"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[LoneStarCubFan]

Wait, Jason Kendall's a Brewer? The state that gave us Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer now houses Jason Kendell? When the fuck did this happen?

[Taylor]

Wait, Jason Kendall's a Brewer? The state that gave us Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer now houses Jason Kendell? When the fuck did this happen?

The Brewers signed Manson in November.

Newly acquired catcher Jason Kendall caught reliever Derrick Turnbow in Saturday's workout, the first day pitchers threw to batters and actually did a little more than just spot fastballs, and gave a glowing review to manager Ned Yost and the media.

"The ball explodes out of his hand," Kendall said Sunday morning. "He threw the ball real well. He hit his spots and he's fun to catch. I was very impressed."

Yost said some of Turnbow's problems last season were caused by him rushing his delivery and not making the adjustments to correct the faulty mechanics. Turnbow would sometimes rush his delivery, leaving his arm dragging behind and never finding his release point. The results were high, flat pitches.

"It's all about getting to that release point," Yost said. "If he slows down during those periods and makes his adjustments, he's going to be lights out."

[Kwyjibo]

Wait, Jason Kendall's a Brewer? The state that gave us Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer now houses Jason Kendell? When the fuck did this happen?

The Brewers signed Manson in November.

Newly acquired catcher Jason Kendall caught reliever Derrick Turnbow in Saturday's workout, the first day pitchers threw to batters and actually did a little more than just spot fastballs, and gave a glowing review to manager Ned Yost and the media.

"The ball explodes out of his hand," Kendall said Sunday morning. "He threw the ball real well. He hit his spots and he's fun to catch. I was very impressed."

Yost said some of Turnbow's problems last season were caused by him rushing his delivery and not making the adjustments to correct the faulty mechanics. Turnbow would sometimes rush his delivery, leaving his arm dragging behind and never finding his release point. The results were high, flat pitches.

"It's all about getting to that release point," Yost said. "If he slows down during those periods and makes his adjustments, he's going to be lights out."

"Fun to catch" = "no movement on his pitches"

[Waco Kid]

http://blogs.jsonline.com/brewers/archive/2008/02/23/kendall-hitting-ninth-possibly.aspx

Manager Ned Yost has said for a week that he has a brain-full of ideas when it comes to his batting order, but it is way too early to commit to any one of them.

But one of the most interesting of possible orders would have Ryan Braun batting second, a pitcher batting eighth and catcher Jason Kendall batting ninth. This idea isn't set yet, and it may not ever be used. It is just one of a flurry of ideas whizzing around inside the skipper's head. St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa has done this some during the last few seasons.

Yost's reasoning is that he wants Braun to have more plate apperances, but still be able to have guys on in front of him. So with Kendall's ability to see pitches and get on base, it would essentially translate to Braun still batting third while racking up about 40 more plate appearances, as stats show. In this lineup, Prince Fielder would bat third in the order, but it would be like having him in the clean-up slot.

"Common sense tells me you want your best hitters to have the most at-bats," Yost said.

For a more detailed explanation of the theory, check out our spring training notebook in tomorrow's JS.

Just keep following that common sense of yours Ned. I hope it tells you to use Turd Throw a lot this year.

Not to be outdone by Dusty Baker, Ned Yost begins his campaign for the Central's Stupidest Manager of 2008.

[Taylor]

His advanced years are being to show.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsqwJTWVgJ22pLcw1sf6ZAwRvLYF?slug=jp-springpujols022608&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

JUPITER, Fla. â€" Albert Pujols walks into the St. Louis Cardinals’ clubhouse with Ace bandages wrapped around nearly his entire torso, pecs to pelvis. He eases into a seat and spoons yogurt into his mouth. He uses his hands to help him stand and meanders over to his locker, where trainer Barry Weinberg awaits. It’s 8:03 a.m.

Pujols should give Weinberg a promise ring, if not a full-blown platinum band, for all the time they spend together. Plantar fasciitis, lingering hamstring trouble, a strained ligament in his throwing elbow â€" Pujols, at 28 years old, is a walking cornucopia of injuries and ailments, and Tuesday, not even two weeks into spring training, he complained to Weinberg of general discomfort.

“Take it light,” Weinberg said. “I want you to stay the course.”

“I was sore,” Pujols said. “I won’t do that again.”

At the bottom of this page are 2 photos of Osama bin Pujols taking batting practice.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/6619

[EG]

"The ball explodes out of his hand," Kendall said Sunday morning. "He threw the ball real well. He hit his spots and he's fun to catch. I was very impressed. I'm going to invite him back to my house later and cut him up into little pieces and wear his dick around my neck as a pendant."

Gein/Kendall'd

[Slaky+]

His advanced years are being to show.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsqwJTWVgJ22pLcw1sf6ZAwRvLYF?slug=jp-springpujols022608&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

JUPITER, Fla. â€" Albert Pujols walks into the St. Louis Cardinals’ clubhouse with Ace bandages wrapped around nearly his entire torso, pecs to pelvis. He eases into a seat and spoons yogurt into his mouth. He uses his hands to help him stand and meanders over to his locker, where trainer Barry Weinberg awaits. It’s 8:03 a.m.

Pujols should give Weinberg a promise ring, if not a full-blown platinum band, for all the time they spend together. Plantar fasciitis, lingering hamstring trouble, a strained ligament in his throwing elbow â€" Pujols, at 28 years old, is a walking cornucopia of injuries and ailments, and Tuesday, not even two weeks into spring training, he complained to Weinberg of general discomfort.

