"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[Internet Apex]

Yes, you are all right.  The reason for the Cubs' recent poor play is Matt Murton's .286 average and .375 OBP since returning from Iowa.

He's 4-14 with 2 RBI and 7 Ks. WOW!

His mere presence is a drag on the entire team. He's depressing. He reeks of failure. Deal with it.

If you're going to post more often than anyone else on the board, you should find some new material.

I post on plenty of different subjects and use lots of different kinds of humor . All of it seems to annoy the piss out of you, which isn't a bad thing at all. Because apparently to impress somebody like you I'd need to audition for teh role of assistant to the GM of the Cubs every day and by cruncingh all kinds of semi-worthless numbers that show that a shitty ballplayer isn't as shitty as the whole world and God Almighty seems to believe. That's not me, of course. So fuck it.

[The Ghost of Desipio Past]

Yes, you are all right.  The reason for the Cubs' recent poor play is Matt Murton's .286 average and .375 OBP since returning from Iowa.

He's 4-14 with 2 RBI and 7 Ks. WOW!

His mere presence is a drag on the entire team. He's depressing. He reeks of failure. Deal with it.

If you're going to post more often than anyone else on the board, you should find some new material.

You should show more respect to the top poster around here.

Attack the poster, not the post!

[Al Yellon]

Yes, you are all right.  The reason for the Cubs' recent poor play is Matt Murton's .286 average and .375 OBP since returning from Iowa.

He's 4-14 with 2 RBI and 7 Ks. WOW!

His mere presence is a drag on the entire team. He's depressing. He reeks of failure. Deal with it.

If you're going to post more often than anyone else on the board, you should find some new material.

You should show more respect to the top poster around here.

Siggin' dis.

[Internet Apex]

Yes, you are all right.  The reason for the Cubs' recent poor play is Matt Murton's .286 average and .375 OBP since returning from Iowa.

He's 4-14 with 2 RBI and 7 Ks. WOW!

His mere presence is a drag on the entire team. He's depressing. He reeks of failure. Deal with it.

If you're going to post more often than anyone else on the board, you should find some new material.

I post on plenty of different subjects and use lots of different kinds of humor . All of it seems to annoy the piss out of you, which isn't a bad thing at all. Because apparently to impress somebody like you I'd need to audition for teh role of assistant to the GM of the Cubs every day and by cruncingh all kinds of semi-worthless numbers that show that a shitty ballplayer isn't as shitty as the whole world and God Almighty seems to believe. That's not me, of course. So f@#$ it.

Oh, shit. I see what you did.

Crap.

[Simmer]

Blah blah Cubs suck we <3 Da Bears blah blah

Same ol' same ol'!

I heartily suggest shopping in the non-shit-in cereal aisle of your local grocer's.  The cereal that hasn't been shit in.  Another tip -- when you get home with your box of cereal, fight the urge to shit in it.  You can do it.  You are a big boy now!

[Internet Apex]

Blah blah Cubs suck we <3 Da Bears blah blah

Same ol' same ol'!

I heartily suggest shopping in the non-shit-in cereal aisle of your local grocer's.  The cereal that hasn't been shit in.  Another tip -- when you get home with your box of cereal, fight the urge to shit in it.  You can do it.  You are a big boy now!

All cereal has poop in it. It's science. You can deny it all you want, but you eat poop and enjoy it too. Yilch.

[Simmer]

Blah blah Cubs suck we <3 Da Bears blah blah

Same ol' same ol'!

I heartily suggest shopping in the non-shit-in cereal aisle of your local grocer's.  The cereal that hasn't been shit in.  Another tip -- when you get home with your box of cereal, fight the urge to shit in it.  You can do it.  You are a big boy now!

All cereal has poop in it. It's science. You can deny it all you want, but you eat poop and enjoy it too. Yilch.

I take advantage of this mechanism, though!  I use the poop factor that cereal brings and implement it into my workout regimen.  I did mention my Pex's Pecs in the Gamecast yesterday, you can thank poopy Cheerios for that.  All that wholesome grain-based fiber bran -- the health benefits really go without saying. 

What I don't do, however, is use the poopy cereal as an excuse to dump on a quasi-shitty baseball team in August (AUGUST!) while sporting a meaty half-chub over some lame ass "pro" football team in August (AUGUST!!!). 

You say we all eat poop and enjoy it?  You don't seem to be enjoying it, though.  I call bullshit.  Or bornshit.  Or whatever cute mispelling you wish to apply.  Crapflakes.

