Single Greatest Thread Ever

[Chuck to Chuck]

It's official: Tony Campana

[Brownie]

It's official: Tony Campana

Wait until jailbird Mark Grace introduces Campana to pussy and beer!

[Oleg]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

+ a gazillion

[Quality Start Machine]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

[Bort]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

You see, both Oleg and Tony Campana are little. At least I assume that's what Fork meant.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

You see, both Oleg and Tony Campana are little. At least I assume that's what Fork meant.

Oh.

I just figured it was TIME TO POST!

[Bort]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

You see, both Oleg and Tony Campana are little. At least I assume that's what Fork meant.

Oh.

I just figured it was TIME TO POST!

A little bit from Column A...

[CT III]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

Yes, because unlike some people, Oleg is able to copy and paste text without inserting typos into it.

[Quality Start Machine]

Tony Campana will prove us all wrong once somebody shows him a picture of Eddie Gaedel, and he has his "a-ha moment".

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

Yes, because unlike some people, Oleg is able to copy and paste text without inserting typos into it.

You make a terrible Thrillho.

[Quality Start Machine]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

Yes, because unlike some people, Oleg is able to copy and paste text without inserting typos into it.

You make a terrible Thrillho.

That's because he has to make them from scratch.

[Oleg]

It's official: Tony Campana

ZORP rag

February 20, 2013
The Lineup Card
11 Favorite Off-Season Moves
by Baseball Prospectus

9. Cubs trade Tony Campana to Arizona For Two Living Homo Sapiens
This is how you know Theo Epstein is a heartless, calculating bastard. Sure, Campana can't "hit" or "get on base" or "play baseball" in a major-league sense, but he was so f'n cute. Seriously, it's as if Ollie from "Hoosiers" left the farm and signed with the Cubs, and showed up at the ballpark in the back of a pickup truck. Campana has the strangest build of any ballplayer I've seen, even more so, and in a very different way, than Sidney Ponson, whom I had the misfortune of seeing in a towel. Campana is all arms and legs. He'd have the build of a hurdler if only the hurdles weren't so danged high. He acted the way he looked, carrying that aw-shucks demeanor over to his oh-so-precious encounters with the media.

Yet he was really fun to watch, there is no denying that. His Cubs uniform was too floppy and his hat a size too big, and when he got going, he was as fast as any player in the game. His inside-the-park homer on a grounder up the left-field line in 2011 was electric. Once then-Reds outfielder Yonder Alonso overran the ball in the corner, Campana exploded on the basepaths. He could have scored and made it back to second base. He also seemed to be able to steal bases at will, even though every pitcher and catcher in the league knew that his entire value was wrapped up in that skill.

Somewhere along the line, you'd have thought that someone would have told Campana that under no circumstance was he to swing at a ball outside of the strike zone. Not that there was any reason for opposing pitchers to avoid the zone—I'm not sure Campana can actually hit the ball over a major-league fence. Still, he has an inconceivably aggressive approach at the plate. Yet for all his shortcomings, there is value in a player like him, if you have the roster spot. The Cubs aren't at a place to get that value, but if you've got a solid, balanced four-man outfield core, then Campana makes an ideal complement with his game-changing speed and range in the field.

As the ultimate underdog, Campana connected with the Cubs' fan base in a big way. During introductions at the team's annual fan convention last month, Campana might have received a bigger ovation than Ernie Banks. It was really close. Yet, Epstein and his cronies apparently believe that actual organization building outweighs the fact that Campana is the kind of player grannies like to bake for. Cynical pricks. —Bradford Doolittle

The fact that Oleg posted this only makes it better.

It does?

Yes, because unlike some people, Oleg is able to copy and paste text without inserting typos into it.

Maybe my keyboard is just less advanced than other's?

[Eli]

Tony Campana will prove us all wrong once somebody shows him a picture of Eddie Gaedel, and he has his "a-ha moment".

How so?