"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[Slaky+]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun without even a hint of cockiness.

[Tonker]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun, without even a hint of cockiness.

Fuck him, I hope his arms fall off'd.

[Al Yellon]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun without even a hint of cockiness.

Well, simply from a logistics standpoint, it's really freaking difficult to pitch around Prince Fielder in the first place. He's really fat.

[Oleg]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun without even a hint of cockiness.

Man, Braun's gotta have some long arms for that reach-around.

[Taylor2]

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/cardinals/story/ACFA084AAA7A730B8625740B006B79E6?OpenDocument

JUPITER, Fla. -- The Cardinals moved to address their question-filled starting rotation Thursday by reaching agreement with free agent righthander Kyle Lohse on a one-year, $4.25 million contract, pending Lohse passing a team physical Friday.

The Cardinals have virtually ruled out Matt Clement’s availability for opening day, and Mark Mulder and Chris Carpenter continue to rehab from shoulder and elbow surgery, respectively.

"If it were a perfect world, we wouldn't have had to go down this path," Mozeliak told the Associated Press. "But it's not and we're going to need someone to pitch every fifth day.

"At some point, we may be dealing with a strength instead of a weakness."

[Internet Apex]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun without even a hint of cockiness.

Well, simply from a logistics standpoint, it's really freaking difficult to pitch around Prince Fielder in the first place. He's really fat.

The last time ChuckDickens created an avatar even half as cool as this concoction, it swallowed up this entire place. I think the end of the internet may be nigh, Gil Hodges. Or at least a significant portion of it, something we should be concerned about.

[PTanner]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun without even a hint of cockiness.

Well, simply from a logistics standpoint, it's really freaking difficult to pitch around Prince Fielder in the first place. He's really fat.

The last time ChuckDickens created an avatar even half as cool as this concoction, it swallowed up this entire place. I think the end of the internet may be nigh, Gil Hodges. Or at least a significant portion of it, something we should be concerned about.

Everyone blames Ratto, but I'm not sure Jebus wasn't pissed off at the "Paul Died For Your Sins" one.

[Al Yellon]

"They're not gonna pitch around Prince too long with me behind him," said Braun without even a hint of cockiness.

Well, simply from a logistics standpoint, it's really freaking difficult to pitch around Prince Fielder in the first place. He's really fat.

The last time ChuckDickens created an avatar even half as cool as this concoction, it swallowed up this entire place. I think the end of the internet may be nigh, Gil Hodges. Or at least a significant portion of it, something we should be concerned about.

I was perfectly content with Ted, but then the avatar sizes increased and it looked all wonky. Godspeed, Desipio, and I hope you're happy with yourself. You surely forced my hand this time, you cold-hearted bastard.

[Dave B]

You sure have to hand it to Jeff "Gordo" Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. He is one optimistic homer sportswriter:

"But signing Lohse to a one-year deal was a great move. He will give manager Tony La Russa and Dave Duncan one solid option as they piece together a rotation.

Once Lohse works himself into pitching shape, he will provide a better option than fill-ins Todd Wellemeyer, Anthony Reyes and Brad Thompson.

Imagine this: If everything falls right, the Cards could feature a second-half rotation of Adam Wainwright, Lohse, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter. Imagine that group with Braden Looper, Pineiro and Thompson in middle relief.

Getting there from here, of course, will be the tricky part. Wellemeyer, Reyes and Thompson could still hold the key to April. Physically, they should be ready for Opening Day.

Emotionally, they should be excited about their early opportunity. As Lohse, Pineiro, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter get ready, the competition will intensify.

This is great news for the Cards. They will have more starting pitching depth. They will have more protection.

They will not have to rush recovering pitchers back into action. They will be able to groom their young pitchers at the proper pace.

The Cards could even accumulate some trade chips as the season progresses. Mozeliak’s patient approach paid off; during an offseason featuring wholesale panic by his peers, he remained patient and made a value signing.

Lohse became the poster boy for the thin, overpriced 2008 free agent pitching market. Try as he might, agent Scott Boras couldn’t get him huge long-term money.

