Please add joyful positive here!!!!

[CBStew]

One day Daniel Murphy will be on his deathbed, and at the instant his death rattle begins, in a moment of clarity, he'll realize he was dead wrong about what God wants and where he was going after he died.

Is that joyful and positive enough?

Hope that day is today.

I would rather see his supply of steroids run out as he returned to being Daniel Murphy.

[Tonker]

One day Daniel Murphy will be on his deathbed, and at the instant his death rattle begins, in a moment of clarity, he'll realize he was dead wrong about what God wants and where he was going after he died.

Is that joyful and positive enough?

Hope that day is today.

I would rather see his supply of steroids run out as he returned to being Daniel Murphy.

Stew, much as I hate to piss on your righteous indignation... I'm not sure this is how steroids work, old chum.  It is, however, how sheer, uncontrollable, infuriating, fucking awful dumb fucking luck works.

[Tonker]

DPD. Kyle Schwarber's aggregated post-season line this year:

G    AB    R    H   TB   HR   RBI   BB   AVG    OBP    SLG    OPS
9    27    6    9    24     5    8    4     .333   .419    .889   1.308

[Quality Start Machine]

DPD. Kyle Schwarber's aggregated post-season line this year:

G    AB    R    H   TB   HR   RBI   BB   AVG    OBP    SLG    OPS
9    27    6    9    24     5    8    4     .333   .419    .889   1.308

He and Soler had Octobers that should keep us all turgid until pitchers and catchers.

[Tonker]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

[Slaky]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

[SKO]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

If Soler has to be traded for pitching, and they don't want to pay the Heyward premium, re-signing Fowler and adding Gordon would be pretty cool. I've always liked him a lot.

[Quality Start Machine]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

If Soler has to be traded for pitching, and they don't want to pay the Heyward premium, re-signing Fowler and adding Gordon would be pretty cool. I've always liked him a lot.

Is it just me, or does Gordon's official MLB portrait look like Chris Elliot?

[InternetApex]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

If Soler has to be traded for pitching, and they don't want to pay the Heyward premium, re-signing Fowler and adding Gordon would be pretty cool. I've always liked him a lot.

This is a good way to take a cool, fun team and make it significantly less so for no fucking reason - other than that pitching you're promising. It better be some real, sustainable upgrade or this scenario would depress the hell out of me.

[SKO]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

If Soler has to be traded for pitching, and they don't want to pay the Heyward premium, re-signing Fowler and adding Gordon would be pretty cool. I've always liked him a lot.

This is a good way to take a cool, fun team and make it significantly less so for no fucking reason - other than that pitching you're promising. It better be some real, sustainable upgrade or this scenario would depress the hell out of me.

I am on team "don't trade Jorge" but if he gets moved it would be for a damn good pitcher. They'd never sell low on him.

[InternetApex]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

If Soler has to be traded for pitching, and they don't want to pay the Heyward premium, re-signing Fowler and adding Gordon would be pretty cool. I've always liked him a lot.

This is a good way to take a cool, fun team and make it significantly less so for no fucking reason - other than that pitching you're promising. It better be some real, sustainable upgrade or this scenario would depress the hell out of me.

I am on team "don't trade Jorge" but if he gets moved it would be for a damn good pitcher. They'd never sell low on him.

Jake Arrietas grow on trees. They should just shake that one again and see if another Pedro Strop falls out with it. Trading Soler for some longhaired, skinny cunt who's headed for Tommy John surgery would be like watching Maddux walk again. If Maddux were a giant, Cuban superhero with a fat gold chain. Schwarber too. I don't want either of them traded. There has to be a better way.

[Tonker]

Being ahead going into the bottom of the ninth, only for your previously-untouchable closer to cough up a game-tying dinger?  And then to lose the game in the fourteenth on an unearned run after your golden boy threw the ball away?

That's gotta sting, eh?  Jeezo.

EDIT: Holy shit, I just saw the Escobar inside-the-park-off-the-first-pitch-the-Royals-saw home run.  What the fuck?  Cespedes got there and then, with his hands by his sides, literally kicked it - as in, volleyed it with his boot - far, far away into left field.  I can only assume he lost sight of the ball.  I certainly have no idea how it wasn't called an error: it wasn't quite a routine fly ball, but it should definitely have been an out.

EDIT EDIT: Having watched it again, it appears that Cespedes takes his eye off the ball to make sure he's not going to collide with Conforto, and then never finds it again.  Fucking pussy.

I celebrated Gordon's homer like it was ours. Kinda sad but that's life.

Future Cub Alex Gordon.

If Soler has to be traded for pitching, and they don't want to pay the Heyward premium, re-signing Fowler and adding Gordon would be pretty cool. I've always liked him a lot.

This is a good way to take a cool, fun team and make it significantly less so for no fucking reason - other than that pitching you're promising. It better be some real, sustainable upgrade or this scenario would depress the hell out of me.

I am on team "don't trade Jorge" but if he gets moved it would be for a damn good pitcher. They'd never sell low on him.

Jake Arrietas grow on trees. They should just shake that one again and see if another Pedro Strop falls out with it. Trading Soler for some longhaired, skinny cunt who's headed for Tommy John surgery would be like watching Maddux walk again. If Maddux were a giant, Cuban superhero with a fat gold chain. Schwarber too. I don't want either of them traded. There has to be a better way.

I love Jorge, but comparing him to Maddux, Peck?  Sounds to me like you need a nice sit down and a cup of tea.

[Quality Start Machine]

If Jepstink wanted to trade either of these guys, Cole Hamels would be a Cub.

[Eli]

This is a good way to take a cool, fun team and make it significantly less so for no fucking reason

What's more cool and fun than winning though?

[SKO]

This is a good way to take a cool, fun team and make it significantly less so for no fucking reason

What's more cool and fun than winning though?

I also enjoyed how "getting pitching" which they sorely need because Jason Hammel started a win or go home playoff game, is "no fucking reason"


I mean hell, I'd like to live in a Chuckian Utopia where the Ricketts just scream "fuck bitches, get money" and sign every pitcher in sight and the Cubs never have to trade a guy like Jorge and can just keep collecting veteran arms and writing them off when they finally fall apart. In the real world they probably need a Tyson Ross or Carlos Corrasco and if Jorge is the only way to get one (and they replace Jorge with a Heyward or Gordon) then that's hardly something to get suicidal over.