"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[LoneStarCubFan]

I'm not going BC on anybody but I'm not going to think about final standings until late September. Right now, I'm enjoying today, because today is a beautiful thing. I'm not worried about the Cardinals, the Brewers, the D-Bags or anybody.

Theodore Roosevelt Lilly, Ogdens. Just win tonight, baby... 

I'll drink a giblet of Hendry 2002 to that. Apex, when do you make your grand entrance into Cook County?

August 18. I went apartment hunting all weekend with my girlfriend. Pretty depressing stuff. I go from being somebody with a good jorb and and a nice downtown apartment to being a nobody with an interview at the temp agency and a bunch of shitty apartments to choose from faster than Butchie Yost can raise his right arm to beckon the namesake of this thread.

But yesterday, I ignored all my better judgement and drove down to Wrigleyville, parked for free near the bike check and took a windy walk around the park with my sweetie. I bought her a tank top and showed her what the glory hole was for. The game was starting so we went to Sluggers and sat at the bar eating onion rings and watching the game. I went up to the batting cage and while she played pinball, I got my softball swing figured out. I've been dropping my hands.

Then we smoked a doob and stole a Chunky Bar from White Hen.

Then we went for a walk to sober up, got in our car and drove back to Indy. And I remembered why I'm doing this. Because I can't be the person I want to be if I don't take some chances, get off my dead, complacent ass and make some tough choices with my life. It'll be ok. See you in a couple weeks, Odgens.

Reminds me of when I moved into the city for the first time. June, 2003. You picked a good time son. A good time indeed.

I first moved to the city in April, 1998.  I like this trend.

The last three times I've been to Wrigley to see the Cubs have been in 1998, 2003 and...2007.

Fair-weather fan?

Nope, just don't get to Chicago nearly as much as I'd like. I usually catch them at least once a season in Houston though.

[Fork_The_Third]

I first got to Chicago in September of 1962.

I was so bad-ass, even as a new-born, that the Soviets started putting missles in Cuba.

[Taylor]

I first got to Chicago in September of 1962.

I was so bad-ass, even as a new-born, that the Soviets started putting missles in Cuba Cuber.

JFK'd

[BC]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

[air2300]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

You have to be fucking kidding me...

[Internet Apex]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

Let's say you walk out your door someday and get hit by a bus and then struck by lightening. It could happen you know. That's not even taking into account the worst case scenario that it happens before the end of this summer so that you die a virgin. Either way, the Cardinals won't win the Central.

[Kermit]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

You have to be f@#$ing kidding me...

He's right.  If the Cubs inexplicably go 6-14 over their next 20 and the Cards go 14-5 over that time, the Cubs are only in striking distance of the Cards.

[LoneStarCubFan]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

Dude, get a grip.

[flannj]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

So why even bother following the Cubs?
Or even real baseball.
Instead why don't you play a baseball video game and stack your team so you win every game.
Jeezus

[JS]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

So why even bother following the Cubs?
Or even real baseball.
Instead why don't you play a baseball video game and stack your team so you win every game.

I'm sure BC would find the dark cloud with something like that as well.

[TJ]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

Yes, yes, and the events of this past week saw the following:

Brewers go 2-5; Cubs go 4-2; Cards go 4-3. The Cardinals were at home where you should expect a little boost.  So they pulled a couple games out of their ass. Give me a few minutes and I could point you to some awesome wins by the 1982, 1983, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2005 and even the 2006 Cubs. At no point did those dramatic wins (some of them over fading first-place clubs) ignite these teams to a division title.

Enjoy the sunshine.

[butthead]

I'm scared of the Astros.

[bozos72]

BC, this isn't a healthy outlook you have.  There are folks here who have gotten kicked in the nuts definitely a few times over the past several decades who don't have nearly the bleak outlook you have.  Hell, I bet they somewhat expect it.

You're a young kid.  Hell, one could argue that the Cubs have actually been a somewhat successful franchise in your lifetime.  You really should learn to just enjoy this ride.

Get some prespective, man.  It's good for you.

[CT II]

BC, this isn't a healthy outlook you have.  There are folks here who have gotten kicked in the nuts definitely a few times over the past several decades who don't have nearly the bleak outlook you have.  Hell, I bet they somewhat expect it.

You're a young kid.  Hell, one could argue that the Cubs have actually been a somewhat successful franchise in your lifetime.  You really should learn to just enjoy this ride.

Get some prespective, man.  It's good for you.

The only thing that can give us perspective are large-scale disasters that kill a lot of people.

Duh.

[Down In Front]

BC, this isn't a healthy outlook you have.  There are folks here who have gotten kicked in the nuts definitely a few times over the past several decades who don't have nearly the bleak outlook you have.  Hell, I bet they somewhat expect it.

You're a young kid.  Hell, one could argue that the Cubs have actually been a somewhat successful franchise in your lifetime.  You really should learn to just enjoy this ride.

Get some prespective, man.  It's good for you.

The only thing that can give us perspective are large-scale disasters that kill a lot of people.

Duh.

And athletes dying young.