TDubbs' Guide To The Movies

[Thrillho]

The Last Kiss ★★★★★
Zach Braff, Jacinda from "The Real World: London" and Casey Affleck? Please tell me I'm dreaming!

Hostel ★★★★★
The closest thing to legal rape porn you can find outside of the former Yugoslavia.

Accepted ★★★★★
The movie that put Jonah Hill on the map. Also featuring John Cusack's non-mentally disabled sister.

Smokin' Aces ★★★★★
Ryan. Reynolds. ('Nuff said.)

The Number 23 ★★★★★
By far my favorite Joel Schumacher flick since Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera. I usually don't like math so much, but this movie (like Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land before it) actually made it fun to think about numbers. Could have used some Virginia Madsen showgans, but I guess you can't have everything! (Maybe I'll rent Class next.)

Letters From Iwo Jima ★★★★★
With that Chinese guy from Batman and directed by Philo from Every Which Way But Loose. [spoiler]U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A![/spoiler]

The Hills Have Eyes II ★★★★★
How do you make Hollywood's top post-nuclear cannibal mutant horror film franchise even better? Can you say "National Guard training exercises"?

The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear ★★★★★
Priscilla Presley, Robert Goulet, OJ Simpson. It's like a "who's who" of the Hollywood elite.

Hustle & Flow ★★★★
I'm pretty sure I liked this, but it's kinda hard to say. Black people are so hard to understand sometimes.

The Holiday ★★★★
Jude Law + Jack Black = The Perfect Man

Because I Said So ★★★★
"Why should I see this?" you ask? Don't even make me say it.

Epic Movie ★★★★
30 movies for the price of one! And you know it's funny because the title on the DVD box is in a bright red sans serif. Could have used more Crispin Glover, though.

10 Things I Hate About You ★★★★
2 things I love about this movie? Heath Ledger... and Heath Ledger!

Anaconda ★★★★
Not what I expected at all. But, while this turned out not to be a new star vehicle for Anaconda of Big Black Dicks, Tight White Asses 4 fame, it did feature Danny Trejo as some scary-ass Mexican dude. And that's good enough for TDubbs.

Catch and Release ★★★
A disappointing rom-com follow-up to 13 Going on 30. It's still Jennifer Garner, though, and that's at least half the battle.

Must Love Dogs ★★★
A John Cusack movie without Joan? All the Stockard Channing in the world ain't going to buy you 4 stars, Gary David Goldberg.

The Marine ★
John Cena stars as John Triton. If I want to see a faux-athletic douche in extra-medium shirts, I'll gaze longingly into a mirror, thank you very much.

Delta Farce ★
I'm sorry, I just had a little difficulty buying the premise of this one.

Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj ★
No Ryan Reynolds? Lame.

The Lake House?
Stay tuned!!!

[Thrillho]

(I'm just funnin' ya, Dubbs.)

[JakeD]

Thanks, I'm going to update my Netflix queue.

[TDubbs]

The Last Kiss ★★★★★
Zach Braff, Jacinda from "The Real World: London" and Casey Affleck? Please tell me I'm dreaming!

Hostel ★★★★★
The closest thing to legal rape porn you can find outside of the former Yugoslavia.

Accepted ★★★★★
The movie that put Jonah Hill on the map. Also featuring John Cusack's non-mentally disabled sister.

Smokin' Aces ★★★★★
Ryan. Reynolds. ('Nuff said.)

The Number 23 ★★★★★
By far my favorite Joel Schumacher flick since Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera. I usually don't like math so much, but this movie (like Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land before it) actually made it fun to think about numbers. Could have used some Virginia Madsen showgans, but I guess you can't have everything! (Maybe I'll rent Class next.)

Letters From Iwo Jima ★★★★★
With that Chinese guy from Batman and directed by Philo from Every Which Way But Loose. [spoiler]U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A![/spoiler]

The Hills Have Eyes II ★★★★★
How do you make Hollywood's top post-nuclear cannibal mutant horror film franchise even better? Can you say "National Guard training exercises"?

The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear ★★★★★
Priscilla Presley, Robert Goulet, OJ Simpson. It's like a "who's who" of the Hollywood elite.

Hustle & Flow ★★★★
I'm pretty sure I liked this, but it's kinda hard to say. Black people are so hard to understand sometimes.

The Holiday ★★★★
Jude Law + Jack Black = The Perfect Man

Because I Said So ★★★★
"Why should I see this?" you ask? Don't even make me say it.

Epic Movie ★★★★
30 movies for the price of one! And you know it's funny because the title on the DVD box is in a bright red sans serif. Could have used more Crispin Glover, though.

10 Things I Hate About You ★★★★
2 things I love about this movie? Heath Ledger... and Heath Ledger!

Anaconda ★★★★
Not what I expected at all. But, while this turned out not to be a new star vehicle for Anaconda of Big Black Dicks, Tight White Asses 4 fame, it did feature Danny Trejo as some scary-ass Mexican dude. And that's good enough for TDubbs.

