Pollyellon banned me

[Al Czervik]

Christina Kahrl at Baseball Prospectus analyzes the Ward-to-the-DL-Hoffpauir-up roster move. ($) I was racking my brains trying to think of who Hoffpauir reminds me of from the recent Cub past, and she nailed it:

Dude's got at least 2 brains.  And they're both boring.

Here's my Desipio story:  A buddy of mine (total troller) was always quoting you guys and bringing up something from a thread.  I checked it out and have been spoiled by the contributions of not only Andy's monthly dose, but the regular postings by many of you.  I have gone to other sites occasionally, but humorless stat crunching isn't my bag.  Because of this thread I headed over to BCB and Yellon bored me away in two paragaphs.  It's not his fault.  He's just not an especially  funny, interesting, or insightful writer (probably person either).  And he'll be damned if anyone else is.  No jokes, no snark, and no photos of beer?

Yellon can try all he wants to do his best Reverend Shaw Moore impression, I say keep on dancing Andy:

[Eli]

humorless stat crunching isn't my bag. 

Damn it.

[Kerm]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

[PenFoe]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

[Kerm]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

You know what's better than offending a New Yorker's sense of geographic pride?

Nothin'.

[PenFoe]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

You know what's better than offending a New Yorker's sense of geographic pride?

Nothin'.

[Kerm]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

You know what's better than offending a New Yorker's sense of geographic pride?

Nothin'.

Phffffft.  That place is a total tourist trap.

[PenFoe]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

You know what's better than offending a New Yorker's sense of geographic pride?

Nothin'.

Phffffft.  That place is a total tourist trap.

Naperville doesn't have tourists, they're called "lost"

[Thrillho]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

At least in Jersey you can turn right on red.

And park.

[Andre Dawson's Creek]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

At least in Jersey you can turn right on red.

And park.

And get syphilis.

[PTanner]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

At least in Jersey you can turn right on red.

And park.

And get syphilis.

But you can't see a topless dancer in a place that serves alcohol.

[TDubbs]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

At least in Jersey you can turn right on red.

And park.

And get syphilis.

But you can't see a topless dancer in a place that serves alcohol.

TDubbs' places to visit this year:

1.  California
2.  New Jersey
3.  Bonersville, USA

[PTanner]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

At least in Jersey you can turn right on red.

And park.

And get syphilis.

But you can't see a topless dancer in a place that serves alcohol.

TDubbs' places to visit this year:

1.  California
2.  New Jersey
3.  Bonersville, USA

They can do all-nude in BYOB places, or keep the nipular area covered up in a regular bar. The girls in the regular ("go-go") bars are incredibly hot, at least at the good ones.

[Thrillho]

I don't know if I should answer you.  You have more posts than me, so I'm not allowed to have an opinion about anything you say. 

Since we have a former-letter insider here, I have to ask one question (and then I promise I'll lay off the tweeners for a while).  Do you know what ever happened to Goony's Evil Twin?  That guy was the most unhappy, bitter piece of shit I could possibly imagine.  I suspect he "forgot" to turn the car off when he was out drinking and crying in his garage, and that was the end of his miserable story.

Don't ask me how I know this -- because I don't know how I know this -- but I'm pretty sure he became "jersey cubs fan."

That would make sense.  He was a New Yorker.

New Jersey is not New York.

Let's get that shit straight right here & now.

From this distance, it's hard to distinguish exactly which one the rest of us revolve around.

New York.

Don't forget it.

Jersey is just a parasite of a state who's entire identity is a proud caricature of itself.

At least in Jersey you can turn right on red.

And park.

And get syphilis.

But you can't see a topless dancer in a place that serves alcohol.

TDubbs' places to visit this year:

1.  California
2.  New Jersey
3.  Bonersville, USA

They can do all-nude in BYOB places, or keep the nipular area covered up in a regular bar. The girls in the regular ("go-go") bars are incredibly hot, at least at the good ones.

Hogans + bush + reasonably priced malt liquor = AMERICA WINS

[Lance Dicksons Arm]

Hogans + bush neatly manicured landing areas + reasonably priced malt liquor = AMERICA WINS

Modified'd for my own personal taste.