Burgers

[PenPho]

Christ, people.

BURGERS.

Not meatballs.

[Kermit IV]

So, I just got back from Fatburger.  No one has mentioned it yet...so here goes.

Good shit, man.  It's not quite an In-N-Out, but it's big and juicy and delicious.  The patties seem to be fresh and not round.  You can also get a freid egg on it for less than a buck more.

The fries are good, too.

Mostly, this place is worth trying if you've already had an In-N-Out.  I prefer it to any of the fast food joints we get in Chicago (besides Five Guys).

Eat a salad, lardass.

You don't win friends with salad.

More gazpacho, anyone?

It's tomato soup, served ICE COLD!

Go back to Massachusettes Russia!

How'd I do?

About as well as we could have hoped'd

Dammit.

Pretty sure I'm confusing it with a Homer line from a Sideshow Bob episode.

Sad, too, because in person I do a pretty good Barney Gumble.

I know.  Shocking.

...and the hole gets deeper.

Damn if this doesn't get me every time.

Me too. It's pretty much the only light in my sad pathetic internet life.

I literally burst out laughing when I saw this was the response.

It's outstanding.  Whenever the full-size version comes up, I run to the kitchen and grab a glass of water just so I can do a spit-take.  If this is a Morts creation, kudos.

[Internet Apex]

Just had an In-N-Out burger...good shit.

Best. Burger. Ever.

Worst. Fries. Ever.

Yeah, fries were meh.  Also, best ever?  Meh.  It was good.  But best ever?

Seems this would need a qualifier to begin with.  I've never had In-N-Out but I would dismiss such a claim immediately, unless it was in the category of "fast food" burgers.  No way can it be better than the burgers you get at various sit-down restaurants in Chicago alone.  

Even in the category of "fast food" burgers or burgers from national/regional chains, it must be pretty goddamned good if it's better then Five Guys.

I'll take you to a hole in the wall bar in the middle of West Bumblefuck and order you a cheeseburger for two dollars that will knock In N Out's shit out of the fuckin' box, piss on it, wipe it's ass with it and throw it at a cop. And the fries are cut from actual potatos, right on the spot, bitch.

Then I may or may not fuck you in the ass.

[Tonker]

Just had an In-N-Out burger...good shit.

Best. Burger. Ever.

Worst. Fries. Ever.

Yeah, fries were meh.  Also, best ever?  Meh.  It was good.  But best ever?

Seems this would need a qualifier to begin with.  I've never had In-N-Out but I would dismiss such a claim immediately, unless it was in the category of "fast food" burgers.  No way can it be better than the burgers you get at various sit-down restaurants in Chicago alone.  

Even in the category of "fast food" burgers or burgers from national/regional chains, it must be pretty goddamned good if it's better then Five Guys.

I'll take you to a hole in the wall bar in the middle of West Bumblefuck and order you a cheeseburger for two dollars that will knock In N Out's shit out of the fuckin' box, piss on it, wipe it's ass with it and throw it at a cop. And the fries are cut from actual potatos, right on the spot, bitch.

Then I may or may not fuck you in the ass.

Well.  You don't get an offer like that every day.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Geez how can I resist?

[Quality Start Machine]

Just had an In-N-Out burger...good shit.

Best. Burger. Ever.

Worst. Fries. Ever.

Yeah, fries were meh.  Also, best ever?  Meh.  It was good.  But best ever?

Seems this would need a qualifier to begin with.  I've never had In-N-Out but I would dismiss such a claim immediately, unless it was in the category of "fast food" burgers.  No way can it be better than the burgers you get at various sit-down restaurants in Chicago alone.  

Even in the category of "fast food" burgers or burgers from national/regional chains, it must be pretty goddamned good if it's better then Five Guys.

I'll take you to a hole in the wall bar in the middle of West Bumblefuck and order you a cheeseburger for two dollars that will knock In N Out's shit out of the fuckin' box, piss on it, wipe it's ass with it and throw it at a cop. And the fries are cut from actual potatos, right on the spot, bitch.

Then I may or may not fuck you in the ass.

Well.  You don't get an offer like that every day.

Speak for yourself.

[Slaky]

Just had an In-N-Out burger...good shit.

Best. Burger. Ever.

Worst. Fries. Ever.

Yeah, fries were meh.  Also, best ever?  Meh.  It was good.  But best ever?

