Opening. Day. Female. Odges.

[flannj]

God, I fucking HATE the Astros.

No shit. I've been sitting here for the last 20 minutes sulking because of that shitty ending. Three turdlet ground balls and they lose. Goddamn Neal Cotts almost had me fooled. I'll never let that happen again.

Every year I think I've gotten over my near-irrational* hatred of the Astros. Then I see those fuckstains and want them all dead, all over again.



*I say near-irrational, because I still think it's fully justified.

I don't have near the hate for the Astros as I do for the Cardinals and Brewers.  Not sure where the Astros hate comes from...was it last year's hurricane dibacle?

See, I can't muster up any hatred for the Brewers.  They're just so damn cute with their little baseball club up there.  Plus, it's easy to get tickets to Cubs games in Milwaukee.

Brewers FANS, on the other hand.  I hate the pant-pissing lot of them.

So, it goes all the way back to the Beeg love.  You should blame that on Harray's waterhead grandson, Chip.  As far as Berkman, I don't recall any cheating...the guy's just good at hitting baseballs.

Except all those times he pretends to get hit in the head by baseballs that don't actually hit him.  He's a whore.  Carlos Lee can go fug himself, too.  And I hope Oswalt gets run over by a tractor.  And Jose Valverde is one of the guys I'd most like to see take a line drive off the temple.

And as far as "The Beege" (Christ I can't even type that without gritting my teeth) it starts with the level of smarminess that could rival Garvey, the leaning over the plate with the elbow armor, the whole "Bee boys" bullshit and the Ironman persona. Chip just added his own brand of fucked to the mix.
This is really making me ANGRY.

[Oleg]

I like hating stuff, too!

[MAD]

So much ANGER.

You should have all gone to bed after 9 innings like I did.

[Kermit, B.]

Let's not forget that Mike fucking Hampton was an Astro.  I think that turd was in the same frat as TDubbs.

[CT III]

Let's not forget that Mike fucking Hampton wasIS an Astro.  I think that turd was in the same frat as TDubbs.

Isn't he back with them?

[LoneStarCubFan]

Let's not forget that Mike fucking Hampton wasIS an Astro.  I think that turd was in the same frat as TDubbs.

Isn't he back with them?

Yes. He'll make his five starts then go on the DL with strained eyelid or some shit like that.

And Hunter Pence is the goofiest looking motherfucker in professional sports. He looks like a fucking cartoon character and that annoys the shit out of me for no rational reason.

[TDubbs]

Let's not forget that Mike fucking Hampton was an Astro.  I think that turd was in the same frat as TDubbs.

I Wanna Bangya?

[Kermit, B.]

Let's not forget that Mike fucking Hampton wasIS an Astro.  I think that turd was in the same frat as TDubbs.

Isn't he back with them?

I completely forgot about that.

[Tank]

As far as Berkman, I don't recall any cheating...the guy's just good at hitting baseballs.

Except all those times he pretends to get hit in the head by baseballs that don't actually hit him.  He's a whore.

Baseballs... and lightning.

(Very very frightening.)

[MAD]

As far as Berkman, I don't recall any cheating...the guy's just good at hitting baseballs.

Except all those times he pretends to get hit in the head by baseballs that don't actually hit him.  He's a whore.

Baseballs... and lightning.

(Very very frightening.)

Mike Gallego, Mike Gallego
Mike Gallego, Mike Gallego
Mike Gallego figaro-magnifico!

[*In a Nutsack]

I could only get the FOX Sports Net Houston feed of the opener, but the FSNH guys actually said that Roy Oswalt would go down as the best Astros pitcher of all time.

They abviously forgot about this hobo:



Oh, and this schlum:



And those are just two off the top of my head.

[Oleg]

Mike Scott only had about 5 good years as an Astro, including his sick '86.  Nolan Ryan also only had about 5 good years as an Astro, including 1981 with an ERA+ of 192!

The little shitbag, on the other hand, has had 8 very good seasons, never posting an ERA+ below 120.

I suppose one could make an argument for JR Richard, but he only had 5 good seasons as a Stro, as well, before his arm fell off.

I'd say it's Oswalt.

[Eli]

Nolan Ryan really only had two great seasons with the Astros.  He's a Hall of Famer because he was an effective pitcher for almost 30 years, which is amazing.  But I think he winds up overrated because of the sheer numbers he compiled.  

And I think you're really underestimating Oswalt.  Just for comparison, he's pitched 8 seasons with the Astros and has a 139 ERA+.  Ryan had a 110 ERA+ in his eight seasons with the team.

Edit: What Oleg said.

[MAD]

Mike Hampton may have had a better run with the 'stros than The Scuffballer and the Freak of Nature.

[Oleg]

Mike Hampton may have had a better run with the 'stros than The Scuffballer and the Freak of Nature.

My first reaction was that you were talking crazy.  Upon further review, I think you're right.

edit: He did walk a lot of hitters, though.  Without looking at it more closely, I would think his defense had bailed him out a lot.  I think I'd put him below Ryan and above Scott.  His K/BB ratios are atrocious, but his one awesome year, '99, his WHIP was still 1.29.  Weird numbers, I'd say.

edit2: Man, it's good to have baseball back!