Single Greatest Thread Ever

[Saul Goodman]

Aroldis Chapman.

5 years, $86 million from the Yankees.

[Bort]

Aroldis Chapman.

5 years, $86 million from the Yankees.

Fuck him forever.

[Brownie]

Aroldis Chapman.

5 years, $86 million from the Yankees.

Fuck him forever.

Thanks for the 2 2/3 IP in Game 5, though.

[ChuckD]

Armando Rivero. What we lost, and what we never had.

[Eli]

Armando Rivero. What we lost, and what we never had.

My condolences to Pen.

[PenFoe]

Armando Rivero. What we lost, and what we never had.

My condolences to Pen.

Legitimately upset about this.

[Saul Goodman]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

[Bort]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

[Saul Goodman]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

5 years, $82.5MM. That's a nice chunk of change.

[Brownie]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

[Oleg]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

The long con...

[Quality Start Machine]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

[Saul Goodman]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

The whole ut? You're making this too easy, dude. It's not as fun to be pedantic.

Anyway. I'm enjoying the mental image of the Cubs bringing their own sound system and setting up on the field without permission to present Dex with his ring, then projecting a Dex in the World Series highlight video onto a nearby low-hanging cloud.

[Shooter]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

It would be cool, but won't they wait until after the rest of the team gets theirs, presumably at the home opener?

[Quality Start Machine]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

It would be cool, but won't they wait until after the rest of the team gets theirs, presumably at the home opener?

I would actually expect the rings to be given out at a dinner or something. Based on what the Blackhawks do, every employee gets one. I've got pictures of my wife wearing each of our ticket rep's rings.