Seems this would need a qualifier to begin with.  I've never had In-N-Out but I would dismiss such a claim immediately, unless it was in the category of "fast food" burgers.  No way can it be better than the burgers you get at various sit-down restaurants in Chicago alone.  

Even in the category of "fast food" burgers or burgers from national/regional chains, it must be pretty goddamned good if it's better then Five Guys.

I'll take you to a hole in the wall bar in the middle of West Bumblefuck and order you a cheeseburger for two dollars that will knock In N Out's shit out of the fuckin' box, piss on it, wipe it's ass with it and throw it at a cop. And the fries are cut from actual potatos, right on the spot, bitch.

Then I may or may not fuck you in the ass.

Well.  You don't get an offer like that every day.

I heard different about Blues fans.

The only true part of that meth-inspired rant was the assfucking. Apex will drive you home, if you know what I mean.

[Internet Apex]

Geez how can I resist?

You can't.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-brick-jonesville

"Don' t order french fries because they don't have them."

I misremembered. The prices went up too. It's $3.50 for the deluxe cheeseburger. The assfucking is real though. I promise.

[Oleg]

A list.

[Slaky]

A list.

Epic Burger should be nowhere near that list. What should be on that list is J. Wellington's. I urge you all to go there if you can find a minute.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

A list.

Epic Burger should be nowhere near that list. What should be on that list is J. Wellington's. I urge you all to go there if you can find a minute.

Appreciate the recommendation.

Yeah, I was gonna say that list sucks.  Anyone who knows anything about Chicago knows that the Billy Goat burger, compared to all of the choices in Chicago, sucks a real billy goat's left nut.  If you're visiting Chicago, then yeah check out the Billy Goat on Hubbard under the Michigan Avenue bridge, have a beer and a burger, but bear in mind you're doing it for the ambience and the kitsch--not for a particularly special burger.  The various Billy Goats are actually good places to hit up for an omelette and hash brown breakfast but their burger should be nowhere near anyone's top burger list for Chicago.  Also, Five Guys--while outstanding--is a chain that's based in Pennsylvania.  In the same vein, I guess Portillo's can stay.  Even though it's a chain, it's a local chain, although if your not getting a beef or beef/sausage combo, you're a dope.  In fairness, though, I've never had Portillo's burger.  

M Burger--isn't that also a chain?

I've been to the Grafton several times, never knew their burger was so special but it least it's an original Chicago place.  What's not on the list but should be is the Hop Haus.  There's one at Clark and Howard in Rogers Park and one on Franklin and Grand in River North.  That's one of the best burgers I've ever had.

Point is, that list is only half-way accurate.  Thanks, Oleg.  Thanks a lot for another useless HuffPo link.

[Bort]

A list.

Epic Burger should be nowhere near that list. What should be on that list is J. Wellington's. I urge you all to go there if you can find a minute.

Appreciate the recommendation.

Yeah, I was gonna say that list sucks.  Anyone who knows anything about Chicago knows that the Billy Goat burger, compared to all of the choices in Chicago, sucks a real billy goat's left nut.  If you're visiting Chicago, then yeah check out the Billy Goat on Hubbard under the Michigan Avenue bridge, have a beer and a burger, but bear in mind you're doing it for the ambience and the kitsch--not for a particularly special burger.  The various Billy Goats are actually good places to hit up for an omelette and hash brown breakfast but their burger should be nowhere near anyone's top burger list for Chicago.  Also, Five Guys--while outstanding--is a chain that's based in Pennsylvania.  In the same vein, I guess Portillo's can stay.  Even though it's a chain, it's a local chain, although if your not getting a beef or beef/sausage combo, you're a dope.  In fairness, though, I've never had Portillo's burger.  

M Burger--isn't that also a chain?

I've been to the Grafton several times, never knew their burger was so special but it least it's an original Chicago place.  What's not on the list but should be is the Hop Haus.  There's one at Clark and Howard in Rogers Park and one on Franklin and Grand in River North.  That's one of the best burgers I've ever had.

Point is, that list is only half-way accurate.  Thanks, Oleg.  Thanks a lot for another useless HuffPo link.

The PANK helmet is so Huey doesn't hurt himself stepping off his soapbox.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

A list.

Epic Burger should be nowhere near that list. What should be on that list is J. Wellington's. I urge you all to go there if you can find a minute.

Appreciate the recommendation.

