Peter King's MMQB

[Al Yellon]

I don't know about Peter King, but this JD character does yeoman's work.

It's time to hand him a weekly column. With a link and everything.

JD's MMBBQ of Peter King's MMQB

[Internet Apex]

I don't know about Peter King, but this JD character does yeoman's work.

It's time to hand him a weekly column. With a link and everything.

JD's MMBBQ of Peter King's MMQB

SSMBBQ?

[PTanner]

I don't know about Peter King, but this JD character does yeoman's work.

It's time to hand him a weekly column. With a link and everything.

JD's MMBBQ of Peter King's MMQB

SSMBBQ?

We can set up a desk at Smoque for him.

[Three times a JD]

MM-BUMP-BQ

I'm going to ruin my morning so others don't have to.  Pete's writing about a black guy today, which is nice, I suppose.  I think did the interview over the phone, though, because, as we learned last week, black people can be crazy, y'all.  It's about Tomlin doing commencement speeches or something.  The thing was pretty boring, so I just skimmed it(OK, skimming's what I do to all his articles, but I don't get paid enough to read all of his crap).  Howevah, there were two things that caught my eye:

In a month, I'll have the same commencement assignment at my alma, Ohio University.

I get it right off the bat.  This whole Mike Tomlin interview thing was just a way for Pete to tell us he was speaking at a college that he graduated from.  Pete's clever that way.  And, if my skimming skills were better(or worse), then I would've missed it completely. 

"I did the smart thing at my second job, at Memphis,'' he said. "I had the same kind of shaky living conditions, so I talked them out of coming. When I got to Arkansas State [two years later], I bought a three-bedroom, two-bath home in a cul-de-sac. They liked that.''

Me and Mike Tomlin were at A-State at the same time.  We also left about the same time.  He left from there and went to the University of Cincinatti.  I dropped out of there and went to Army.  Army's a step up above Cincinatti, right?  Tomlin might've got me in the end, though, but at least I don't have to talk to Pete King.
Pete had 3 quotes of the week, and they all were equally un-interesting.  I did like this sentence:

Imagine Holt, with 1,000 catches, migrating to Carolina for two final NFL seasons.

That would be impossible for me.  I'm still imagining a skinny black kid at a small college in 2004. 

Pete's travel story was ridiculous.  There's too much stuff in there just begging to commented on.  Here's the gist:  some guy on a plane that wasn't a sportswriter was being annoying with his luggage and some other old guy was a jerk to that guy and the whole plane felt empathy for the person having to sit beside Pete King and smell his coffee farts for 3 hours.  The in-flight movie was Bucket List, though, and I have absolutely no idea why Pete decided to share that.
Sometimes I wonder what bothers Pete.  Then I wonder what bothers Roger Goodell.  Then I wonder what would bother Pete if he were Roger Goodell.  Now I know.

And it would bother me if I were Roger Goodell that Bill Belichick never told him about taping offensive signals, if indeed Belichick didn't, and we don't know if he did or didn't.

What the crap does that sentence even mean? 

And Pete still doesn't like Rex Grossman.  He gets his dig in while pondering what Bears fans might think about Ced Benson.

I think, if I were a Bears fan, I'd be thinking the Cedric Benson boating case in Texas is one great distraction. Too much coverage for a story about a guy who won't be on the team a year from now, about a guy who's been as big a disappointment as Rex Grossman. Bigger, maybe.

The Bears fans that I know are too busy giggling over a Hot Cop noticing a dangerous bulge in some guy's front left pocket. 

In Titans news:

I think Jevon Kearse might be writing the Comeback Player of the Year story in Tennessee.

As long as it's not Pete King writing it, then I'm fine with it.

Pete got an email from that Army dude.  Pete, like Apex, isn't a big fan of the Office right now.  Pete did one of those one-line things where he talks to one person and I guess it's kind of a shout-out or something.  Pete likes food, coffee, and sightseeing in Washington, DC.  He doesn't know anyone that went to Vietnam and he ended the stinker with this:

A belated Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. All you sons and daughters, if you haven't yet, please read Thomas Friedman's column in Sunday's New York Times. Great lessons in there for us all.

I don't know who he's talking to.  I'm betting the only mom that reads his crap is his own.  If I knew my mom read this crap, then I'd put her on hugs probation.  Then I'd kick her in the left shin, but I'd make it seem like an accident.  She'd get the picture.  Pete King sucks.  I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.




 

[RV]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

[TJ]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

I'm sure if Pter King actually polled Bears fans and football writers that have actually followed the Bears (or simply picked up a media guide), he'd be shocked that you could find 15 first-round Bear draft picks in the past 20 years who have been more disappointing than Rex:

Ced Benson
Brad Muster
Michael Haynes
Marc Colombo
John Thierry
Alonzo Spellman
David Terrell
Stan Thomas
Rashaan Salaam
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Curtis Conway
Wendell Davis
Rick Mirer (Essentially the No. 1 pick in 1997)

[Slaky+]

Since we're ripping on bad sportswriters here, I found a gem in Rosenbloom's "blog":

Ryne Sandberg was suspended for the second time in two years as manager of the Peoria Chiefs. Raise your hand if you think the Cubs would've won something important if he had done that as a player.