[Internet Apex]

Blah blah Cubs suck we <3 Da Bears blah blah

Same ol' same ol'!

I heartily suggest shopping in the non-shit-in cereal aisle of your local grocer's.  The cereal that hasn't been shit in.  Another tip -- when you get home with your box of cereal, fight the urge to shit in it.  You can do it.  You are a big boy now!

All cereal has poop in it. It's science. You can deny it all you want, but you eat poop and enjoy it too. Yilch.

I take advantage of this mechanism, though!  I use the poop factor that cereal brings and implement it into my workout regimen.  I did mention my Pex's Pecs in the Gamecast yesterday, you can thank poopy Cheerios for that.  All that wholesome grain-based fiber bran -- the health benefits really go without saying. 

What I don't do, however, is use the poopy cereal as an excuse to dump on a quasi-shitty baseball team in August (AUGUST!) while sporting a meaty half-chub over some lame ass "pro" football team in August (AUGUST!!!). 

You say we all eat poop and enjoy it?  You don't seem to be enjoying it, though.  I call bullshit.  Or bornshit.  Or whatever cute mispelling you wish to apply.  Crapflakes.

Christ had AIDS. I'm not dumping the Cubs. I'm dumping on the Cubs. Since when did doing so in the midst of a 4 of 5 losing funk make me teh Ivy Chatter. Once upon a time, say, I dunno, June of '07, one would be called teh Yellon for not dumping on a team that just got PWNED by Wandy Rodriguez's dead ass. Son of a bitch! It's not like I don't want them to win. They just haven't much for about a week. And to fix the situation they claimed they'll find more at bats for he whom I must no longer mention so as not to tax everyone's long-exhausted patience. And maybe, just maybe if we're really, really lucky, they'll find a spot start for Sean Gallagher soon. If that's not worth a curse word, then I don't know what messageboard I'm on anymore. I think all the four letter you guys are readin' has gone to your nads. Now sack up and hate with me! HATE!!! That's the only cure for this shit. That or a bowl of ice cream with poop on top.

[Simmer]

Blah blah Cubs suck we <3 Da Bears blah blah

Same ol' same ol'!

I heartily suggest shopping in the non-shit-in cereal aisle of your local grocer's.  The cereal that hasn't been shit in.  Another tip -- when you get home with your box of cereal, fight the urge to shit in it.  You can do it.  You are a big boy now!

All cereal has poop in it. It's science. You can deny it all you want, but you eat poop and enjoy it too. Yilch.

I take advantage of this mechanism, though!  I use the poop factor that cereal brings and implement it into my workout regimen.  I did mention my Pex's Pecs in the Gamecast yesterday, you can thank poopy Cheerios for that.  All that wholesome grain-based fiber bran -- the health benefits really go without saying. 

What I don't do, however, is use the poopy cereal as an excuse to dump on a quasi-shitty baseball team in August (AUGUST!) while sporting a meaty half-chub over some lame ass "pro" football team in August (AUGUST!!!). 

You say we all eat poop and enjoy it?  You don't seem to be enjoying it, though.  I call bullshit.  Or bornshit.  Or whatever cute mispelling you wish to apply.  Crapflakes.

Christ had AIDS. I'm not dumping the Cubs. I'm dumping on the Cubs. Since when did doing so in the midst of a 4 of 5 losing funk make me teh Ivy Chatter. Once upon a time, say, I dunno, June of '07, one would be called teh Yellon for not dumping on a team that just got PWNED by Wandy Rodriguez's dead ass. Son of a bitch! It's not like I don't want them to win. They just haven't much for about a week. And to fix the situation they claimed they'll find more at bats for he whom I must no longer mention so as not to tax everyone's long-exhausted patience. And maybe, just maybe if we're really, really lucky, they'll find a spot start for Sean Gallagher soon. If that's not worth a curse word, then I don't know what messageboard I'm on anymore. I think all the four letter you guys are readin' has gone to your nads. Now sack up and hate with me! HATE!!! That's the only cure for this shit. That or a bowl of ice cream with poop on top.

I'm calling this now -- when we hug, the results are going to be like grilled cheese. 

Plus, don't you dare chalk me up as one of those NSBB-readers, I'm firmly with you on that one, leather!

[Slaky+]

Grilled cheese with tomato soup.

[Internet Apex]

Oh, those Brewers! They can't help it if they have 17 left feet and a prong like a fire hose. They've made an artform out of stepping on their dick. And they sure know how to take the sting out of another rancid Cub loss. God love 'em.

