Peter King's MMQB

[Three times a JD]

I meant to include that "stayed a W" crap but forgot.  A loser is me.  For reading his column.  Every single week. 



What is wrong with me?

[TJ]

I meant to include that "stayed a W" crap but forgot.  A loser is me.  For reading his column.  Every single week. 



What is wrong with me?

You're doing the Lord's work. Literally. Not even He reads Peter King's columns. He just reads your recap.

[Three times a JD]

I meant to include that "stayed a W" crap but forgot.  A loser is me.  For reading his column.  Every single week. 



What is wrong with me?

You're doing the Lord's work. Literally. Not even He reads Peter King's columns. He just reads your recap.

Then I guess I'll soldier on.  Bump coming in one week.

[CT II]

I meant to include that "stayed a W" crap but forgot.  A loser is me.  For reading his column.  Every single week. 



What is wrong with me?

You're doing the Lord's work. Literally. Not even He reads Peter King's columns. He just reads your recap.

Then I guess I'll soldier on.  Bump coming in one week.

Good.  It's a rare thing to see some good, honest JD anger around here.  Pete King's got his dander up.

If I may break out an old chestnut, I positive it.

[PTanner]

Eff Arthur Blank.

cut the man some slack. He did, after all, give us Home Depot.

[helloWorld]

The three teams I didn't like:

1. Chicago. The Bears had 12 draft choices this year. No quarterback picked. Chicago had nine draft choices in 2007. No quarterback picked. Chicago had seven draft choices in 2006. Three years with a quarterback need, 28 draft choices, and never a passer picked. This isn't odd. It's negligent.

ESPN radio (Waddle and Silvie with Carmen in for Waddle) had Mel Kiper on this morning, yes I was listening to ESPN1000 and yes I was listening to Mel Kiper, give me a break I do not have XM.

Mel made the argument that the Bears did essentially draft a couple of high-risk QBs.  For the Bears FA signings, he felt the Bears could have taken Caleb Hanie in the fifth round and/or Nick Hill in the seventh without people getting their panties twisted.  Except for Ryan, there was not a difference making QB and the decision to stick with Grossman or Orton one more year seemed reasonable.

And yes, Kiper is an annoying douche, still if it comes to judging seventh round talent, at least he is a douche that has thought about it.  He felt Hanie had a plus arm and kept a bad Colorado team from being horrid.  He saw Hill as having a weaker, but accurate arm with good mobility.  Nothing from last season stands out about either of these guys to me, but Angelo has Kiper agreeing with him, which is nice.

[Three times a JD]

Monday Morning Bump!
Pete did his rankings this week.  I have no interest in reading offseason rankings, so I just kind of skimmed over them.  I'm sure you can figure out how they looked on your own, though.  Patriots first...Indy second...Bears way down the list.  Like I said I didn't read his drivel too much, but I did notice this one:

I talked to a personnel guy the other day who said, "Chris Long was the top player on our board. The Rams have no idea what a great player they're getting.

You just know the personnel guy that Pete talked to was with the Patriots.  He's like Pete Gammons in that all his sources are from the Boston area.  Also, only the Patriots would be so arrogant as to think that a team that drafted a guy with the second overall pick would have no idea what they were getting. 
Pete King:  How about those Rams with Chris Long?  What do you think about that?  Great coffee, by the way.
NE Personnel Douch:  The RAMS?  They suck.  What'd they draft, like third or something?  They took Long because they read your mock draft, Pete.  They didn't even interview him.  Shoot, they hadn't even HEARD of him until 6 days before the draft.  We were going to---Peter, please put your shirt back on.  That's wicked gross.
Pete King:  Oh, sorry.  I didn't even realize I took it off.  It's just that talk about big white football players gets me hot.  And this coffee's really, REALLY good. 

My Favorite Quote of the Week(out of about 16):

"Jerry Jones? JERRY JONES ON THE PHONE! JERRY JONES ON THE PHONE! JERRY JONES ON THE PHONE! AHHHOOOOOWOWWW!''

--Dallas Cowboys second-round draft choice Martellus Bennett, a tight end from Texas A&M, just before hearing the Dallas owner tell him he was a Cowboy. Hearing Jones' voice drove Bennett and his family into a frenzy.

Thanks to Rich Dalrymple, the Cowboys PR man, for forwarding the MP3 recording of the event, which is one of the most joyous things I've ever heard in my life. It sounded like the reaction one would get if Jones had said, "You just won $1 billion in the lottery.'' Really, it was even more joyful than that.

Black people are crazy, y'all.  Also, I really like that last sentence.  The crazy black kid sounded reallly joyous.  Just like a crazy black person that just won a billion dollars in the lottery.  NO WAIT---it was MORE joyous than that.  Really. 

Factoid that is only interesting to Pete:

It's funny to hear NFL people say that Rodgers-Cromartie (currently 6-1½, 184-pound) is too skinny, needs to get in the weight room and must start eating right. Imagine what an incredibly skinny rail he was three-plus years ago.

I don't get the point of this "factoid."  This guy was really skinny when he was younger, but then he put on some weight when he got to college?  But NFL people think he needs to put on some more.  And then I'm supposed to imagine how "incredibly skinny" he was back then?  Why?  Why would I do that?  If I looked hard enough on the internet, I might be able to find an actual picture of how "incredibly skinny" this kid was three years ago.  Then I could save my imagination for something good.  Like imagining a me that could stop reading this crap on Monday mornings.  Or maybe I could just imagine a writer that didn't find thin people so incredible.

Here's what Pete thinks he thinks:

I think the Patriots really hoped Chris Long would be there at number five, Kansas City's pick, so they could try to wrangle him from the Chiefs for a draft choice. I also think the Chiefs loved him and would have had a decision to make -- more high picks, or the guy we really want?

I told you that the personnel guy from before was from the Patriots. 

I think it's very, very hard for me to imagine Tony Dungy coaching beyond this year.

That's because you wasted all your imagination on incredibly skinny people, Pete.  The message board says I'm over my character allotment, but the rest of it sucks even more.  Trust me.

[PTanner]

Why do I think Peter King's assclownery will reach new heights now that he can't chug Favruh's man-meat on a weekly basis any more?

[Waco Kid]

Why do I think Peter King's assclownery will reach new heights now that he can't chug Favruh's man-meat on a weekly basis any more?

Peter will just turn to Tom Brady.

[PTanner]

Why do I think Peter King's assclownery will reach new heights now that he can't chug Favruh's man-meat on a weekly basis any more?

Peter will just turn to Tom Brady.

I didn't think King was that slutty.

[Waco Kid]

Why do I think Peter King's assclownery will reach new heights now that he can't chug Favruh's man-meat on a weekly basis any more?

Peter will just turn to Tom Brady.

I didn't think King was that slutty.

Peter was flirting with Romo as well.

[PTanner]

Why do I think Peter King's assclownery will reach new heights now that he can't chug Favruh's man-meat on a weekly basis any more?

Peter will just turn to Tom Brady.

I didn't think King was that slutty.

Peter was flirting with Romo as well.

Romo is too busy getting his girlfriend's dad off her hooters.

[CT II]

I don't know about Peter King, but this JD character does yeoman's work.

[Slaky+]

I don't know about Peter King, but this JD character does yeoman's work.

It's time to hand him a weekly column. With a link and everything.

[Waco Kid]

I don't know about Peter King, but this JD character does yeoman's work.

Anyone who trudges through Peter King on a weekly basis deserves some kind of reward. Maybe a Desippy?