Sure, Lohse has ability. But he was 9-12 with a 4.62 earned-run average for the Reds and Phillies last season. Those were not break-the-bank statistics.

So Lohse needs the Cards as much as the Cards need him. This team offers a pitching-friendly environment -â€" more so than the Orioles, one of his few other options this spring -â€" and the chance to win games.

Kyle gets his chance to get back in shape, rack up some victories and bolster his marketability. If he can win 12 to 15 games here, he could certainly command $11 million or $12 million year in a long-term deal.

That is the going rate for competent veteran pitching. The money would be there for him. The Cards will help him get that dough.

In return, the Cards get quality near-term help. Lohse may need a few extra weeks to get game-ready, but he should be able to help this team before the end of April."

[Mike Douche]

This is great news for the Cards.

Yessir, folks.  You heard it there first.  The Kyle Lohse signing is "great news" for the Cards.

Holy cow.  This guy makes Dana Perino's job look easy.

[EG]

Imagine this: If everything falls right, the Cards could feature a second-half rotation of Adam Wainwright, Lohse, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter.

I'm imagining.  And even in this hypothetical, imagined situation that only occurs if everything fall right, I am unimpressed.

Imagine that group with Braden Looper, Pineiro and Thompson in middle relief.

Respective ERAs last year: 4.94, 4.33, 4.73.  Shit-tastic.

Imagine: Mediocrity. 

[Waco Kid]

You sure have to hand it to Jeff "Gordo" Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. He is one optimistic homer sportswriter:

"But signing Lohse to a one-year deal was a great move. He will give manager Tony La Russa and Dave Duncan one solid option as they piece together a rotation.

Once Lohse works himself into pitching shape, he will provide a better option than fill-ins Todd Wellemeyer, Anthony Reyes and Brad Thompson.

Imagine this: If everything falls right, the Cards could feature a second-half rotation of Adam Wainwright, Lohse, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter. Imagine that group with Braden Looper, Pineiro and Thompson in middle relief.

Getting there from here, of course, will be the tricky part. Wellemeyer, Reyes and Thompson could still hold the key to April. Physically, they should be ready for Opening Day.

Emotionally, they should be excited about their early opportunity. As Lohse, Pineiro, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter get ready, the competition will intensify.

This is great news for the Cards. They will have more starting pitching depth. They will have more protection.

They will not have to rush recovering pitchers back into action. They will be able to groom their young pitchers at the proper pace.

The Cards could even accumulate some trade chips as the season progresses. Mozeliak’s patient approach paid off; during an offseason featuring wholesale panic by his peers, he remained patient and made a value signing.

Lohse became the poster boy for the thin, overpriced 2008 free agent pitching market. Try as he might, agent Scott Boras couldn’t get him huge long-term money.

Sure, Lohse has ability. But he was 9-12 with a 4.62 earned-run average for the Reds and Phillies last season. Those were not break-the-bank statistics.

So Lohse needs the Cards as much as the Cards need him. This team offers a pitching-friendly environment -â€" more so than the Orioles, one of his few other options this spring -â€" and the chance to win games.

Kyle gets his chance to get back in shape, rack up some victories and bolster his marketability. If he can win 12 to 15 games here, he could certainly command $11 million or $12 million year in a long-term deal.

That is the going rate for competent veteran pitching. The money would be there for him. The Cards will help him get that dough.

In return, the Cards get quality near-term help. Lohse may need a few extra weeks to get game-ready, but he should be able to help this team before the end of April."

Looks like Gordo visited the Cardinals clubhouse bar before writing this article.

[hammerman]

[Andy]

http://www.daytondailynews.com/o/content/shared-gen/blogs/dayton/cincinnatireds/entries/2008/03/19/taking_a_day_off.html

Reds' opening day lineup includes both Corey and Gabor.  Oh, this is too good to be true.

[Slaky+]

http://www.daytondailynews.com/o/content/shared-gen/blogs/dayton/cincinnatireds/entries/2008/03/19/taking_a_day_off.html

Reds' opening day lineup includes both Corey and Gabor.  Oh, this is too good to be true.

No Votto. Bruce in the minors.

This is just great.