"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[Al Yellon]

Everyone get off the ledge.  Leave BC on his own out there.  The Cubs will be fine.  Tonight they face some turd named Phil Dumatrait, who is letting people hit .395 off him this year.  And we've got Ted Lilly going.  He's going to murder the Reds.  8-1 Cubs win.

There's a little known law that the Cubs' ERA against a given pitcher is equal to the inverse of that pitcher's BAA in games prior to facing the Cubs.

1 / .395 = 2.53164557

That's why we make bush league pitchers look like the mutant lovechildren of Spahn and Koufax.

[EG]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my car for work yesterday morning.

[Kermit]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my car for work yesterday morning.

That's not funny.  That's almost Hancock-tragic.

[Kwyjibo]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my carrrrrrrrrrrr for work yesterday morning.

Pirated.

[EG]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my carrrrrrrrrrrr-nay for work yesterday morning.

Pirated.

Fork'd.

[JS]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my car for work yesterday morning.

That's not funny.  That's almost Hancock-tragic.

Something like that would put everything in perspective.

[Slaky+]

I'll admit a little of that July fight was evident last night. I was certain that it was over at 2-0 and 100% positive it was over at 4-0. But they definitely didn't give up. Maybe it's a good sign. I'm not really getting my hopes up.

Football is a nice distraction right now.

Some combination of Z (for continuing to give up a run here and a run there every time the Cubs cut into the deficit) and Lou (for leaving him out there to do it) did a lot of the damage last night. Along with a total inability to get anyone on base against Aaron Harang ahead of the home runs.

Which is why I'm starting the Reginald Manson for #2 hitter parade. It's only slightly less gay than the gay parade. There will be a lot less people at it though.

[Internet Apex]

Reginald Manson

Hell. Motherphuckin. Yeah.

[GreatWhiteHope7]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my car for work yesterday morning.

That's not funny.  That's almost Hancock-tragic.

Something like that would put everything in perspective.

Until everyone realized you were drunk and due to said drunkenness thought it would be a good idea to stare into a cannon.

[Lance Dicksons Arm]

I'll admit a little of that July fight was evident last night. I was certain that it was over at 2-0 and 100% positive it was over at 4-0. But they definitely didn't give up. Maybe it's a good sign. I'm not really getting my hopes up.

Football is a nice distraction right now.

Some combination of Z (for continuing to give up a run here and a run there every time the Cubs cut into the deficit) and Lou (for leaving him out there to do it) did a lot of the damage last night. Along with a total inability to get anyone on base against Aaron Harang ahead of the home runs.

Which is why I'm starting the Reginald Manson for #2 hitter parade. It's only slightly less gay than the gay parade. There will be a lot less people at it though.

Will there be condoms tossed at those at the parade?  That's what people really want to know.

[Al Yellon]

EG, I'll proudly pick up that positive flag if your head gets taken off by a cannonball.

Thanks.  Funny thing is, I live near some pirates and that nearly happened as I was getting in my car for work yesterday morning.

That's not funny.  That's almost Hancock-tragic.

Something like that would put everything in perspective.

Until everyone realized you were drunk and due to said drunkenness thought it would be a good idea to stare into a cannon.

And then they'd really lose all sympathy when they noticed that it wasn't a cannon at all, but a cement mixer.

[Slaky+]

I'll admit a little of that July fight was evident last night. I was certain that it was over at 2-0 and 100% positive it was over at 4-0. But they definitely didn't give up. Maybe it's a good sign. I'm not really getting my hopes up.

Football is a nice distraction right now.

Some combination of Z (for continuing to give up a run here and a run there every time the Cubs cut into the deficit) and Lou (for leaving him out there to do it) did a lot of the damage last night. Along with a total inability to get anyone on base against Aaron Harang ahead of the home runs.

Which is why I'm starting the Reginald Manson for #2 hitter parade. It's only slightly less gay than the gay parade. There will be a lot less people at it though.

Will there be condoms tossed at those at the parade?  That's what people really want to know.

Reginald Manson uses dick skin condoms.

[Taylor]

I'll admit a little of that July fight was evident last night. I was certain that it was over at 2-0 and 100% positive it was over at 4-0. But they definitely didn't give up. Maybe it's a good sign. I'm not really getting my hopes up.

Football is a nice distraction right now.

Some combination of Z (for continuing to give up a run here and a run there every time the Cubs cut into the deficit) and Lou (for leaving him out there to do it) did a lot of the damage last night. Along with a total inability to get anyone on base against Aaron Harang ahead of the home runs.

Which is why I'm starting the Reginald Manson for #2 hitter parade. It's only slightly less gay than the gay parade. There will be a lot less people at it though.

There will be after Manson gets through with them.

[Corn-fed]

I'll admit a little of that July fight was evident last night. I was certain that it was over at 2-0 and 100% positive it was over at 4-0. But they definitely didn't give up. Maybe it's a good sign. I'm not really getting my hopes up.

Football is a nice distraction right now.

Some combination of Z (for continuing to give up a run here and a run there every time the Cubs cut into the deficit) and Lou (for leaving him out there to do it) did a lot of the damage last night. Along with a total inability to get anyone on base against Aaron Harang ahead of the home runs.

Which is why I'm starting the Reginald Manson for #2 hitter parade. It's only slightly less gay than the gay parade. There will be a lot less people at it though.

Will there be condoms tossed at those at the parade?  That's what people really want to know.

Reginald Manson uses dick skin condoms.

He keeps them in his foreskin wallet.

[Chuckosan]

He keeps them in his foreskin wallet.

AH, but when he rubs the wallet, it turns into a suitcase.