The Happening

[TDubbs]

There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke.  Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard.  It was weird.

You watched it without me?  You bastard.

Flights were delayed due to the bad weather, so I figured you were out.

[Kermit, B.]

There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke.  Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard.  It was weird.

THI.  It was on HBO over the weekend.  I had to record it and watch it.  It was absolutely hysterical.  Not just Marky Mark, but EVERYONE in the movie acted like a tard.  There was a moment at the beginning just after Zooey finished talking to Joey (IT WAS JUST TIRAMISU!) where she hung up the phone, yet the camera lingered on her, and she put her chin up to her face in the fakest, "I'm acting thoughtful" way I've ever seen.

Uncle Rico talking about how much he loved hot dogs was surreal.

Marky Mark's scene when he's trying to run through the steps of his completely wrong scientific method (aloud) was amazing.

The lady's reaction to the video of the guy letting the lions rip his arms off was hilarious.

Why did the people in the boarded-up house OPEN THEIR SLATTED WINDOWS AND DOOR to shoot the two teenage kids?

Marky Mark talks to a plastic plant.  My God.

R-V is all kinds of right about Marky Mark's, "I HEAR THE WIND IN THE BACKGROUND!" scene.  Outstanding.

Was the girl from first "happening" (speaking of which, didn't they call them "events" or something totally different in the movie?) and the guy from the last happening immune to the plantardation?  That might have been a useful angle to explore.

This movie just HAS to be a comedy.

[CT III]

There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke.  Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard.  It was weird.

THI.  It was on HBO over the weekend.  I had to record it and watch it.  It was absolutely hysterical.  Not just Marky Mark, but EVERYONE in the movie acted like a tard.  There was a moment at the beginning just after Zooey finished talking to Joey (IT WAS JUST TIRAMISU!) where she hung up the phone, yet the camera lingered on her, and she put her chin up to her face in the fakest, "I'm acting thoughtful" way I've ever seen.

Uncle Rico talking about how much he loved hot dogs was surreal.

Marky Mark's scene when he's trying to run through the steps of his completely wrong scientific method (aloud) was amazing.

The lady's reaction to the video of the guy letting the lions rip his arms off was hilarious.

Why did the people in the boarded-up house OPEN THEIR SLATTED WINDOWS AND DOOR to shoot the two teenage kids?

Marky Mark talks to a plastic plant.  My God.

R-V is all kinds of right about Marky Mark's, "I HEAR THE WIND IN THE BACKGROUND!" scene.  Outstanding.

Was the girl from first "happening" (speaking of which, didn't they call them "events" or something totally different in the movie?) and the guy from the last happening immune to the plantardation?  That might have been a useful angle to explore.

This movie just HAS to be a comedy.

I just caught the second half of it the other day, and now I really want to watch the first half.  Hilariously bad movie.  Also funnier, after Zoey has confessed her "adultry" to Marky Mark, he later gets back at her in this great exchange:

MM: "If we're going to die, I want you to know something. I was in the pharmacy a while ago. There was a really good-looking pharmacist behind the counter. Really good-looking. I went up and asked her where the cough syrup was. I didn't even have a cough, and I almost bought it. I'm talking about a completely superfluous bottle of cough syrup, which costs like six bucks."

Zoey:  "Are you joking?"

[Kermit, B.]

There was no way that this movie wasn't made as a joke.  Marky Mark is a fairly decent actor, I think, but he was blatantly saying his lines like a tard.  It was weird.

THI.  It was on HBO over the weekend.  I had to record it and watch it.  It was absolutely hysterical.  Not just Marky Mark, but EVERYONE in the movie acted like a tard.  There was a moment at the beginning just after Zooey finished talking to Joey (IT WAS JUST TIRAMISU!) where she hung up the phone, yet the camera lingered on her, and she put her chin up to her face in the fakest, "I'm acting thoughtful" way I've ever seen.

Uncle Rico talking about how much he loved hot dogs was surreal.

Marky Mark's scene when he's trying to run through the steps of his completely wrong scientific method (aloud) was amazing.

The lady's reaction to the video of the guy letting the lions rip his arms off was hilarious.

Why did the people in the boarded-up house OPEN THEIR SLATTED WINDOWS AND DOOR to shoot the two teenage kids?

Marky Mark talks to a plastic plant.  My God.

R-V is all kinds of right about Marky Mark's, "I HEAR THE WIND IN THE BACKGROUND!" scene.  Outstanding.

Was the girl from first "happening" (speaking of which, didn't they call them "events" or something totally different in the movie?) and the guy from the last happening immune to the plantardation?  That might have been a useful angle to explore.

This movie just HAS to be a comedy.

I just caught the second half of it the other day, and now I really want to watch the first half.  Hilariously bad movie.  Also funnier, after Zoey has confessed her "adultry" to Marky Mark, he later gets back at her in this great exchange:

MM: "If we're going to die, I want you to know something. I was in the pharmacy a while ago. There was a really good-looking pharmacist behind the counter. Really good-looking. I went up and asked her where the cough syrup was. I didn't even have a cough, and I almost bought it. I'm talking about a completely superfluous bottle of cough syrup, which costs like six bucks."

Zoey:  "Are you joking?"

The first half is worth it, if only to watch Marky Mark teach high school biology and to watch John Leguizamo die a horrible death.

