The only site I'll ever need...

[Chuck to Chuck]

Cancel the date.  If she doesn't have plans for today to watch the game (or at least to be with people watching the game), where will this relationship be when you are married with a bun in the oven and the Cubs are playing the London Kings for the True World Series Title in 2018?

If she doesn't understand what the value of today is, she's not worth even a cup of mocha.

[powen01]

I am at a bar across the street from the coffee shop to minimize travel time and maximize Bears time.

My first question is going to be " So, do you happen to be a Bears fan?".

She is a 1st generation immigrant Russian Jew. I am not sure I am working with the correct demographic here; but hope springs eternal.

[Shooter]

I am at a bar across the street from the coffee shop to minimize travel time and maximize Bears time.

My first question is going to be " So, do you happen to be a Bears fan?".

She is a 1st generation immigrant Russian Jew. I am not sure I am working with the correct demographic here; but hope springs eternal.

If you're going that route, you should have just gone mail-order.

[Wheezer]

My first question is going to be " So, do you happen to be a Bears fan?".

You would have been better off asking whether she thought Nabokov was an "inconvenient postmodernist." These types are very susceptible to football.

[Bort]

In hindsight, the coffee date was probably a better idea anyway.

[powen01]

In hindsight, the coffee date was probably a better idea anyway.

In hindsight, I should have just kept trail running this morning and skipped out on the rest of the day.

The "date" lasted an hour and fiffteen minutes, just long enough for me to get back to the bar and watch the last two minutes of the game.

She probably has teeth in her vag anyway.

[Bort]

In hindsight, the coffee date was probably a better idea anyway.

In hindsight, I should have just kept trail running this morning and skipped out on the rest of the day.

The "date" lasted an hour and fiffteen minutes, just long enough for me to get back to the bar and watch the last two minutes of the game.

She probably has teeth in her vag anyway.

The important thing to remember: this is the worst day ever.

[Wheezer]

Does anyone know of any sites or places beyond those scams like plasticjungle/cardavenue/etc. that will allow for 1-1 trades between people with various gift cards?  

No, but Wheezer has a dead cat you can have.

The cat's been placed, but I can still get you a deal on a long-suffering dog.

I'd take him in a heartbeat if I didn't have my hands full with the beagles.  That's an awesome dog.

Adopted. Anybody up for park dumps?

In case anyone feels like renting some puppies:

Hi, cat people. I realize that Hyde Park Cats is, well, for cats, but I thought I'd reach out to see if any of you have an interest in fostering some teeny puppies. The dog rescue group I work with, Chicagoland Bullybreed Rescue, is utterly swamped with pitbull puppies that we need to find foster homes for. Most recently we were contacted about a litter or 9 2-3 week old babies confiscated by police. They are in immediate need of foster parents who can bottle feed them and give them special care in place of their mom. We can break the pups into pairs, so no one person needs to commit to raising all 9. Wee puppies must be fed several times a day from a baby bottle, and they must be kept warm and clean. They begin to eat puppy food mush at about 4 weeks.

We are also swamped with requests for foster families for older litters--between 6 and 10 weeks old. Similarly, we like to foster pups in pairs when they are weaned so they can continue their normal socialization process.

CBBR provides vet care, food, and supplies to our foster families. You provide the love and care. We have an excellent track record of placing puppies and adult dogs with great families, and we host adoption events almost weekly. If you are interested in fostering for us we'd love to hear from you. Contact me directly at this e-mail addy, or fill out an application at www.chicagolandbullybreedrescue.org and specify that you'd like to foster puppies. And, yes, pitties raised with cats grow up loving and respecting cats. :)

[The address is Echo Echo Victor India Echo Sierra Mike India Tango Hotel at gmail.]

[J. Walter Weatherman]

I can connect through a proxy.  Resetting my modem hasn't achieved anything.  When I ping mlb.com it times out.  The firewall on my router isn't switched on at all.

Mlb.com is akin to the Polisario.  I can't ping it either, but that's because an orgy of Flashturbation requires layers of regimentation.

Again, what does your browser do when you attempt to summon mlb.com?  (BT as ISP?)

Essentially, it does nothing.  I'm using IE (sadly, I don't have a choice), and the little flag waves and nothing happens.  Sometimes it says that it's opening the IP address of mlb.com, and then doesn't, and sometimes it says "done", when it hasn't - the flag is still waving.  I don't think this helps much, does it?

Not suprisingly, I can log on to mlb.com through my work server - but then I can't watch mlb.tv.  I have a detailed plan for this evening :

a) Get kids off to bed
b) Kiss Mrs. Tonk goodnight
c) Watch Carlos' no-hitter
d) Watch Carlos' no-hitter again
e) Etc.
f) Wake up at 0400, wipe dribble from chin and go to bed

... that is in serious jeopardy.  Won't somebody think of the no-hitter?

Call your local Internet Provider. I'm sure they'll understand the gravity of the situation.

My Internet Provider is a bunch of utter cunts who would see me in hell before they lifted a finger to help me.  Anybody got a different solution?

Move to AMERICA, Eurotrash.

GOD, no.  Bloody place is full of Americans.

If you were living here you could have seen Big Zed throw a no hitter bowl a maiden against Hooston.

Tsk.

Is that one of those terms Cricket Fans use, like "Test Match" or "The Ashes" or "I am a native of Sri Lanka?"

