"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[Waco Kid]

http://www.daytondailynews.com/o/content/shared-gen/blogs/dayton/cincinnatireds/entries/2008/03/19/taking_a_day_off.html

Reds' opening day lineup includes both Corey and Gabor.  Oh, this is too good to be true.

I fucking love Dusty Baker.

[PTanner]

http://www.daytondailynews.com/o/content/shared-gen/blogs/dayton/cincinnatireds/entries/2008/03/19/taking_a_day_off.html

Reds' opening day lineup includes both Corey and Gabor.  Oh, this is too good to be true.

No Votto. Bruce in the minors.

This is just great.

Dusty managing the Reds is better than Brazilian fart pR0n.

[Andy]

You sure have to hand it to Jeff "Gordo" Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. He is one optimistic homer sportswriter:

"But signing Lohse to a one-year deal was a great move. He will give manager Tony La Russa and Dave Duncan one solid option as they piece together a rotation.

Once Lohse works himself into pitching shape, he will provide a better option than fill-ins Todd Wellemeyer, Anthony Reyes and Brad Thompson.

Imagine this: If everything falls right, the Cards could feature a second-half rotation of Adam Wainwright, Lohse, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter. Imagine that group with Braden Looper, Pineiro and Thompson in middle relief.

Getting there from here, of course, will be the tricky part. Wellemeyer, Reyes and Thompson could still hold the key to April. Physically, they should be ready for Opening Day.

Emotionally, they should be excited about their early opportunity. As Lohse, Pineiro, Clement, Mulder and Carpenter get ready, the competition will intensify.

This is great news for the Cards. They will have more starting pitching depth. They will have more protection.

They will not have to rush recovering pitchers back into action. They will be able to groom their young pitchers at the proper pace.

The Cards could even accumulate some trade chips as the season progresses. Mozeliak’s patient approach paid off; during an offseason featuring wholesale panic by his peers, he remained patient and made a value signing.

Lohse became the poster boy for the thin, overpriced 2008 free agent pitching market. Try as he might, agent Scott Boras couldn’t get him huge long-term money.

Sure, Lohse has ability. But he was 9-12 with a 4.62 earned-run average for the Reds and Phillies last season. Those were not break-the-bank statistics.

So Lohse needs the Cards as much as the Cards need him. This team offers a pitching-friendly environment -â€" more so than the Orioles, one of his few other options this spring -â€" and the chance to win games.

Kyle gets his chance to get back in shape, rack up some victories and bolster his marketability. If he can win 12 to 15 games here, he could certainly command $11 million or $12 million year in a long-term deal.

That is the going rate for competent veteran pitching. The money would be there for him. The Cards will help him get that dough.

In return, the Cards get quality near-term help. Lohse may need a few extra weeks to get game-ready, but he should be able to help this team before the end of April."

Looks like Gordo visited the Cardinals clubhouse bar before writing this article.

The beer flows like...beer in the Cardinals clubhouse.  Mulder is DONE.  He took more time than they thought to come back last year and had nothing.  Nothing will have changed by June of this year, either.  Clement's probably toast, too, given his aversion to pain I'm sure he's rehabbing like a pussy, too.  Carpenter will be fine until his arm blows again, Lohse just blows.  Even when all those guys come back, it's still Wainright and a pile of poop.  Muahahahahahahahaha!

[Andy]

Oh, and Bruce to AAA is now official.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080320&content_id=2446821&vkey=spt2008news&fext;=.jsp&c_id=mlb

The road is clear for our man Corey.

[PTanner]

Oh, and Bruce to AAA is now official.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080320&content_id=2446821&vkey=spt2008news&fext;=.jsp&c_id=mlb

The road is clear for our man Corey.

If any Cub pitcher ever throws him a strike, I hope Piniella makes him do pushups in the infield.

[Dave B]

I winder if Corey will get heckled by the bleachers when he returns to Wrigley?

[Mike Douche]

I winder (sic) if Corey will get heckled by the bleachers when he returns to Wrigley?

He will but because the bleachers have slowly de-evolved from a drunken Algonquin Round Table to a bunch of unimaginative drunken cocksucking frat boy yuppies, it'll sure to be simply be a bunch of "you sucks" with maybe a few "fags" and "fucks' thrown in.

Hey they're paying 50 buck to sit 400 feet form home, who am I to complain?

Bleachers suck.

[Dave B]

From Crazy Rumor Guy:

"According to Jon Paul Morosi of the Detroit Free Press, the Tigers are targeting Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz.  He notes that the Cubs like Marcus Thames and Brandon Inge.  Thames' inability to play center and Inge's contract could be issues though, in my opinion. 

Wuertz, 29, is an underrated reliever with a nasty slider.  Given the state of Detroit's bullpen, he could see save chances if acquired. This was his first year of arbitration eligibility, and he settled at $860K.  Wuertz is pretty far down in the Cubs' bullpen pecking order, for some reason."