[PenFoe]

I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.

[Slaky]

I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.

I still don't.

[Kermit, B.]

I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.

I can safely say that this one is actually worth watching.  It was just mesmerizing.  I kept thinking, "Okay, THAT'S the most ridiculous thing that they'll say or do," and I just KEPT BEING WRONG.  They run away from wind.  Wind!

Oh, and I found it absolutely hilarious that they never actually do figure out what's happening.  Like why those people were immune.  Or how the trees controlled the wind.  Or how bad the Philadelphia public high school system is that they hired Marky Mark AND John Leguizamo.  Seriously.  No explanation whatsoever.  I imagine M. Night was already so far into writing the script, he didn't want to throw it out just because he couldn't come up with a logical explanation for this nonsense.  I think that's how Stephen King ends every single one of his books.

[JD]

I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.

I still don't.

Me, neither.  I'd forgotten aboot the movie, actually.  But, now, after reading all of this, I'm actually thinking aboot watching.  If you could see me now, I'd be sitting here with my chin up to my face(which leaves my hands free to type and makes it a really super-terrific thoughtful pose, BK), thinking aboot watching this movie.


Nah.  I think I'll still skip it.  I just wanted a really stupid and elaborate way to point out Kerm's "chin up to her face" line, which I didn't even quote.

[Kermit, B.]

I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.

I still don't.

Me, neither.  I'd forgotten aboot the movie, actually.  But, now, after reading all of this, I'm actually thinking aboot watching.  If you could see me now, I'd be sitting here with my chin up to my face(which leaves my hands free to type and makes it a really super-terrific thoughtful pose, BK), thinking aboot watching this movie.


Nah.  I think I'll still skip it.  I just wanted a really stupid and elaborate way to point out Kerm's "chin up to her face" line, which I didn't even quote.

After she put her chin up to her face, she put her hand to her chin.  It was AMAZING.

[JD]

I've never wanted so badly to watch a terrible movie.

I still don't.

Me, neither.  I'd forgotten aboot the movie, actually.  But, now, after reading all of this, I'm actually thinking aboot watching.  If you could see me now, I'd be sitting here with my chin up to my face(which leaves my hands free to type and makes it a really super-terrific thoughtful pose, BK), thinking aboot watching this movie.


Nah.  I think I'll still skip it.  I just wanted a really stupid and elaborate way to point out Kerm's "chin up to her face" line, which I didn't even quote.

After she put her chin up to her face, she put her hand to her chin.  It was AMAZING.

She puts her chin up to her face, one hand at a time like everyone else, bub.

[R-V]

I was hoping this thread was still around.

"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999

[Gilgamesh]

I was hoping this thread was still around.

"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999

WHY HAS THIS THREAD BEEN BUMPED????!?!?!?!?!?!

NO!!!!!!!!

[Kermit IV]

Ooo, SOLID bump, RV.  I was actually thinking about this movie the other night after I watched Blindness.  Did anyone see that disaster?  Like The Happening, it had a sufficiently creepy premise, but also like The Happening, the acting was awful, the dialog was awful, and the cause of the epidemic was never addressed.  At one point, Julianne Moore, while carrying encased sausages, walks about five feet away from a blind guy.  The dude not only somehow smells that she's carrying meat, but also manages to smellolocate her and attack her.  Julianne Moore is the only sighted person in the city, yet she still manages to lose half of her escape party while simply walking through the streets.  She also gets raped by a bunch of blind dudes.  Oh, and Mark Ruffalo was in it, acting as terrible as ever.

[Gilgamesh]

Ooo, SOLID bump, RV.  I was actually thinking about this movie the other night after I watched Blindness.  Did anyone see that disaster?  Like The Happening, it had a sufficiently creepy premise, but also like The Happening, the acting was awful, the dialog was awful, and the cause of the epidemic was never addressed.  At one point, Julianne Moore, while carrying encased sausages, walks about five feet away from a blind guy.  The dude not only somehow smells that she's carrying meat, but also manages to smellolocate her and attack her.  Julianne Moore is the only sighted person in the city, yet she still manages to lose half of her escape party while simply walking through the streets.  She also gets raped by a bunch of blind dudes.  Oh, and Mark Ruffalo was in it, acting as terrible as ever.

He was okay in Zodiac.

[Eli]

I was hoping this thread was still around.

"The Last Airbender" is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100630/REVIEWS/100639999

Piling on:

http://io9.com/5576076/m-night-shyamalan-finally-made-a-comedy

And The Last Airbender is a lavish parody of big-budget fantasy epics. It's got everything: the personality-free hero, the nonsensical plot twists, the CG clutter, the bland romance, the new-age pablum. No expense is spared — Shyamalan even makes sure to make fun of distractingly shitty 3-D, by featuring it in his movie.

Shyamalan's true achievement in this film is that he takes a thrilling cult TV series, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and he systematically leaches all the personality and soul out of it — in order to create something generic enough to serve as a universal spoof of every epic, ever.

In the middle of a summer of proctologically un-thought-out action movies, The Last Airbender breezes past self-parody into a full-on comedy assault that will have you hearing Shyamalan's mocking laughter in your sleep. It's an absurdist masterpiece, in which a million things happen but nothing takes place. (In completely flat 3-D.) This is the standard by which all future epics will be judged.