“Take it light,” Weinberg said. “I want you to stay the course.”

“I was sore,” Pujols said. “I won’t do that again.”

At the bottom of this page are 2 photos of Osama bin Pujols taking batting practice.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/6619

Next up, a story on Albert's eating habits. We'll be at the Old Country Buffet around 4:30 to see him lumber into America's favorite eatery. Albert just loves the sundae bar.

[Kwyjibo]

His advanced years are being to show.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsqwJTWVgJ22pLcw1sf6ZAwRvLYF?slug=jp-springpujols022608&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

JUPITER, Fla. â€" Albert Pujols walks into the St. Louis Cardinals’ clubhouse with Ace bandages wrapped around nearly his entire torso, pecs to pelvis. He eases into a seat and spoons yogurt into his mouth. He uses his hands to help him stand and meanders over to his locker, where trainer Barry Weinberg awaits. It’s 8:03 a.m.

Pujols should give Weinberg a promise ring, if not a full-blown platinum band, for all the time they spend together. Plantar fasciitis, lingering hamstring trouble, a strained ligament in his throwing elbow â€" Pujols, at 28 years old, is a walking cornucopia of injuries and ailments, and Tuesday, not even two weeks into spring training, he complained to Weinberg of general discomfort.

“Take it light,” Weinberg said. “I want you to stay the course.”

“I was sore,” Pujols said. “I won’t do that again.”

At the bottom of this page are 2 photos of Osama bin Pujols taking batting practice.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/6619

Next up, a story on Albert's eating habits. We'll be at the Old Country Buffet around 4:30 to see him lumber into America's favorite eatery. Albert just loves the sundae bar.

Hendry has to be out of there before 4:25, to avoid tampering charges.

[Waco Kid]

His advanced years are being to show.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsqwJTWVgJ22pLcw1sf6ZAwRvLYF?slug=jp-springpujols022608&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

JUPITER, Fla. â€" Albert Pujols walks into the St. Louis Cardinals’ clubhouse with Ace bandages wrapped around nearly his entire torso, pecs to pelvis. He eases into a seat and spoons yogurt into his mouth. He uses his hands to help him stand and meanders over to his locker, where trainer Barry Weinberg awaits. It’s 8:03 a.m.

Pujols should give Weinberg a promise ring, if not a full-blown platinum band, for all the time they spend together. Plantar fasciitis, lingering hamstring trouble, a strained ligament in his throwing elbow â€" Pujols, at 28 years old, is a walking cornucopia of injuries and ailments, and Tuesday, not even two weeks into spring training, he complained to Weinberg of general discomfort.

“Take it light,” Weinberg said. “I want you to stay the course.”

“I was sore,” Pujols said. “I won’t do that again.”

At the bottom of this page are 2 photos of Osama bin Pujols taking batting practice.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/6619

Next up, a story on Albert's eating habits. We'll be at the Old Country Buffet around 4:30 to see him lumber into America's favorite eatery. Albert just loves the sundae bar.

Hendry has to be out of there before 4:25, to avoid tampering charges.

It's got to be sooner than that, I'm sure it takes longer than five miuntes to restock an entire buffet.

[EG]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsqwJTWVgJ22pLcw1sf6ZAwRvLYF?slug=jp-springpujols022608&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

JUPITER, Fla. â€" Albert Pujols walks into the St. Louis Cardinals’ clubhouse with Ace bandages wrapped around nearly his entire torso, pecs to pelvis. He eases into a seat and spoons yogurt into his mouth. He uses his hands to help him stand and meanders over to his locker, where trainer Barry Weinberg awaits. It’s 8:03 a.m.

In addition to the weird note about him spooning yogurt into his mouth, that article has the worst headline I've seen in a while:

Pujols flicks away pain like a hanging curve

Yuck.

[Kwyjibo]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AsqwJTWVgJ22pLcw1sf6ZAwRvLYF?slug=jp-springpujols022608&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

JUPITER, Fla. â€" Albert Pujols walks into the St. Louis Cardinals’ clubhouse with Ace bandages wrapped around nearly his entire torso, pecs to pelvis. He eases into a seat and spoons yogurt into his mouth. He uses his hands to help him stand and meanders over to his locker, where trainer Barry Weinberg awaits. It’s 8:03 a.m.

In addition to the weird note about him spooning yogurt into his mouth, that article has the worst headline I've seen in a while:

Pujols flicks away pain like a hanging curve

Yuck.

the yogurt thing is wierd, since it was pudding.

[Andy]

I'm just glad they didn't describe how he laid back on a bench, dumped a load of yogurt on his chest and moaned, "I miss Edmonds!"

I love that people still pretend his 28.  It's so cute.

[Slaky+]

I'm just glad they didn't describe how he laid back on a bench, dumped a load of yogurt on his chest and moaned, "I miss Edmonds!"

Wow. That's a gold star.

[Kermit]

I'm just glad they didn't describe how he laid back on a bench, dumped a load of yogurt on his chest and moaned, "I miss Edmonds!"

Wow. That's a gold star.

Yeah, I shot water out of my nose on that one.

[Waco Kid]

I'm just glad they didn't describe how he laid back on a bench, dumped a load of yogurt on his chest and moaned, "I miss Edmonds!"

Wow. That's a gold star.

Yeah, I shot water out of my nose on that one.

Thirded. That's simply outstanding.