Yeah, I was gonna say that list sucks.  Anyone who knows anything about Chicago knows that the Billy Goat burger, compared to all of the choices in Chicago, sucks a real billy goat's left nut.  If you're visiting Chicago, then yeah check out the Billy Goat on Hubbard under the Michigan Avenue bridge, have a beer and a burger, but bear in mind you're doing it for the ambience and the kitsch--not for a particularly special burger.  The various Billy Goats are actually good places to hit up for an omelette and hash brown breakfast but their burger should be nowhere near anyone's top burger list for Chicago.  Also, Five Guys--while outstanding--is a chain that's based in Pennsylvania.  In the same vein, I guess Portillo's can stay.  Even though it's a chain, it's a local chain, although if your not getting a beef or beef/sausage combo, you're a dope.  In fairness, though, I've never had Portillo's burger.  

M Burger--isn't that also a chain?

I've been to the Grafton several times, never knew their burger was so special but it least it's an original Chicago place.  What's not on the list but should be is the Hop Haus.  There's one at Clark and Howard in Rogers Park and one on Franklin and Grand in River North.  That's one of the best burgers I've ever had.

Point is, that list is only half-way accurate.  Thanks, Oleg.  Thanks a lot for another useless HuffPo link.

The PANK helmet is so Huey doesn't hurt himself stepping off his soapbox.

So you *like* the Billy Goat burger then?

[Bort]

A list.

Epic Burger should be nowhere near that list. What should be on that list is J. Wellington's. I urge you all to go there if you can find a minute.

Appreciate the recommendation.

Yeah, I was gonna say that list sucks.  Anyone who knows anything about Chicago knows that the Billy Goat burger, compared to all of the choices in Chicago, sucks a real billy goat's left nut.  If you're visiting Chicago, then yeah check out the Billy Goat on Hubbard under the Michigan Avenue bridge, have a beer and a burger, but bear in mind you're doing it for the ambience and the kitsch--not for a particularly special burger.  The various Billy Goats are actually good places to hit up for an omelette and hash brown breakfast but their burger should be nowhere near anyone's top burger list for Chicago.  Also, Five Guys--while outstanding--is a chain that's based in Pennsylvania.  In the same vein, I guess Portillo's can stay.  Even though it's a chain, it's a local chain, although if your not getting a beef or beef/sausage combo, you're a dope.  In fairness, though, I've never had Portillo's burger.  

M Burger--isn't that also a chain?

I've been to the Grafton several times, never knew their burger was so special but it least it's an original Chicago place.  What's not on the list but should be is the Hop Haus.  There's one at Clark and Howard in Rogers Park and one on Franklin and Grand in River North.  That's one of the best burgers I've ever had.

Point is, that list is only half-way accurate.  Thanks, Oleg.  Thanks a lot for another useless HuffPo link.

The PANK helmet is so Huey doesn't hurt himself stepping off his soapbox.

So you *like* the Billy Goat burger then?

No. I *like* it when you get riled up over something Chicago-related.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

A list.

Epic Burger should be nowhere near that list. What should be on that list is J. Wellington's. I urge you all to go there if you can find a minute.

Appreciate the recommendation.

Yeah, I was gonna say that list sucks.  Anyone who knows anything about Chicago knows that the Billy Goat burger, compared to all of the choices in Chicago, sucks a real billy goat's left nut.  If you're visiting Chicago, then yeah check out the Billy Goat on Hubbard under the Michigan Avenue bridge, have a beer and a burger, but bear in mind you're doing it for the ambience and the kitsch--not for a particularly special burger.  The various Billy Goats are actually good places to hit up for an omelette and hash brown breakfast but their burger should be nowhere near anyone's top burger list for Chicago.  Also, Five Guys--while outstanding--is a chain that's based in Pennsylvania.  In the same vein, I guess Portillo's can stay.  Even though it's a chain, it's a local chain, although if your not getting a beef or beef/sausage combo, you're a dope.  In fairness, though, I've never had Portillo's burger.  

M Burger--isn't that also a chain?

I've been to the Grafton several times, never knew their burger was so special but it least it's an original Chicago place.  What's not on the list but should be is the Hop Haus.  There's one at Clark and Howard in Rogers Park and one on Franklin and Grand in River North.  That's one of the best burgers I've ever had.

Point is, that list is only half-way accurate.  Thanks, Oleg.  Thanks a lot for another useless HuffPo link.

The PANK helmet is so Huey doesn't hurt himself stepping off his soapbox.

So you *like* the Billy Goat burger then?

No. I *like* it when you get riled up over something Chicago-related.

Well excuse *me* for having some civic pride, you confederate dandy.