So, do I think that the Cubs would have won more if Ryno was suspended more often? No, I certainly don't think that. I don't think that makes sense in any universe.

[Kerm]

Since we're ripping on bad sportswriters here, I found a gem in Rosenbloom's "blog":

Ryne Sandberg was suspended for the second time in two years as manager of the Peoria Chiefs. Raise your hand if you think the Cubs would've won something important if he had done that as a player.

So, do I think that the Cubs would have won more if Ryno was suspended more often? No, I certainly don't think that. I don't think that makes sense in any universe.

If he'd have knocked over a bank and gone to prison, the Cubs would have won ten World Series titles.

[CT II]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

I'm sure if Pter King actually polled Bears fans and football writers that have actually followed the Bears (or simply picked up a media guide), he'd be shocked that you could find 15 first-round Bear draft picks in the past 20 years who have been more disappointing than Rex:

Ced Benson
Brad Muster
Michael Haynes
Marc Colombo
John Thierry
Alonzo Spellman
David Terrell
Stan Thomas
Rashaan Salaam
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Curtis Conway
Wendell Davis
Rick Mirer (Essentially the No. 1 pick in 1997)

Brad Muster?!?  Say it ain't so, TJ, say it ain't so...

[Andre Dawson's Creek]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

I'm sure if Pter King actually polled Bears fans and football writers that have actually followed the Bears (or simply picked up a media guide), he'd be shocked that you could find 15 first-round Bear draft picks in the past 20 years who have been more disappointing than Rex:

Ced Benson
Brad Muster
Michael Haynes
Marc Colombo
John Thierry
Alonzo Spellman
David Terrell
Stan Thomas
Rashaan Salaam
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Curtis Conway
Wendell Davis
Rick Mirer (Essentially the No. 1 pick in 1997)

Brad Muster?!?  Say it ain't so, TJ, say it ain't so...

Can I start the list of second rd busts with Fred Washington? What the  fuck did that guy ever do in a Bears uniform?

[CT II]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

I'm sure if Pter King actually polled Bears fans and football writers that have actually followed the Bears (or simply picked up a media guide), he'd be shocked that you could find 15 first-round Bear draft picks in the past 20 years who have been more disappointing than Rex:

Ced Benson
Brad Muster
Michael Haynes
Marc Colombo
John Thierry
Alonzo Spellman
David Terrell
Stan Thomas
Rashaan Salaam
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Curtis Conway
Wendell Davis
Rick Mirer (Essentially the No. 1 pick in 1997)

Brad Muster?!?  Say it ain't so, TJ, say it ain't so...

Can I start the list of second rd busts with Fred Washington? What the  fuck did that guy ever do in a Bears uniform?

He forgot that football is a collision sport.

[TJ]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

I'm sure if Pter King actually polled Bears fans and football writers that have actually followed the Bears (or simply picked up a media guide), he'd be shocked that you could find 15 first-round Bear draft picks in the past 20 years who have been more disappointing than Rex:

Ced Benson
Brad Muster
Michael Haynes
Marc Colombo
John Thierry
Alonzo Spellman
David Terrell
Stan Thomas
Rashaan Salaam
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Curtis Conway
Wendell Davis
Rick Mirer (Essentially the No. 1 pick in 1997)

Brad Muster?!?  Say it ain't so, TJ, say it ain't so...

Can I start the list of second rd busts with Fred Washington? What the  fuck did that guy ever do in a Bears uniform?

First guy to suffer two simultaneous decapitations.

[RV]

I apologize if you read this far because this post kinda sucked, too.

I think I think you couldn't be more wrong about this. So a guy who was the #4 pick in the draft and will be lucky to have Ron Dayne's career MIGHT BE a bigger disappointment than the guy who quarterbacked the Bears to their first Super Bowl in 20 years?

I'm sure if Pter King actually polled Bears fans and football writers that have actually followed the Bears (or simply picked up a media guide), he'd be shocked that you could find 15 first-round Bear draft picks in the past 20 years who have been more disappointing than Rex:

Ced Benson
Brad Muster
Michael Haynes
Marc Colombo
John Thierry
Alonzo Spellman
David Terrell
Stan Thomas
Rashaan Salaam
Cade McNown
Curtis Enis
Walt Harris
Curtis Conway
Wendell Davis
Rick Mirer (Essentially the No. 1 pick in 1997)

Brad Muster?!?  Say it ain't so, TJ, say it ain't so...

Can I start the list of second rd busts with Fred Washington? What the  fuck did that guy ever do in a Bears uniform?

I'm pretty sure I know who BC would add to the list.

[PTanner]

The Bears, or any other team in the NFL, would have some tough sledding to out-dumbass Gang Green as far as draft picks go.

Remember the year they cut the entire draft class? The year they took Jeff Lagemann with the #7 pick, prompting Kiper to say "The Jets have no idea what the draft is for"?

Steak balls.

[Waco Kid]

The Bears, or any other team in the NFL, would have some tough sledding to out-dumbass Gang Green as far as draft picks go.

Remember the year they cut the entire draft class? The year they took Jeff Lagemann with the #7 pick, prompting Kiper to say "The Jets have no idea what the draft is for"?

Steak balls.

Matt Millen is giving Gang Green quite a run for their money.