"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[Kermit, B.]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

I have told so many Sox fans that it's absurd to suggest that Thomas is clean.  He played football at Auburn in the 80s.  Please.

[MAD]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

I have told so many Sox fans that it's absurd to suggest that Thomas is clean.  He played football at Auburn in the 80s.  Please.

Nobody should be above suspicion, if you're going to get in to the conversation.

[Philberto]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

I have told so many Sox fans that it's absurd to suggest that Thomas is clean.  He played football at Auburn in the 80s.  Please.

Nobody should be above suspicion, if you're going to get in to the conversation.

A guy that looks like this NEVER could of done 'roids. I mean, shit, look how scrawny the guy is.

[Philberto]

Also, I found this in there:

[Quality Start Machine]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

I have told so many Sox fans that it's absurd to suggest that Thomas is clean.  He played football at Auburn in the 80s.  Please.

Bo said he never even lifted weights.

Which, I'm sure,  is why his hip degenerated at such a young age.

[PenFoe]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

For everyone who wants to know what the article says, but doesn't want to read it, here's the CliffPen's notes:

Jesus, Lord, God, I don't do Steroids, I've always just been really, really good at baseball. What I do off the field is more important because baseball isn't that important and it's always been really, really easy to me. Because of God Lord Jesus.  I know everyone is always going to suspect that I do steroids because I'm so good at this very, very easy game of baseball, but I don't, because God would hate if I did. Oh, and every single time a retarded kid asks me to hit a home run, I've done it.  6 times now. Thank Jesus. Baseball is easy.

The end.

[Oleg]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

For everyone who wants to know what the article says, but doesn't want to read it, here's the CliffPen's notes:

Jesus, Lord, God, I don't do Steroids, I've always just been really, really good at baseball. What I do off the field is more important because baseball isn't that important and it's always been really, really easy to me. Because of God Lord Jesus.  I know everyone is always going to suspect that I do steroids because I'm so good at this very, very easy game of baseball, but I don't, because God would hate if I did. Oh, and every single time a retarded kid asks me to hit a home run, I've done it.  6 times now. Thank Jesus. Baseball is easy.

The end.

So, if one reads between the lines, he's saying that Jesus is his roids dealer.

[Quality Start Machine]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

For everyone who wants to know what the article says, but doesn't want to read it, here's the CliffPen's notes:

Jesus, Lord, God, I don't do Steroids, I've always just been really, really good at baseball. What I do off the field is more important because baseball isn't that important and it's always been really, really easy to me. Because of God Lord Jesus.  I know everyone is always going to suspect that I do steroids because I'm so good at this very, very easy game of baseball, but I don't, because God would hate if I did. Oh, and every single time a retarded kid asks me to hit a home run, I've done it.  6 times now. Thank Jesus. Baseball is easy.

The end.

So, if one reads between the lines, he's saying that Jesus is his roids dealer.

How do you think He healed the sick?

[Dave B]

Phil Rogers is on full alert status: Pudge Rodriguez just signed with the Asstrolls.

[Eli]

Phil Rogers is on full alert status: Pudge Rodriguez just signed with the Asstrolls.

And there's the sneak attack.

[Dave B]

An interesting look at the state of the Satanic Fowl.

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/cardinals/story/67CC0C94AC1BDD118625757D0012C7BE?OpenDocument

[Quality Start Machine]

An interesting look at the state of the Satanic Fowl.

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/cardinals/story/67CC0C94AC1BDD118625757D0012C7BE?OpenDocument

The economy shouldn't hurt Cardinal fans that much...a recession generally doesn't affect those who are already unemployed.

[Dave B]

An interesting look at the state of the Satanic Fowl.

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/cardinals/story/67CC0C94AC1BDD118625757D0012C7BE?OpenDocument

The economy shouldn't hurt Cardinal fans that much...a recession generally doesn't affect those who are already unemployed.

This part puzzles me:

"The Cardinals derive no direct revenue from the All-Star week. However, the club credits its anticipated season-ticket renewal rate of 92-93 percent on hosting the event. (Season-ticket holders may purchase one All-Star ticket per seat they control.)"

Is he kidding? Even though they've still just got that dirt area out back, they will be hosting all kinds of stuff in the area during All-Star Week and should make a ton off that. If a team didn't stand to make a lot of money, I doubt they would bust their asses to try to host one.

[thehawk]

The two weapons of the Astros are fear and surprise...and ruthless cardiac surgeons

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-astros-boonesurgery&prov=ap&type=lgns

[Chuck to Chuck]

An interesting look at the state of the Satanic Fowl.

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/stories.nsf/cardinals/story/67CC0C94AC1BDD118625757D0012C7BE?OpenDocument

The economy shouldn't hurt Cardinal fans that much...a recession generally doesn't affect those who are already unemployed.

This part puzzles me:

"The Cardinals derive no direct revenue from the All-Star week. However, the club credits its anticipated season-ticket renewal rate of 92-93 percent on hosting the event. (Season-ticket holders may purchase one All-Star ticket per seat they control.)"

Is he kidding? Even though they've still just got that dirt area out back, they will be hosting all kinds of stuff in the area during All-Star Week and should make a ton off that. If a team didn't stand to make a lot of money, I doubt they would bust their asses to try to host one.

That's all indirect.