Single Greatest Thread Ever

[PenFoe]

Carl C.J. the Stringbean Slinger Edwards.

This is not how I was hoping this story would end.

[pisomojado8]

Martin Maldonado, who was about as useful as Candy Maldonado

[Quality Start Machine]

Martin Maldonado, who was about as useful as Candy Maldonado

Shut up Paul, you're a douche.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Carl C.J. the Stringbean Slinger Edwards.

The Death of CJ Edwards--A Play in 3 Acts

Act I: Called upon to get the final out of the 2016 World Series, Edwards starts off strong, striking out Mike Napoli & getting Jose Ramirez on a groundout to short. However, w/1 out to go & w/a  2-run lead, Carl mystifyingly--though, in retrospect unsurprisingly--walks Brandon Guyer who takes 2nd base & then scores on Rajai Davis' single, which is the last pitch CJ Edwards throws, 1 out shy from being more memorialized than he turned out to be.

Act II: Edwards spends the entire '17 season on the roster & is downright filthy in the first half. But in July & August he starts blowing up w/a bit more frequency. Still, he seems to settle down in September.  He finishes the year with a solid 2.98 ERA & 1.01 WHIP & appears ready for a bigger role in the playoffs. In Game 3 the NLCS vs. Los Angeles, w/the Cubs facing a must-win, down 2-zip in the series, they trail 3-1 in the 6th inning. Looking for any hope to stay alive, Edwards comes in to relieve starter Kyle Hendricks, w/runners on 1st & 2nd. He gets a groundout & then, after a walk to load the bases, induces Joc Pederson to hit one to RF that's too shallow to drive the run in. Out of the inning, right? I mean Yu Darvish is on deck! The Cubs might come back and make a series out of this just yet!

Instead, Carl  issues a 4-pitch RBI bases-loaded walk to Darvish, effectively ending the game, the series & the season.

ACT III: Carl once more has a pretty decent season on balance. The hope is that Carl has overcome his struggles and is finally ready to take it to the level we've all expected.  He's sporting a 2.20 ERA heading into a Labor Day matchup with the suddenly--annoying Brewers.  The first-place Cubs, with a 5 game lead, have a chance to put the division away.  It doesn't look good when Human Straw Wrapper Craig Counsell brings Josh Hader into the game to begin the 6th inning to face Anthony Rizzo while protecting a 2-1 lead.  Hader retires Rizzo & then continues to retire the next 5 batters before issuing a walk to Ian Happ to lead off the 8th. Hader then strikes out the next two before facing Rizzo for the second time in the game.  This time, Rizzo stuns everyone in the airport hangar that is Miller Park by becoming the first left-handed hitter to homer off Hader when he slams one over the wall for a lead-changing 2-run homer.  Holy shit, the Cubs are going to be up 6 games.

How does the next inning go? When the Cubs absolutely need to close out a game & start shoveling some dirt on Milwaukee? Well I'm glad you asked. Carl comes in and falls behind 3-1 to 74 year old Curtis Granderson before Granderson singles. CEJ gives up another single before amazingly striking out eventual MVP Christian Yellich & then noted Fat Guy Jesus Aguilar. He's going to escape, right? Nope, Carl celebrates his 2 K's by walking Ryan Braun & Mike Moustakis (the latter on 4 pitches), thus giving up the lead. The Cubs eventually lose the game in the 9th, & the Brewers end the day only 4 back (instead of 6). Many idiots like to bemoan any tough loss as the one "that you'll remember in September" which is utter bullshit, as these people ungraciously choose to ignore unlikely lead-changing walk off grand slams by Jason Heyward and David Bote (as well as several other unlikely comebacks). However, considering that the Cubs literally ended up in a tie w/Milwaukee--and at the time this game was played they had a real chance to effectively end it--it's hard to not point the finger to this 1 game as the one that cost them, which means the finger is pointed squarely at Carl.

I didn't read too much into the World Series game since the Cubs won, but in retrospect it was telling. Yes, credit to him for getting the first 2 outs, but walking the next hitter with a 2-run lead really seems to have been par for the course for Carl in big moments, as things played. I wonder how his career would have gone had he only been able to go 3 up and 3 down like it looked like he was about to before suffering his first of 3 insanely critical tub-shittings. So long, Carl, I'm glad you got those outs & helped the Cubs finally win it all but boy were you ultimately a goddamn disappointment.

[numbers man]

Great summary, painful reading though.

[Quality Start Machine]

Great summary, painful reading though.

Shut up Paul, you're a douche.

[Saul Goodman]

Joe Maddon

[Armchair_QB]

The Brewers

[numbers man]

The Brewers R.I.P.

[Quality Start Machine]

Lester Strode

[CBStew]

Lester Strode

When bullpen coaches start to pitch set-up innings or closing I will get interested in "news" such as this.  Now, if the article was about Woody Strode then I would pay attention.

[Quality Start Machine]

Lester Strode

When bullpen coaches start to pitch set-up innings or closing I will get interested in "news" such as this.  Now, if the article was about Woody Strode then I would pay attention.

I mean, he is the guy who says, "Yeah, he's ready" when the bullpen phone rings.

[CBStew]

Lester Strode

When bullpen coaches start to pitch set-up innings or closing I will get interested in "news" such as this.  Now, if the article was about Woody Strode then I would pay attention.

I mean, he is the guy who says, "Yeah, he's ready" when the bullpen phone rings.

He also keeps up the supply of sunflower seeds and on occasions orders the pizza.

[BigDrinky]

This is going to impact local binder supply shops.

[Tinker to Evers to Chance]

Addison Russell.