"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[CubFaninHydePark]

Let's say that...

This week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 4-2

Standings would be:

MIL 59-53 --
CHC 57-53 1 GB
STL 53-55 4 GB

Next week:

Cubs go 2-5
Brewers go 1-5
Cardinals go 5-2

MIL 60-58 --
CHC 59-58 .5 GB
STL 58-57 .5 GB

Week after (Remember that STL plays both MIL and CHC):

Say the Cardinals sweep the Brewers at MIL while the Cubs can only win 1 of 3 from the Reds, then the Cardinals go to CHC and win 2 of 3 while the Brewers can win 2 of 3 from the Reds...

Cubs go 2-4
Brewers go 2-4
Cardinals go 5-1

STL 63-58 --
MIL 62-62 2.5 GB
CHC 61-62 3 GB

-----

That scenario is realistic, and doesn't even take into account worst-case scenarios that could see the Brewers and Cubs even farther behind than the 2.5 and 3 games back they are in this scenario.

I'm still trying to follow this.  Where do the 15-1 and 12-1 losses the Cardinals have posted on their way to a 1-5 road trip through Pissburgh and DC fit in?

Somewhere between a rock and a hard place.

Or a Piniero and a Looper if you want to Cardinals starting pitching the expression.

[D. Doluntap]

Kid: A looper?

Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Sorry. It's early.

[Down In Front]

Never apologize for quoting Bill Murray and/or "Caddyshack"

[SD]

I've learned from these last 1-2 pages that:

SD = BC = Bill Murray

Wait, am I supposed to resent this inference?  I'm pretty sure I am.  But something's stopping me.  I'm not sure what it is -- I cannot seem to put my finger on it.  No, it is there surely, but ... 

So, did BC have to return from his deathbed to receive total consciousness?  At least we have that going for us.  Which is nice.

[Taylor]

The Cubs and Brewers are now in a race to see who gets below .500 first.

[LoneStarCubFan]

Fuck this fucking team right in the fucking ear. One fucking run off of Wandy Fucking Rodriguez? Go to hell you gutless fucking pussies.

[EG]

f@#$ this f@#$ing team right in the f@#$ing ear. One f@#$ing run off of Wandy f@#$ing Rodriguez? Go to hell you gutless f@#$ing pussies.

Uncrazy'd.

[Slaky+]

The Cubs and Brewers are now in a race to see who gets below .500 first.

Might as well get Soto up here now. I mean, if we really are trying to recreate the Earlier This Very Same Fucking Season Iowa Cubs, lets go all out. Let's do it right. Come on Jim, your move.

[Shooter]

f@#$ this f@#$ing team right in the f@#$ing ear. One f@#$ing run off of Wandy f@#$ing Rodriguez? Go to hell you gutless f@#$ing pussies.

Wandy Rodriguez is one of those baseball oddities. He has 1.69 ERA and 0.91 WHIP at Minute Maid. On the road, it's 8.16 ERA and a 1.73 WHIP.

[Down In Front]

Not to be Al Yellon but they're in this thing till the end.  Better get used to it.

I would have preferred they start kicking asses and taking names in August, like they did in '84 (day games my ass).  Instead, it looks like they're about to play down to the competition like they did in '03.  Both seasons ended similarly, but this team blew their chance at getting some early-August separation.  Didn't happen cuz their rotation is barely average.  Thank God that these are down times for the NL. 

In any event, sloppy baseball or not, it's still better than them being done by now.  It's easier to read about the Bears knowing that they're gonna be awesome yet still on the backburner rather than have to absorb reports out of Bourbannais like they were drops of water in the desert.

[Internet Apex]

Whether they're in contention or not, games like last night's are hard to watch listen to follow on the internet my cellphone while watching a movie.

Six straight K's in the 8th and 9th. My bornflakes are completely saturated with molten poop. Fuck.

And to the Astros THE ASSTROS!!! Damn it.

[The Ghost of Desipio Past]

Oh Wandy

Well you came and you shut down the Cubbies
for all of eight innings, oh Wandy
well you owned every-one but The Riot
And maybe D-Lee, oh Wandy

[Taylor]

Last night's loss falls on the shoulders of Dick Hill. He gives up a solo home run to Carlos Lee and then with bases loaded Dick doesn't take the bat off of his shoulder. He needed to throw a complete game shut out or get some RBI last night to win it and he didn't do either. The rest of the team has got to be very disappointed in Dick's poor performance.

[Internet Apex]

Last night's loss falls on the shoulders of Dick Hill. He gives up a solo home run to Carlos Lee and then with bases loaded Dick doesn't take the bat off of his shoulder. He needed to throw a complete game shut out or get some RBI last night to win it and he didn't do either. The rest of the team has got to be very disappointed in Dick's poor performance.

Are you kidding me? That was all Dusty's fault. Every bit of it.

[Slaky+]

Not to be Al Yellon but they're in this thing till the end.  Better get used to it.

I would have preferred they start kicking asses and taking names in August, like they did in '84 (day games my ass).  Instead, it looks like they're about to play down to the competition like they did in '03.  Both seasons ended similarly, but this team blew their chance at getting some early-August separation.  Didn't happen cuz their rotation is barely average.  Thank God that these are down times for the NL. 

In any event, sloppy baseball or not, it's still better than them being done by now.  It's easier to read about the Bears knowing that they're gonna be awesome yet still on the backburner rather than have to absorb reports out of Bourbannais like they were drops of water in the desert.

I've got Bears and Bills training camp stories (for example, see today's online version of www.chicagosports.com's Keeping Up With...series) ready to keep me busy, but the Brewers won't let the Cubs die. Even if they are a minor league team right now with two good hitters and two good starting pitchers, they're in it til the end.