CIN, HOU, MIL, PIT, CHC all pisspoor in 2009.

[Philberto]

And the Cubs aren't?

[RV]

We should have known better than to doubt Phildo and his klaxon warnings of the SNEAK ATTACK. Wandy and the Buttwipes have been playing well since their 7 game skidmark at the end of May:

Asstrolls              31-19
Gutless Assholes  25-22
Tards                 23-27
McCLUNGS          21-27
Fightin' Hairstons  18-30

[*In a Nutsack]

We should have known better than to doubt Phildo and his klaxon warnings of the SNEAK ATTACK. Wandy and the Buttwipes have been playing well since their 7 game skidmark at the end of May:

Asstrolls              31-19
Gutless Assholes  25-22
Tards                 23-27
McCLUNGS          21-27
Fightin' Hairstons  18-30

That's a failure pile in a sadness bowl.  (I heard that bit the other day, but for the life of me can't remember the source...Patton Oswalt?)  At least Soriano is turning the corner this month...or, maybe just having a decent month:  .321 .379 .491 .870.  Bradley...notsomuch:  .220 .429 .317 .746.  Even if one of them can get hot the second half, the division is the Cubs' to lose still.  I'm not so sure all the Julio Lugos and Chris Costes of the world are going to put up much of a fight to stop it.  For Gord's sake, I'm tired of the .500 pussyfootin' of mysery so far this year.

[Weebs]

We should have known better than to doubt Phildo and his klaxon warnings of the SNEAK ATTACK. Wandy and the Buttwipes have been playing well since their 7 game skidmark at the end of May:

Asstrolls              31-19
Gutless Assholes  25-22
Tards                 23-27
McCLUNGS          21-27
Fightin' Hairstons  18-30

That's a failure pile in a sadness bowl.  (I heard that bit the other day, but for the life of me can't remember the source...Patton Oswalt?)  At least Soriano is turning the corner this month...or, maybe just having a decent month:  .321 .379 .491 .870.  Bradley...notsomuch:  .220 .429 .317 .746.  Even if one of them can get hot the second half, the division is the Cubs' to lose still.  I'm not so sure all the Julio Lugos and Chris Costes of the world are going to put up much of a fight to stop it.  For Gord's sake, I'm tired of the .500 pussyfootin' of mysery so far this year.

.429 OBP despite hitting .220?  Put that psychopath in the one or two hole and he'll actually be of some use to this team.

[*In a Nutsack]

We should have known better than to doubt Phildo and his klaxon warnings of the SNEAK ATTACK. Wandy and the Buttwipes have been playing well since their 7 game skidmark at the end of May:

Asstrolls              31-19
Gutless Assholes  25-22
Tards                 23-27
McCLUNGS          21-27
Fightin' Hairstons  18-30

That's a failure pile in a sadness bowl.  (I heard that bit the other day, but for the life of me can't remember the source...Patton Oswalt?)  At least Soriano is turning the corner this month...or, maybe just having a decent month:  .321 .379 .491 .870.  Bradley...notsomuch:  .220 .429 .317 .746.  Even if one of them can get hot the second half, the division is the Cubs' to lose still.  I'm not so sure all the Julio Lugos and Chris Costes of the world are going to put up much of a fight to stop it.  For Gord's sake, I'm tired of the .500 pussyfootin' of mysery so far this year.

.429 OBP despite hitting .220?  Put that psychopath in the one or two hole and he'll actually be of some use to this team.

Holy hell...is Weebs...right?  Fuck it.  I agree with Weebs.

[Eli]

Holy hell...is Weebs...right?  Fuck it.  I agree with Weebs.

Yes, he's right.  As disappointing as Bradley has been, he's still tied with Fuku for the best OBP on the team.  Those two should be hitting 1-2 in the order. 

[ChuckD]

Holy hell...is Weebs...right?  Fuck it.  I agree with Weebs.

Yes, he's right.  As disappointing as Bradley has been, he's still tied with Fuku for the best OBP on the team.  Those two should be hitting 1-2 in the order. 

BUT HE'S HITTING 220 AND HE'S NOT FAST.

[Weebs]

Holy hell...is Weebs...right?  Fuck it.  I agree with Weebs.

Yes, he's right.  As disappointing as Bradley has been, he's still tied with Fuku for the best OBP on the team.  Those two should be hitting 1-2 in the order. 

BUT HE'S HITTING 220 AND HE'S NOT FAST.

HE'S ALSO NOT A SECOND BASEMAN!

[MAD]

Bat him second against righties, bat him fifth or sixth against lefties, but for the love of gord, please stop putting Reed Johnson or Micah Poofpower in the lineup in his place against righties.  It makes my intestines cry.

[Andy]

Standings since July 1

HOU  13-6      --
CHC  12-7     1
STL  10-8     2.5
CIN  7-12     6
PIT  6-12     6.5
MIL  6-12     6.5

If the Cubs don't win this thing, we should burn down the historical landmark with Hendry in it.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Standings since July 1

HOU  13-6      --
CHC  12-7     1
STL  10-8     2.5
CIN  7-12     6
PIT  6-12     6.5
MIL  6-12     6.5

If the Cubs don't win this thing, we should burn down the historical landmark with Hendry in it.

If they win it, too.

[Quality Start Machine]

Standings since July 1

HOU  13-6      --
CHC  12-7     1
STL  10-8     2.5
CIN  7-12     6
PIT  6-12     6.5
MIL  6-12     6.5

If the Cubs don't win this thing, we should burn down the historical landmark with Hendry in it.

If they win it, too.

What if they win it The Right Way?

[Internet Apex]

Bat him second against righties, bat him fifth or sixth against lefties, but for the love of gord, please stop putting Reed Johnson or Micah Poofpower in the lineup in his place against righties.  It makes my intestines cry.

Snicker.

[Internet Apex]

Standings since July 1

HOU  13-6      --
CHC  12-7     1
STL  10-8     2.5
CIN  7-12     6
PIT  6-12     6.5
MIL  6-12     6.5

If the Cubs don't win this thing, we should burn down the historical landmark with Hendry in it.

Wait, where would they play in Aug. and Sept. if they don't win THI thing and we burn the sumbitch? If you say the Cell or Miller Park I'm cancelling my subscription.

[Quality Start Machine]

The Cubs have played like runny buffalo shit all season, yet have lost less games than anyone else in the NL Central.

Their core players, with the exception of Derrek Lee, have not played up to their normal level.

Everyone chill the fuck out, they got this.