"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[PTanner]

Hey, I went to the "tour" when they came through the Quad Cities and I still would like Cheryl Burke to squeeze my skull with her thighs, but it has lost some of its luster.

It was better in Chicago, when a Desipiot ruled the dance floor. And, yeah, going to see hot women in skimpy outfits while your wife thinks you're doing it for her is a championship move.

I'm sorry.  I cannot endorse men attending Dancing with the Stars tour events.   

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

[Lance Dicksons Arm]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Just personal taste, which is probably largely based on the fact that I lack any rhythm, and simply can't dance at all.

Way easier for me to sit in the gallery and make ghey jokes, Fork.   I like easy.

[Eli]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

[CT II]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

[Slaky+]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

[Eli]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.  I know, it doesn't make any sense.  How can KANSAS City be in Missouri

Anyway, there's like 2 million people here.

[Thrillho]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

But they'll be getting some newspaper bins any day now.

TEC knows what I'm talking about.

Change is on the march. Evolution, even.

[Waco Kid]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.  I know, it doesn't make any sense.  How can KANSAS City be in Missouri

Anyway, there's like 2 million people here.

Why do we pronounce Kansas as KANS-ASS and the Kansas in Arkansas as KAN-SAW?

[Thrillho]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.

Indeed it is.

Except when it isn't.

[Eli]

Indeed it is.

Except when it isn't.

You don't want to go to Kansas City, KS.

[Slaky+]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.

Indeed it is.

Except when it isn't.

Heh, Bonner Springs. YEAH it does.

[Thrillho]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.  I know, it doesn't make any sense.  How can KANSAS City be in Missouri

Anyway, there's like 2 million people here.

Why do we pronounce Kansas as KANS-ASS and the Kansas in Arkansas as KAN-SAW?

It's all politics.

No... seriously.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arkansas

The pronunciation of Arkansas (ar-kan-saw) was made official by an act of the state legislature in 1881 after a dispute between the two U.S. Senators from Arkansas. One wanted to pronounce the word ar-kan-sas and the other wanted ar-kan-saw.

From the footnotes:

In 1881, the Arkansas General Assembly passed the following concurrent resolution (Arkansas Statutes, Title 1, Chapter 4, Section 105):

Whereas, confusion of practice has arisen in the pronunciation of the name of our state and it is deemed important that the true pronunciation should be determined for use in oral official proceedings.

And, whereas, the matter has been thoroughly investigated by the State Historical Society and the Eclectic Society of Little Rock, which have agreed upon the correct pronunciation as derived from history, and the early usage of the American immigrants.

Be it therefore resolved by both houses of the General Assembly, that the only true pronunciation of the name of the state, in the opinion of this body, is that received by the French from the native Indians and committed to writing in the French word representing the sound. It should be pronounced in three (3) syllables, with the final "s" silent, the "a" in each syllable with the Italian sound, and the accent on the first and last syllables. The pronunciation with the accent on the second syllable with the sound of "a" in "man" and the sounding of the terminal "s" is an innovation to be discouraged.

[berkeleycubfan]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.

Indeed it is.

Except when it isn't.

Heh, Bonner Springs. YEAH it does.

I saw a great concert in Bonner Springs once - about 18 years ago.  Everyone was really fucked up, including me.  I don't remember much about it, but I heard it was a great show.

[PTanner]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.

Indeed it is.

Except when it isn't.

Heh, Bonner Springs. YEAH it does.

I saw a great concert in Bonner Springs once - about 18 years ago.  Everyone was really fucked up, including me.  I don't remember much about it, but I heard it was a great show.

John Tesh?

[Taylor2]

Sorry dude...doing the cha-cha in front of 11,000 people was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Really?  I always envisioned your life being much more interesting than that.

Hey, we can't all live in the big city like you, Eli.

They don't actually have cities in Kansas yet. (It's Kansas, right?)

Fun fact: Kansas City is in Missouri.

Indeed it is.

Except when it isn't.

Heh, Bonner Springs. YEAH it does.

I saw a great concert in Bonner Springs once - about 18 years ago.  Everyone was really fucked up, including me.  I don't remember much about it, but I heard it was a great show.

John Tesh?

He was partying with Tesh-heads? That must have been some show.