Peter King's MMQB

[Slaky+]

Pete traded half his rotisserie team for a rotisserie chicken.

He was real hungry and deadline was approachin'.

[PTanner]

That's not the half of it, Petey also traded for Shane Reynolds and Kevin McReynolds, and of course, Brett Favre.

and Geoff Jenkins. Because Geoff looks like a winner.

[EG]

Why does he want to know what Will Carroll thinks?  Is Reynolds injured or something?

[RV]

Why does he want to know what Will Carroll thinks?  Is Reynolds injured or something?

Because Will Carroll is fat. Fat people eat a lot of hot dogs, which must mean they are at a lot of baseball games. Which means they understand it good.

[Al Yellon]

Why not...

[Waco Kid]

Why does he want to know what Will Carroll thinks?  Is Reynolds injured or something?

Because Will Carroll is fat. Fat people eat a lot of hot dogs, which must mean they are at a lot of baseball games. Which means they understand it good.

Of course, the Cubs are stuck with the exception to this rule at GM.

[Kerm]

Why not...

That is so goddamn great.

[Cade]

Why not...

That is so goddamn great.

Agreed.  I can watch it for hours.  Just never gets old. 

[Mike Douche]

Who is the gritty cocksmith making that stupidly vain attempt for the catch?  Jacoby Ellsbury?

[Slaky+]

Who is the gritty cocksmith making that stupidly vain attempt for the catch?  Jacoby Ellsbury?

Gabe Ruth...I mean Kapler.

[Thrillho]

Who is the gritty cocksmith making that stupidly vain attempt for the catch?  Jacoby Ellsbury?

Gabe Ruth...I mean Kapler.

The ageless wonder.

http://kaplerwebgem.ytmnd.com/

[Cade]

Who is the gritty cocksmith making that stupidly vain attempt for the catch?  Jacoby Ellsbury?

Gabe Ruth...I mean Kapler.

The ageless wonder.

http://kaplerwebgem.ytmnd.com/

And the epic fail version:
http://gabekaplerfails.ytmnd.com/

[Three times a JD]

day after draft BUMP

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/peter_king/04/27/mmqb.draft/index.html?eref=si_topstories

Geez, where to start, Pete.  How bout here, you 13 year old girl:

My new BFF and radio partner on Sirius NFL Radio, Randy Cross,

Guh.  You tryin' to be cute, Pete?  Let's justl move on to this:

d. Ron Jaworski had the best analysis of the pre-show. It was about Joe Flacco, and about how the complex zone blitz of Villanova really bothered him. I mean, when a guy gives you a tidbit from Delaware-Villanova, you've got to respect that.

Respect that?  Sure.  You've also gotta wonder about a QB that was bothered by a Villanova defense.  Good pick, Baltimore.

What else?  Here we go:

6. I think, if you gave him sodium pentathol, Chris Long would tell you he wishes he had gone to the Patriots

I think what Pete really means is that he'd like to date rape Chris Long.  Someone should alert Howie.  And I'm guessin' that Pete thinks every player really wanted to go to the Patriots.

Movin ON:

a. Propose to Pam already, Jim. C'mon. Get the job done.

Pete King is just a big ol' fairy.  I'm not sure he's not aware those are actors and the show isn't REALLY a documentary (not that the Office really ever tries that hard to give it a "one camera, doc-style" feel anymore).

And I was going to finish up with that, but what kind of Ar-kan-san would I be if didn't roll this:

What a wonderful scoundrel Petrino is.

What the crap does that even mean?  I'm guessing that Pete thinks it's a travesty that someone wouldn't wanna coach in the NFL.  And who the crap cares how Petrino left?  Those players are millionaires.  They didn't like him and he didn't like them.  They should get over it or they shouldn't have sucked.   And who cares how many games were left in the season?  Owners don't care if coaches get fired with 3 games left in the season.  Where's the coach's apology?  Eff Arthur Blank.  Eff Pete King.  Where's Pete's outrage over Bobby Knight quitting on HIS team?  Yeah, yeah...Pete's a football girl, but he doesn't mind throwin' out his thoughts a variety of things that she thinks she thinks.  And where's ESPN at with Knight?  They rake Petrino over the coals for leaving some job with a bunch of players that he didn't recruit or pick BUT, Bobby Knight leaves a bunch of college kids early, kids that went there to play for HIM and what does ESPN do?  They celebrate Knight's accomplishments, make some excuses for him, and hire him to make painfully obvious observations on college basketball.  Eff ESPN.  I'd say eff to Bobby Knight, but I got no beef with him.  Good for him for taking their money and not caring enough to do a decent job.  Way to stick it to 'em, Bobby.  I hardly watched ya anyway. 

[Slaky+]

That was pretty rare. A nice, long JD post.


Savor it.

[TJ]

That was pretty rare. A nice, long JD post.


Savor it.

Agreed.

So, I went ahead and read the inspiration for JD's post, and I find out that BC and PK are bffs, too:

The three teams I didn't like:

1. Chicago. The Bears had 12 draft choices this year. No quarterback picked. Chicago had nine draft choices in 2007. No quarterback picked. Chicago had seven draft choices in 2006. Three years with a quarterback need, 28 draft choices, and never a passer picked. This isn't odd. It's negligent.

The thing that drives me craziest about the draft is when you see a team with talent not doing enough to bolster the most important position on the field, over and over and over again. With Chad Henne, who absolutely should have been a first-rounder, and solid guy Brian Brohm on the board, the Bears passed on both and picked a very productive running back from Tulane, Matt Forte.

There's a slight chance -- maybe 20 or 25 percent, I'd say -- that the Bears have their quarterback of the future on the roster in either Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton. Maybe. But whether you believe it or not, you have to admit it's silly not to backstop the most important position in sports. What is it about the undying love of Grossman that makes Chicago unable or unwilling to turn the page?

As for his use of terms like "bff," does this have to do with him becoming cool and staying at a W?

Aggravating/Enjoyable Travel Note of the Week

Ever stayed at a W? It's a nice hotel chain, an upscale, groovy-chic branch of the Westin, but quite O.

Odd.

For draft weekend, I stayed at the W Perimeter, the Atlanta-beltway W near a big mall and the swank places they don't let people my age in. At the W, when you go to work out, you go to W Sweat, which, by the way, is a pretty barren workout room for a hotel that is pretty E.

Expensive.

Anyway, the light on my phone was blinking Saturday, and a computer voice told me I had a message at the front desk. The pleasant fellow I was connected to told me, "You have an envelope waiting for you at Whatever, Whenever.'' I asked where that was, and he said, "You know, reception. The front desk.''

S.

Strange.

Finally, just three weeks until Peter King needs to ratchet up more useless bits that don't involve his kids:

j. Three weeks until I'm out of the kids-in-college business. Amazing. Where did the time go? And doesn't it seem like only yesterday when I was enraging half of you by writing an entire column about the Mary Beth King 1-0, complete-game, 16-inning pitching loss to Nutley? I'll never forget the great e-mail I got the next week from someone. It read: "What? No boxscore?''