Thames: Maybe. Inge: Nah.

[Chuckosan]

Oh, and Bruce to AAA is now official.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080320&content_id=2446821&vkey=spt2008news&fext;=.jsp&c_id=mlb

The road is clear for our man Corey.

What kind of GMs enables their manager to make decisions like this?  Well, at least the Cubs now have a manager smarter than their GM.

[Mike Douche]

I had honestly forgotten all about Michael Wuertz. 

[Oleg]

From Crazy Rumor Guy:

"According to Jon Paul Morosi of the Detroit Free Press, the Tigers are targeting Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz.  He notes that the Cubs like Marcus Thames and Brandon Inge.  Thames' inability to play center and Inge's contract could be issues though, in my opinion. 

Wuertz, 29, is an underrated reliever with a nasty slider.  Given the state of Detroit's bullpen, he could see save chances if acquired. This was his first year of arbitration eligibility, and he settled at $860K.  Wuertz is pretty far down in the Cubs' bullpen pecking order, for some reason."

Thames: Maybe. Inge: Nah.

Really?  There are actually three reasons, perhaps four.  Wood, Howry, Marmol, and Hart.  If Wuertz is the fifth best guy in that pen, I'd say it's a strength.  Wuertz is good.

[PTanner]

From Crazy Rumor Guy:

"According to Jon Paul Morosi of the Detroit Free Press, the Tigers are targeting Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz.  He notes that the Cubs like Marcus Thames and Brandon Inge.  Thames' inability to play center and Inge's contract could be issues though, in my opinion. 

Wuertz, 29, is an underrated reliever with a nasty slider.  Given the state of Detroit's bullpen, he could see save chances if acquired. This was his first year of arbitration eligibility, and he settled at $860K.  Wuertz is pretty far down in the Cubs' bullpen pecking order, for some reason."

Thames: Maybe. Inge: Nah.

Really?  There are actually three reasons, perhaps four.  Wood, Howry, Marmol, and Hart.  If Wuertz is the fifth best guy in that pen, I'd say it's a strength.  Wuertz is good.

the Cubs' worst case scenario is they option Hart and have Wuertz as a long man. Not bad, as worst case scenarios go.

[The Ghost of Desipio Past]

From Crazy Rumor Guy:

"According to Jon Paul Morosi of the Detroit Free Press, the Tigers are targeting Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz.  He notes that the Cubs like Marcus Thames and Brandon Inge.  Thames' inability to play center and Inge's contract could be issues though, in my opinion. 

Wuertz, 29, is an underrated reliever with a nasty slider.  Given the state of Detroit's bullpen, he could see save chances if acquired. This was his first year of arbitration eligibility, and he settled at $860K.  Wuertz is pretty far down in the Cubs' bullpen pecking order, for some reason."

Thames: Maybe. Inge: Nah.

Really?  There are actually three reasons, perhaps four.  Wood, Howry, Marmol, and Hart.  If Wuertz is the fifth best guy in that pen, I'd say it's a strength.  Wuertz is good.

the Cubs' worst case scenario is they option Hart and have Wuertz as a long man. Not bad, as worst case scenarios go.

Hart was a starter until he was called up.  They could send him down to give him starters innings.  I'm perfectly comfortable with Wuertz getting his innings.

[butthead]

From Crazy Rumor Guy:

"According to Jon Paul Morosi of the Detroit Free Press, the Tigers are targeting Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz.  He notes that the Cubs like Marcus Thames and Brandon Inge.  Thames' inability to play center and Inge's contract could be issues though, in my opinion. 

Wuertz, 29, is an underrated reliever with a nasty slider.  Given the state of Detroit's bullpen, he could see save chances if acquired. This was his first year of arbitration eligibility, and he settled at $860K.  Wuertz is pretty far down in the Cubs' bullpen pecking order, for some reason."

Thames: Maybe. Inge: Nah.

Why would we want either of these guys?

I had honestly forgotten all about Michael Wuertz. 

I thought you remembered everything.

[Mike Douche]

From Crazy Rumor Guy:

"According to Jon Paul Morosi of the Detroit Free Press, the Tigers are targeting Cubs reliever Mike Wuertz.  He notes that the Cubs like Marcus Thames and Brandon Inge.  Thames' inability to play center and Inge's contract could be issues though, in my opinion. 

Wuertz, 29, is an underrated reliever with a nasty slider.  Given the state of Detroit's bullpen, he could see save chances if acquired. This was his first year of arbitration eligibility, and he settled at $860K.  Wuertz is pretty far down in the Cubs' bullpen pecking order, for some reason."

Thames: Maybe. Inge: Nah.

Why would we want either of these guys?

I had honestly forgotten all about Michael Wuertz. 

I thought you remembered everything.

I remember drinking with Dolan at Kitty O'Shea's at the 2005 Cubs Convention and seeing Wuertz get carded by the bartender, but somehow failed to remember he was still on this team.  I'm slipping, I guess.