Catch and Release ★★★
A disappointing rom-com follow-up to 13 Going on 30. It's still Jennifer Garner, though, and that's at least half the battle.

Must Love Dogs ★★★
A John Cusack movie without Joan? All the Stockard Channing in the world ain't going to buy you 4 stars, Gary David Goldberg.

The Marine ★
John Cena stars as John Triton. If I want to see a faux-athletic douche in extra-medium shirts, I'll gaze longingly into a mirror, thank you very much.

Delta Farce ★
I'm sorry, I just had a little difficulty buying the premise of this one.

Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj ★
No Ryan Reynolds? Lame.

The Lake House?
Stay tuned!!!

I have a few things to say about this "thread". 
1.  27 Dresses will be awesome
2.  P.S. I Love You will be fucking awesome
3.  Amazon Jail - 9 stars
4.  Good Luck Chuck - 6 and a half stars
5.  Thrill, I'm going to throat punch you

[Thrillho]

I have a few things to say about this "thread". 
1.  27 Dresses will be awesome
2.  P.S. I Love You will be fucking awesome
3.  Amazon Jail - 9 stars
4.  Good Luck Chuck - 6 and a half stars
5.  Thrill, I'm going to throat punch you

It was "faux-athletic douche in extra-medium shirts" that sealed it, wasn't it?

Didn't you see when I said this, though?

(I'm just funnin' ya, Dubbs.)

JK, TW!!!

[TDubbs]

I have a few things to say about this "thread". 
1.  27 Dresses will be awesome
2.  P.S. I Love You will be fucking awesome
3.  Amazon Jail - 9 stars
4.  Good Luck Chuck - 6 and a half stars
5.  Thrill, I'm going to throat punch you

It was "faux-athletic douche in extra-medium shirts" that sealed it, wasn't it?

Didn't you see when I said this, though?

(I'm just funnin' ya, Dubbs.)

JK, TW!!!

I'm LOLing

[Thrillho]

I have a few things to say about this "thread". 
1.  27 Dresses will be awesome
2.  P.S. I Love You will be fucking awesome
3.  Amazon Jail - 9 stars
4.  Good Luck Chuck - 6 and a half stars
5.  Thrill, I'm going to throat punch you

It was "faux-athletic douche in extra-medium shirts" that sealed it, wasn't it?

Didn't you see when I said this, though?

(I'm just funnin' ya, Dubbs.)

JK, TW!!!

I'm LOLing

Are you JOing?

[PTanner]

I have a few things to say about this "thread". 
1.  27 Dresses will be awesome
2.  P.S. I Love You will be fucking awesome
3.  Amazon Jail - 9 stars
4.  Good Luck Chuck - 6 and a half stars
5.  Thrill, I'm going to throat punch you

It was "faux-athletic douche in extra-medium shirts" that sealed it, wasn't it?

Didn't you see when I said this, though?

(I'm just funnin' ya, Dubbs.)

JK, TW!!!

I'm LOLing

Are you JOing?

I'm guessing there's ghey stuff.

[Thrillho]

As a sort of olive branch, I'm posting TDubbs' most epic moment ever: his 1-post banning from NSBB, sadly disappeared from this classic thread...

http://www.northsidebaseball.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=48001

(For sake of context, the post originally appeared right around here.)

So I'm sitting here at work, not working, trying to decide on how to properly respond to this thread. All I can really come up with is that this is the biggest ---SOAPDROPPING--- pile of panty wastes I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean, really? Dating your best friend? Get over yourself and him/her? I can't believe that there are this many guys in the world without actual testicles. You're ---SOAPDROPPING--- crying that somebody left you? I can tell you why, b/c you're a ---SOAPDROPPING--- loser. Who the hell would want to be with somebody that is a whiney little bitch? I mean, if you think that sitting around on a Cubs blog and posting messages is going to make things better, then just buy the gun or a noose and end it all now.
Go out to McGee's, buy about 15 $1 bottles, meet some skank, bang the **** out of them, go to work the next day (unless you're one of the 15%), and deal with it.

You're not going to be friends with them. You're never going to talk to them again once you grow your nuts back. You're probably, however, going to see them out at a bar with somebody that is way better looking than you and can actually get it up in bed, so get ready for that. Although she could probably bring in somebody from Miseracordia and beat this doucherocket:
"I even stood up in her wedding. (Yes, I was a bridesmaid. Lol @ me.)"

And of course this utter gem: "I had a similar experience senior year in high school. My absolute soul-mate and I decided to give dating a try after being friends for 5 years. It lasted all of about 1 month (and she was even out of town that entire month). Long story short, it ended very badly for me and it took me literally years to fully get over it."
Really?!?! It took you literally years to get over a 1 month relationship in which you never saw the person? Really? Was your wiener tucked in between your legs like Buffalo Bob the entire recovery period? Did you not go outside of your bedroom and see actual girls in the flesh? Literally years huh? You have got to be shitting me. What the **** is your problem? Unless your Bocaj, then you're worthless to begin with.

