Opening. Day. Female. Odges.

[ChuckD]

You may be thankful that twenty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great 2009 Championship Season, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, 'Well, your Granddaddy was an Astros fan.'"

No, Sir! You can look him straight in the eye and say, 'Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Chicago Cubs and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Dave Patton!'

As long as he keeps getting ahead, this Patton fella might be on to something.

Also, we're a mere few games away from a serious Milton Bradley spit-swappin' shirtless-huggin' splooge-A-roonie. No hits yet but four walks already. I smell some serious ball pounding coming up.

Just wait till he starts going yard. I already have a gross of Crazy Uncle Milton Shot Blaster shirts printed up.  It's gonna be legend...wait fo..dary. You thought "Horry Kow" and "It's Gonna Happen" were big? Wait till those buttwipes get a face full of my C.U.M. Shot Blaster logo ringer tees. Boom. Easy street.

[Simmer]

You may be thankful that twenty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great 2009 Championship Season, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, 'Well, your Granddaddy was an Astros fan.'"

No, Sir! You can look him straight in the eye and say, 'Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Chicago Cubs and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Dave Patton!'

Repeating what I said in the Shoutbox -- TEC is awesome.

[Internet Apex]

WOOOOO!!! What TEC said, statmankissers!

And speaking of the S-Box. It took me the entire game last night to come up with any Astrolls player ever that I didn't hate. I even called my dad and he said Bagwell so I hung up on him. We could start the single shortest thread ever and invite CarloszNo1fan trying to compile this list. But let's not. Here's what I came up with.

Flash Gordon.

/thread. On to Milwaukee, octaroons.

I fucking HATE Milwaukee. 

[Slaky]

WOOOOO!!! What TEC said, statmankissers!

And speaking of the S-Box. It took me the entire game last night to come up with any Astrolls player ever that I didn't hate. I even called my dad and he said Bagwell so I hung up on him. We could start the single shortest thread ever and invite CarloszNo1fan trying to compile this list. But let's not. Here's what I came up with.

Flash Gordon.

/thread. On to Milwaukee, octaroons.

I fucking HATE Milwaukee. 

Amen to that. David Patton's off speed pitch will drink the blood of the non-believers right out of the carton and doesn't give a shit whether or not it leaves the cardboard spout open when it puts it back in the Frigidaire.

CUM SHOT BLASTERS!

[Eli]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

[Waco Kid]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

I think Lilly will be fine. I don't know how much of his normal spring training regiment was shelved due to that WBC nonsense.

[powen01]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

I think Lilly will be fine. I don't know how much of his normal spring training regiment was shelved due to that WBC nonsense.

If we can find some hookers for him to feed on, he should be fine.  Just throw a few in his cage and let him play with them a bit.  You know, paw them around like a big cat...

[Kermit, B.]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

I think Lilly will be fine. I don't know how much of his normal spring training regiment was shelved due to that WBC nonsense.

If we can find some hookers for him to feed on, he should be fine.  Just throw a few in his cage and let him play with them a bit.  You know, paw them around like a big cat puma...

What you Berkmeant'ed.

[powen01]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

I think Lilly will be fine. I don't know how much of his normal spring training regiment was shelved due to that WBC nonsense.

If we can find some hookers for him to feed on, he should be fine.  Just throw a few in his cage and let him play with them a bit.  You know, paw them around like a big cat puma...

What you Berkmeant'ed.

Did I just hear someone say "STAB! STAB! STAB!"?

I could have sworn I just heard that. 

Oh well, me and the voices have to go for a run now...

[Waco Kid]

I have to say it, Little Pumas? Someone should inform these guys that Lance is a fat ass, so that they can change these costumes as needed.

[Dave B]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

Concur. The gopher ball is of concern so far. Lots of long bombs.

[Kermit, B.]

Great win last night, but I'm a little concerned about Lilly.  It took him a while to get going last year, and he's looked pretty bad so far.  Hopefully he can get his velocity up quicker than in the past.

/minor doom

Concur. The gopher ball is of concern so far. Lots of long bombs.

Or, you could think about it this way:  He gave up 1/8th of the home runs he's going to give up this year in one start!  And he still won!  ANTI-DOOOOOOOOOM!

[Lukester]

I have to say it, Little Pumas? Someone should inform these guys that Lance is a fat ass, so that they can change these costumes as needed.

I think they already know that.   Look at those puma suits,  they ordered em baggy.     I think they plan on eating their way into them. 

[MAD]

Lilly was a slow starter last year as well.

[Quality Start Machine]

Lilly was a slow starter last year as well.

He starts slow every year. A lot of curveballers do. As the weather gets warmer, they get better grips, and the ball breaks better in the more humid air.

It's science.