Single Greatest Thread Ever

[Chuck to Chuck]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

It would be cool, but won't they wait until after the rest of the team gets theirs, presumably at the home opener?

I would actually expect the rings to be given out at a dinner or something. Based on what the Blackhawks do, every employee gets one. I've got pictures of my wife wearing each of our ticket rep's rings.

We all have pictures of your wife.

[Tonker]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

It would be cool, but won't they wait until after the rest of the team gets theirs, presumably at the home opener?

I would actually expect the rings to be given out at a dinner or something. Based on what the Blackhawks do, every employee gets one. I've got pictures of my wife wearing each of our ticket rep's rings.

We all have pictures of your wife.

I have pictures of Pen's Mum.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Dexter Fowler.

To the Cardinals, physical and press conference tomorrow.

#trader

I hope he has a great season on a team that otherwise tanks.

No, I want him to have a shitty April through July, striking out or grounding into awful DPs every time he bats, dropping fly balls, airmailing the cutoff man, calling Mike Matheny an ignorant gerbil, then apologizing to all ignorant gerbils, then insulting the Kansas City, Colorado, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Texas, Houston, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Detroit, White Sox, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Yankees, Mets, Boston, Toronto, Dodgers, Angels, Arizona, San Diego, Giants, A's, and Mariners organizations and fan bases so that come July 31, the Cardinals (by then 35 games out of first) have no choice but to trade Dexter to the first place Cubs for Tim Federowicz and agree to take on all of Dexter's salary. And then Dexter can resume being the great player and guy he was.

If that's too much to ask from Dexter, I hope he's great with the Cardinals on an otherwise lousy team.

You left ut the Cubs presenting him with his ring in a ceremony before the first game of the year, which happens to be in St. Louis.

It would be cool, but won't they wait until after the rest of the team gets theirs, presumably at the home opener?

I would actually expect the rings to be given out at a dinner or something. Based on what the Blackhawks do, every employee gets one. I've got pictures of my wife wearing each of our ticket rep's rings.

We all have pictures of your wife.

I have pictures of Pen's Mum.

I have nudes of Bort's dead whore grandmother (while she was alive, that is.  Very alive.)

[Quality Start Machine]

Manny Ramirez, off to play baseball in Japan.

[Tonker]

Chris Coghlan ain't never coming back.*

*until half way through next season when the Cubs inexplicably trade for him again.

[Saul Goodman]

Chris Coghlan ain't never coming back.*

*until half way through next season when the Cubs inexplicably trade for him again.

Only a matter of time until it's the Pat and Cogs Show on the radio. (Followed by the BC and Cogs Show, natch.)

[Saul Goodman]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm looking forward to rooting for the Royals this year, as the level of satisfaction l'd derive from 2 World Series Champion Cubs giving the White Sox fits would be very pleasing to me.

[SKO]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm not sure what the (!) after 16 million is for. That's less money per year than the Cubs gave him, it's a pretty bargain contract. Unless that was what you were commenting on because you expected him to get more. It's not a bad deal for the Royals.

[Yeti]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm not sure what the (!) after 16 million is for. That's less money per year than the Cubs gave him, it's a pretty bargain contract. Unless that was what you were commenting on because you expected him to get more. It's not a bad deal for the Royals.

Yup... And maybe it's the post-WS glow, but I'm perfectly fine wishing people like him all the best. The only WS Cub I won't wish well to is Aroldis. Fuck him

[Quality Start Machine]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

Geez, who died and made him a Royal?

[Saul Goodman]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm not sure what the (!) after 16 million is for. That's less money per year than the Cubs gave him, it's a pretty bargain contract. Unless that was what you were commenting on because you expected him to get more. It's not a bad deal for the Royals.

Not sure why you're not sure what it's for when you just explained what it's for

[SKO]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm not sure what the (!) after 16 million is for. That's less money per year than the Cubs gave him, it's a pretty bargain contract. Unless that was what you were commenting on because you expected him to get more. It's not a bad deal for the Royals.

Yup... And maybe it's the post-WS glow, but I'm perfectly fine wishing people like him all the best. The only WS Cub I won't wish well to is Aroldis. Fuck him

Yeah Hammel barely registered on my list of hate worthy Cubs outside of days where he was getting shelled. On the whole he was a slightly better Jason Marquis, a perfectly acceptable back-end starter who only stood out on days when he sucked because he was on a team where everyone around him was far better than he was. His prickly response to being yanked early from starts is pretty standard for a world class athlete who naturally has to have more self-confidence than most in order to do his job well. I wish him well unless he somehow ends up being flipped to St. Louis at the deadline.

[Quality Start Machine]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm not sure what the (!) after 16 million is for. That's less money per year than the Cubs gave him, it's a pretty bargain contract. Unless that was what you were commenting on because you expected him to get more. It's not a bad deal for the Royals.

Yup... And maybe it's the post-WS glow, but I'm perfectly fine wishing people like him all the best. The only WS Cub I won't wish well to is Aroldis. Fuck him

Yeah Hammel barely registered on my list of hate worthy Cubs outside of days where he was getting shelled. On the whole he was a slightly better Jason Marquis, a perfectly acceptable back-end starter who only stood out on days when he sucked because he was on a team where everyone around him was far better than he was. His prickly response to being yanked early from starts is pretty standard for a world class athlete who naturally has to have more self-confidence than most in order to do his job well. I wish him well unless he somehow ends up being flipped to St. Louis at the deadline.

St. Louis with second-half Hammel is something I'd support.

[Saul Goodman]

Jason Hammel.

Everyone's favorite first-half Cy Young/second-half garbage fire reportedly has a two-year deal with the Royals for $16 (!) million. He and Jorge can cry together if they miss the playoffs.

I'm not sure what the (!) after 16 million is for. That's less money per year than the Cubs gave him, it's a pretty bargain contract. Unless that was what you were commenting on because you expected him to get more. It's not a bad deal for the Royals.

Yup... And maybe it's the post-WS glow, but I'm perfectly fine wishing people like him all the best. The only WS Cub I won't wish well to is Aroldis. Fuck him

Yeah Hammel barely registered on my list of hate worthy Cubs outside of days where he was getting shelled. On the whole he was a slightly better Jason Marquis, a perfectly acceptable back-end starter who only stood out on days when he sucked because he was on a team where everyone around him was far better than he was. His prickly response to being yanked early from starts is pretty standard for a world class athlete who naturally has to have more self-confidence than most in order to do his job well. I wish him well unless he somehow ends up being flipped to St. Louis at the deadline.

Slightly better Jason Marquis ... ouch.