"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[CT II]

BC, this isn't a healthy outlook you have.  There are folks here who have gotten kicked in the nuts definitely a few times over the past several decades who don't have nearly the bleak outlook you have.  Hell, I bet they somewhat expect it.

You're a young kid.  Hell, one could argue that the Cubs have actually been a somewhat successful franchise in your lifetime.  You really should learn to just enjoy this ride.

Get some prespective, man.  It's good for you.

The only thing that can give us perspective are large-scale disasters that kill a lot of people.

Duh.

And athletes dying young.

I always forget that one.

[Chuckosan]

BC, this isn't a healthy outlook you have.  There are folks here who have gotten kicked in the nuts definitely a few times over the past several decades who don't have nearly the bleak outlook you have.  Hell, I bet they somewhat expect it.

You're a young kid.  Hell, one could argue that the Cubs have actually been a somewhat successful franchise in your lifetime.  You really should learn to just enjoy this ride.

I was where BC is about four weeks ago.  A few things happened that turned my worldview.  1) The Brewers and Cards lost their best pitchers; 2) The Cubs continued to win; and, kinda a big one here, 3) THE CUBS ACTUALLY CAME FROM 9 UNDER .500 TO LEAD THE DIVISION IN FEWEST LOSSES!!!

Hell, yeah, I thought Buehrle would go to the Cards and the Cubs spanking the Sox would hasten that and lead to years of more frustration.  THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Deal with it.

[Shooter]

So why even bother following the Cubs?
Or even real baseball.
Instead why don't you play a baseball video game and stack your team so you win every game.

I'm sure BC would find the dark cloud with something like that as well.

Intrepid Reader: BC
Look at what happened to Springfield against Shelbyville. They had Scioscia, Mattingly, Boggs, Ozzie Smith, Sax, Canseco, Griffey, Strawberry, and Clemens, and it still came down to Homer getting beaned in his melon to win the game.

[TJ]

Here, BC, look at this. It should cheer you up.

This is Chuck Dickens' handiwork following the tragic death of Josh Hancock, which has allowed us to "put things in perspective," not to mention feed a number of hungry lawyers:

[Corn-fed]

Here, BC, look at this. It should cheer you up.

This is Chuck Dickens' handiwork following the tragic death of Josh Hancock, which has allowed us to "put things in perspective," not to mention feed a number of hungry lawyers:

I don't understand the inclusion of Hulk. Or is he just a walking, breathing American flag?

[Internet Apex]

Here, BC, look at this. It should cheer you up.

This is Chuck Dickens' handiwork following the tragic death of Josh Hancock, which has allowed us to "put things in perspective," not to mention feed a number of hungry lawyers:

I don't understand the inclusion of Hulk. Or is he just a walking, breathing American flag?

He is a REAL American, who fights for the rights of EVERY MAN, fights for what's right, fights for your life!

[bozos72]

Here, BC, look at this. It should cheer you up.

This is Chuck Dickens' handiwork following the tragic death of Josh Hancock, which has allowed us to "put things in perspective," not to mention feed a number of hungry lawyers:

And to wrap this up nicely...

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-hancocklawsuit&prov=ap&type=lgns

[Corn-fed]

Here, BC, look at this. It should cheer you up.

This is Chuck Dickens' handiwork following the tragic death of Josh Hancock, which has allowed us to "put things in perspective," not to mention feed a number of hungry lawyers:

I don't understand the inclusion of Hulk. Or is he just a walking, breathing American flag?

He is a REAL American, who fights for the rights of EVERY MAN, fights for what's right, fights for your life!

If you ever get in trouble and you need a helping hand
Just call on the Hulkster and he will be your friend
He'll stand up for your freedom, he'll stand up for your rights
United you both will stand, together you will fight

[SD]

--Where was the Desipio Welcoming Committee when I moved to Chicago in September 2003?  I think that's why I moved out of Chicago in September 2003 (the very next day to be precise).

--That picture needs more Chris Benoit.  So what if he's Canadian?  Racist.

--Is there anyway to activate filtering/blocking options?  I've stuck up for BC more than anyone here, just because I don't like to see the poor chap picked on.  But now, I want to block the sonnielabitch.  Reading that shit -- I just simply cannot take it anymore.  I just ejected a testicle-sized sac full of poisonous infection that kept me bedridden for this past week, I will be gotDAMNed! if I let BC ruin this coming next week to follow! 

I have a new lease on life after purging this rotten infection, and the Cubs have a new lease on this baseball season.  Live it up, female bitchez! (Ogden is a town in Iowa, you know.  That's just lame)

[BC]

(Ogden is a town in Iowa, you know.  That's just lame)

It's also a town in Illinois. Makes Pesotum look like a thriving metropolis.

I'm just worried because we all did this over-confident stuff in '04. Granted, there is no LaTroy Hawkins on this team, which makes me feel better.

[bozos72]

(Ogden is a town in Iowa, you know.  That's just lame)

It's also a town in Illinois. Makes Pesotum look like a thriving metropolis.

I'm just worried because we all did this over-confident stuff in '04. Granted, there is no LaTroy Hawkins on this team, which makes me feel better.

Anyone else get the feeling that if Pienella was in charge in '03 and '04 we'd be looking at a pair of 95-win teams?  Maybe 100-wins?  Those were good teams.

[Chuckosan]

Anyone else get the feeling that if Pienella was in charge in '03 and '04 we'd be looking at a pair of 95-win teams?  Maybe 100-wins?  Those were good teams.

Yes.  Also, Steve Stone would still be here.  Hendry would have had his nose "Chrisophered" last winter.  And Andy MacPhail's picture would be on the back of milk cartons.

[Andy]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

Stop it.  Just stop it.  What makes you think the Cardinals can go 14-5 in a season when they struggle to even approach .500.

How about this scenario?  The Cubs and Brewers team planes collide in mid air and the crash lands on the Bears training camp in Bourbonnais?  Roger Goddell, Bud Selig, The Pope and GW Bush decide that in the best interests of the Midwest that the NFL and MLB seasons be cancelled, and they declare the Cardinals the winners of the World Series and the Packers the winners of the Super Bowl?

Now THERE is something to worry about.

[Grandmaster Wang]

Intrepid Reader: BC
Look at what happened to Springfield against Shelbyville. They had Scioscia, Mattingly, Boggs, Ozzie Smith, Sax, Canseco, Griffey, Strawberry, and Clemens, and it still came down to Homer getting beaned in his melon to win the game.

That's only because they suffered nine separate misfortunes. BC's video game team would never suffer nine separate misfortunes. Two? Sure, I could see that. Six? Meh, there's an outside chance. But nine? Pfft, I'd like to see that.

[MDZ]

Intrepid Reader: BC
Look at what happened to Springfield against Shelbyville. They had Scioscia, Mattingly, Boggs, Ozzie Smith, Sax, Canseco, Griffey, Strawberry, and Clemens, and it still came down to Homer getting beaned in his melon to win the game.

That's only because they suffered nine separate misfortunes. BC's video game team would never suffer nine separate misfortunes. Two? Sure, I could see that. Six? Meh, there's an outside chance. But nine? Pfft, I'd like to see that.

Well anyone can OD on nerve tonic to become Shelden Williams.