And before all you interweb nerds get your vaginas all in a twist, let me just tell you that what I said was the truth. You douchecannons can sit in your studio apartments, listen to Sarah McLachlan, make your hair dolls of your ex, post on this horribly shitty excuse for a Cubs website, or you can get off your overweight, ice cream eating ass, and try to have actual intercourse with an actual female human being. It's been done for centuries now. You think you are the only dumbfucks to be dumped or broken up with? Please. Go to the ---SOAPDROPPING--- Yahoo personals and post this bullshit. You wonder why this site gets made fun of.

Best of luck,
TDubbs

*Note that "---SOAPDROPPING---" is apparently NSBB's automagical replacement euphemism for "fucking." Just another peek at the great inoffensive fun ride that is the four-letter douchecastle.

[Slaky+]

From that same thread on dating your friends:

Tomy23 opines: "It's the worst thing in the world when it ends. It really is."

The Failed Desipiot IMB sez he "probably learned more about myself from those two relationships than from any of my other ones."

But our main man Sulleymoon gets it. I mean he REALLY gets it - "it's better if you're not best friends before you get together and then gradually become best friends. when you wake up one moring and realize that there's no one on earth that you'd rather hang out with or tell things to more than the one you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with, it's an amazing feeling."

Yes guys. This is a Cubs website.

[Three times a JD]

From that same thread on dating your friends:

Tomy23 opines: "It's the worst thing in the world when it ends. It really is."

The Failed Desipiot IMB sez he "probably learned more about myself from those two relationships than from any of my other ones."

But our main man Sulleymoon gets it. I mean he REALLY gets it - "it's better if you're not best friends before you get together and then gradually become best friends. when you wake up one moring and realize that there's no one on earth that you'd rather hang out with or tell things to more than the one you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with, it's an amazing feeling."

Yes guys. This is a Cubs website.

It's the Pete King of cubs websites.

[RV]

Slaky...you must have missed this tear-jerker.

I had a similar experience senior year in high school. My absolute soul-mate and I decided to give dating a try after being friends for 5 years. It lasted all of about 1 month (and she was even out of town that entire month). Long story short, it ended very badly for me and it took me literally years to fully get over it. She dropped me and started dating a goof ball, steroid addict who could barely spell his own name. She ended up marrying the guy and I've heard rumors that he beats her and is on prozac to manage his bi-polar syndrome. I saw them at a high school reunion a few years ago and I'm convinced that I'm a better man today for having been through it.

ALWAYS take a chance at love.

[powen01]

Slaky...you must have missed this tear-jerker.

I had a similar experience senior year in high school. My absolute soul-mate and I decided to give dating a try after being friends for 5 years. It lasted all of about 1 month (and she was even out of town that entire month). Long story short, it ended very badly for me and it took me literally years to fully get over it. She dropped me and started dating a goof ball, steroid addict who could barely spell his own name. She ended up marrying the guy and I've heard rumors that he beats her and is on prozac to manage his bi-polar syndrome. I saw them at a high school reunion a few years ago and I'm convinced that I'm a better man today for having been through it.

ALWAYS take a chance at love.

So, if I point out that his ABSOLUTE SOULMATE is getting banged and beaten by some other dude, would I get banned from the site too? 

[Slaky+]

Slaky...you must have missed this tear-jerker.

I had a similar experience senior year in high school. My absolute soul-mate and I decided to give dating a try after being friends for 5 years. It lasted all of about 1 month (and she was even out of town that entire month). Long story short, it ended very badly for me and it took me literally years to fully get over it. She dropped me and started dating a goof ball, steroid addict who could barely spell his own name. She ended up marrying the guy and I've heard rumors that he beats her and is on prozac to manage his bi-polar syndrome. I saw them at a high school reunion a few years ago and I'm convinced that I'm a better man today for having been through it.

ALWAYS take a chance at love.

Isn't that the one TDubbs got banned for ripping on? Either way, it's gheyer than spandex.

[powen01]

Slaky...you must have missed this tear-jerker.

I had a similar experience senior year in high school. My absolute soul-mate and I decided to give dating a try after being friends for 5 years. It lasted all of about 1 month (and she was even out of town that entire month). Long story short, it ended very badly for me and it took me literally years to fully get over it. She dropped me and started dating a goof ball, steroid addict who could barely spell his own name. She ended up marrying the guy and I've heard rumors that he beats her and is on prozac to manage his bi-polar syndrome. I saw them at a high school reunion a few years ago and I'm convinced that I'm a better man today for having been through it.

ALWAYS take a chance at love.

Isn't that the one TDubbs got banned for ripping on? Either way, it's gheyer than spandex.

Slak,  JD wants us to take a chance at love while he watches.