "OK, I believe you."

7) Dempster thinks to himself, "It's quite possible I've made a huge mistake."

CHICAGO – Seemingly worn down by the process of the approaching non-waiver trade deadline, Chicago Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster said Monday that he might have made some missteps along the way.

...

"I'm not perfect. I'm a human being and will make mistakes. I won't handle everything the right way every time, but hopefully I can learn from any mistakes I do make and try to be better for it next time."

Dempster did not specify whether or not his handling of the Braves trade was something he felt he didn't handle properly.

[BH]

OK, Sully's latest with Epstein's version of events makes my Dempster hate Hueyesque and justified. The headline writer of this story should be fired, because Epstein is not really defending Dempster.

To wit:

1) Epstein/Hoyer kept telling Dempster that the Dodgers weren't interested and to start thinking about elsewhere.
2) July 22 they told him to start thinking about Atlanta.
3) The next day, Epstein told Dempster to consider Atlanta hard because they had a trade.
4) As Dempster was thinking, it leaked and Dempster got pissed he couldn't contemplate it privately.
5) The Cubs continued to explain the Dodgers don't want him and they continued to try and trade with the Dodgers.
6) They had Dempster listen to Hoystink's talks with Colletti on the phone and at 2:45 yesterday, Dempster said, "OK, I believe you."

7) Dempster thinks to himself, "It's quite possible I've made a huge mistake."

CHICAGO – Seemingly worn down by the process of the approaching non-waiver trade deadline, Chicago Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster said Monday that he might have made some missteps along the way.

...

"I'm not perfect. I'm a human being and will make mistakes. I won't handle everything the right way every time, but hopefully I can learn from any mistakes I do make and try to be better for it next time."

Dempster did not specify whether or not his handling of the Braves trade was something he felt he didn't handle properly.

Oops. So the cubs got a prospect with a higher ceiling (albeit higher risk) than the guy they would have gotten for dempster, and dempster trashed his reputation with Theo and the fanbase because he thought LA wanted him a lot more than they ever did. So he ended up in Texas, where he'll give up 4-5 runs every start, ruining his FA value. Nice choice Ryan.

[Waco Kid]

OK, Sully's latest with Epstein's version of events makes my Dempster hate Hueyesque and justified. The headline writer of this story should be fired, because Epstein is not really defending Dempster.

To wit:

1) Epstein/Hoyer kept telling Dempster that the Dodgers weren't interested and to start thinking about elsewhere.
2) July 22 they told him to start thinking about Atlanta.
3) The next day, Epstein told Dempster to consider Atlanta hard because they had a trade.
4) As Dempster was thinking, it leaked and Dempster got pissed he couldn't contemplate it privately.
5) The Cubs continued to explain the Dodgers don't want him and they continued to try and trade with the Dodgers.
6) They had Dempster listen to Hoystink's talks with Colletti on the phone and at 2:45 yesterday, Dempster said, "OK, I believe you."

This whole sequence is the final log on my Dempster hatefire. Good riddance to this assclown.

[CubFaninHydePark]

You all are more than a week late to the "firebarn Dempster" party.  Huey can toss the match, but I at least want to pour the gas.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

You all are more than a week late to the "firebarn Dempster" party.  Huey can toss the match, but I at least want to pour the gas.

Intrepid Reader: Huey

You can get fecked, boyo.

Maybe you all are Dempster homosexuals. 

I feel like I'm getting ganged up on here.  Where the fuck is Kerm when you need him?

The disappearance of Pujols from the NL Central should minimize 3 or 4 games of Dempster hate.

[Saul Goodman]

I'd just like to add that I too look forward to Dempster getting lit up in the AL and setting a new personal best in postseason walks issued.

[Waco Kid]

You all are more than a week late to the "firebarn Dempster" party.  Huey can toss the match, but I at least want to pour the gas.

My Dempster hatefire started with his 2008 playoff pants crapping.