Or "I don't think there are any cricket-playing gangsters"...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12382224

Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj7J7vXCf5w

[Bort]

I can connect through a proxy.  Resetting my modem hasn't achieved anything.  When I ping mlb.com it times out.  The firewall on my router isn't switched on at all.

Mlb.com is akin to the Polisario.  I can't ping it either, but that's because an orgy of Flashturbation requires layers of regimentation.

Again, what does your browser do when you attempt to summon mlb.com?  (BT as ISP?)

Essentially, it does nothing.  I'm using IE (sadly, I don't have a choice), and the little flag waves and nothing happens.  Sometimes it says that it's opening the IP address of mlb.com, and then doesn't, and sometimes it says "done", when it hasn't - the flag is still waving.  I don't think this helps much, does it?

Not suprisingly, I can log on to mlb.com through my work server - but then I can't watch mlb.tv.  I have a detailed plan for this evening :

a) Get kids off to bed
b) Kiss Mrs. Tonk goodnight
c) Watch Carlos' no-hitter
d) Watch Carlos' no-hitter again
e) Etc.
f) Wake up at 0400, wipe dribble from chin and go to bed

... that is in serious jeopardy.  Won't somebody think of the no-hitter?

Call your local Internet Provider. I'm sure they'll understand the gravity of the situation.

My Internet Provider is a bunch of utter cunts who would see me in hell before they lifted a finger to help me.  Anybody got a different solution?

Move to AMERICA, Eurotrash.

GOD, no.  Bloody place is full of Americans.

If you were living here you could have seen Big Zed throw a no hitter bowl a maiden against Hooston.

Tsk.

Is that one of those terms Cricket Fans use, like "Test Match" or "The Ashes" or "I am a native of Sri Lanka?"

Or "I don't think there are any cricket-playing gangsters"...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12382224

Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj7J7vXCf5w

I don't even remember saying that...

[smg]

Is even TurboTax Premier robust enough to report tenders and sales of RSUs, where the original RSU was converted into cash plus shares of an acquiring company, and then sold, and the 1099s show only the cash and the stock sales on separate forms?  I have instructions on how to do lengthy but not complicated calculations to figure out basis and net gain/loss, but then the numbers on Schedule D don't match the 1099s, which seems bad, in terms of potentially tripping an audit flag.  Annoyingly, this is all really just a reporting issue and not a cash issue -- all of the grants and withholdings are already in my W2, and there is only trivial gain/loss.  But I seriously cannot figure out how to report it.  I should hire someone, right?  But I've never hired anyone.  Grrr.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Is even TurboTax Premier robust enough to report tenders and sales of RSUs, where the original RSU was converted into cash plus shares of an acquiring company, and then sold, and the 1099s show only the cash and the stock sales on separate forms?  I have instructions on how to do lengthy but not complicated calculations to figure out basis and net gain/loss, but then the numbers on Schedule D don't match the 1099s, which seems bad, in terms of potentially tripping an audit flag.  Annoyingly, this is all really just a reporting issue and not a cash issue -- all of the grants and withholdings are already in my W2, and there is only trivial gain/loss.  But I seriously cannot figure out how to report it.  I should hire someone, right?  But I've never hired anyone.  Grrr.

Intrepid Reader: TDubbs

Hi.

[Bort]

Is even TurboTax Premier robust enough to report tenders and sales of RSUs, where the original RSU was converted into cash plus shares of an acquiring company, and then sold, and the 1099s show only the cash and the stock sales on separate forms?  I have instructions on how to do lengthy but not complicated calculations to figure out basis and net gain/loss, but then the numbers on Schedule D don't match the 1099s, which seems bad, in terms of potentially tripping an audit flag.  Annoyingly, this is all really just a reporting issue and not a cash issue -- all of the grants and withholdings are already in my W2, and there is only trivial gain/loss.  But I seriously cannot figure out how to report it.  I should hire someone, right?  But I've never hired anyone.  Grrr.

Intrepid Reader: TDubbs

Hi.

She needs them notarized?

[Yeti]

Is even TurboTax Premier robust enough to report tenders and sales of RSUs, where the original RSU was converted into cash plus shares of an acquiring company, and then sold, and the 1099s show only the cash and the stock sales on separate forms?  I have instructions on how to do lengthy but not complicated calculations to figure out basis and net gain/loss, but then the numbers on Schedule D don't match the 1099s, which seems bad, in terms of potentially tripping an audit flag.  Annoyingly, this is all really just a reporting issue and not a cash issue -- all of the grants and withholdings are already in my W2, and there is only trivial gain/loss.  But I seriously cannot figure out how to report it.  I should hire someone, right?  But I've never hired anyone.  Grrr.

I know someone who ripped the IRS off for like 2-3 grand a couple years back and he hasn't gone to jail yet. At least not that I know of.

[PenPho]

Is even TurboTax Premier robust enough to report tenders and sales of RSUs, where the original RSU was converted into cash plus shares of an acquiring company, and then sold, and the 1099s show only the cash and the stock sales on separate forms?  I have instructions on how to do lengthy but not complicated calculations to figure out basis and net gain/loss, but then the numbers on Schedule D don't match the 1099s, which seems bad, in terms of potentially tripping an audit flag.  Annoyingly, this is all really just a reporting issue and not a cash issue -- all of the grants and withholdings are already in my W2, and there is only trivial gain/loss.  But I seriously cannot figure out how to report it.  I should hire someone, right?  But I've never hired anyone.  Grrr.

Intrepid Reader: TDubbs

Hi.

She needs them notarized?

He'll notarize them on camera for $500.