Milwaukee
                             IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA 
C. Capuano (L, 5-9) 5.0 7 4 4 3 3 1 4.96 
C. Villanueva (BS, 2) 1.0 2 1 1 1 0 0 4.14 
S. Linebrink  1.0 1 1 1 1 0 1 3.60 
B. Shouse  0.0 1 2 1 1 0 0 2.14 
C. Spurling  0.2 2 3 0 0 1 1 4.50 
M. Wise  0.1 2 0 0 1 0 0 3.40

[Taylor]

Oh, those Brewers! They can't help it if they have 17 left feet and a prong like a fire hose. They've made an artform out of stepping on their dick. And they sure know how to take the sting out of another rancid Cub loss. God love 'em.

Milwaukee
                             IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA 
C. Capuano (L, 5-9) 5.0 7 4 4 3 3 1 4.96 
C. Villanueva (BS, 2) 1.0 2 1 1 1 0 0 4.14 
S. Linebrink  1.0 1 1 1 1 0 1 3.60 
B. Shouse  0.0 1 2 1 1 0 0 2.14 
C. Spurling  0.2 2 3 0 0 1 1 4.50 
M. Wise  0.1 2 0 0 1 0 0 3.40

I was following the Brewers' game after the Cubs' disaster ended. The Brewers are really getting good at those late inning meltdowns.

[The Ghost of Desipio Past]

Oh, those Brewers! They can't help it if they have 17 left feet and a prong like a fire hose. They've made an artform out of stepping on their dick. And they sure know how to take the sting out of another rancid Cub loss. God love 'em.

Milwaukee
                             IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA 
C. Capuano (L, 5-9) 5.0 7 4 4 3 3 1 4.96 
C. Villanueva (BS, 2) 1.0 2 1 1 1 0 0 4.14 
S. Linebrink  1.0 1 1 1 1 0 1 3.60 
B. Shouse  0.0 1 2 1 1 0 0 2.14 
C. Spurling  0.2 2 3 0 0 1 1 4.50 
M. Wise  0.1 2 0 0 1 0 0 3.40

I was following the Brewers' game after the Cubs' disaster ended. The Brewers are really getting good at those late inning meltdowns.

Just imagine how good they'll get at it with 100 years of futility under their belt.

[Internet Apex]

Oh, those Brewers! They can't help it if they have 17 left feet and a prong like a fire hose. They've made an artform out of stepping on their dick. And they sure know how to take the sting out of another rancid Cub loss. God love 'em.

Milwaukee
                             IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA 
C. Capuano (L, 5-9) 5.0 7 4 4 3 3 1 4.96 
C. Villanueva (BS, 2) 1.0 2 1 1 1 0 0 4.14 
S. Linebrink  1.0 1 1 1 1 0 1 3.60 
B. Shouse  0.0 1 2 1 1 0 0 2.14 
C. Spurling  0.2 2 3 0 0 1 1 4.50 
M. Wise  0.1 2 0 0 1 0 0 3.40

I was following the Brewers' game after the Cubs' disaster ended. The Brewers are really getting good at those late inning meltdowns.

Just imagine how good they'll get at it with 100 years of futility under their belt.

I was pretty worried when Fat Prince hit that game-winning dong Saturday night that they'd finally found their testicles, at least for home games again. But they're all kinds of suck. You almost know that they're going to shit the bed when that bullpen gets in there. Gallardo's the only competent pitcher they have left.

[Kwyjibo]

Oh, those Brewers! They can't help it if they have 17 left feet and a prong like a fire hose. They've made an artform out of stepping on their dick. And they sure know how to take the sting out of another rancid Cub loss. God love 'em.

Milwaukee
                             IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA 
C. Capuano (L, 5-9) 5.0 7 4 4 3 3 1 4.96 
C. Villanueva (BS, 2) 1.0 2 1 1 1 0 0 4.14 
S. Linebrink  1.0 1 1 1 1 0 1 3.60 
B. Shouse  0.0 1 2 1 1 0 0 2.14 
C. Spurling  0.2 2 3 0 0 1 1 4.50 
M. Wise  0.1 2 0 0 1 0 0 3.40

I was following the Brewers' game after the Cubs' disaster ended. The Brewers are really getting good at those late inning meltdowns.

Just imagine how good they'll get at it with 100 years of futility under their belt.

They've still got more goddamn pennants than the Cubs do in the last 45 years.