BananaHands Was Next on His List

[RV]

If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html

Nash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."

The chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.

I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.

[Slaky]

The Chimp Ate Her Hands Off is the next great band name.

[powen01]

If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html

Nash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."

The chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.

I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.

Sounds like some kind of hippy fruitcake... 

[Tank]

If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat upside down BudVisor.

Better bring a sharp knife'd

[powen01]

DPD:  My morning alarm is a clock/radio.  Today, I awoke to the sounds of a Brit accent screaming that a chimp had killed someone's friend, a 911 operator asking the person what the hell was going on, and a chimp screaming its brains off in the background.  Surreal.  I love the local radio stations.

[Tank]

RV... How did you decide which paragraphs to quote?

Because almost every single sentence in this story is gold...

Travis' body was removed from the home and taken to two locations: His head was taken to the state lab for a rabies test and the body was taken to the University of Connecticut for an animal autopsy. Conklin said this is standard procedure.

[RV]

RV... How did you decide which paragraphs to quote?

Because almost every single sentence in this story is gold...

Travis' body was removed from the home and taken to two locations: His head was taken to the state lab for a rabies test and the body was taken to the University of Connecticut for an animal autopsy. Conklin said this is standard procedure.

It was a tough decision. Almost as tough as choosing which new haircut you want: the perm that will invoke memories of Sigourney Weaver's 80s-era beauty, or the bowl cut that will provoke a chimp to eat your face off.

[TDubbs]

If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html

Nash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."

The chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.

I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.

I want to say a joke about how this sounds like my latest masturbatory adventure, but I can't quite find the words.  Dammit.  Post, wasted.

[ChuckD]

Fucking. Awesome.

Conklin said Nash had recently gotten a haircut that changed her appearance significantly. Conklin said the chimp had been acting "rambunctious" earlier, prompting Herold to put Xanax in a cup of tea for him to drink. He did not know if the animal had been prescribed the medicine or if Herold had ever given her pet such a mixture before.

[Tank]

If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html

Nash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."

The chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.

I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.

I want to say a joke about how this sounds like my latest masturbatory adventure, but I can't quite find the words.  Dammit.  Post, wasted.

Thanks for the input, IAN.

Also:

Herold had called Nash to her house to help get 14-year-old Travis back inside after he used a key to escape.

[CBStew]

Is it almost time for baseball to start again?

[butthead]

So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?

[Philberto]

If this face-eating chimp isn't 2009's story of the year, I'll eat Tdubbs' hat.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/17/chimpanzee.attack/index.html

Nash had just arrived at Herold's house when Travis jumped on her and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands, according to Stamford Police Capt. Rich Conklin. Conklin said the attack was unprovoked, but he described it as "brutal and lengthy."

The chimp, who was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash, also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote, according to a Stamford Advocate article. The paper also reported that Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner's horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.

I think I'm most anxious to find out how this story fits in with Yeti's theory of evolution.

Umm.... The Creation Machine churned and it produced some numbers and a comment. It said "42" and "Did this story truly happen or was it made up by those wacky Evolutionists.

So this story pretty much proves Yeti's argument against evolution, right?

Yes

[Gil Gunderson]

Is it almost time for baseball to start again?

It damn well better be.  Monkey stories can only take us so far, you know.

I was also going to make a joke about Furious George, but I figured I'd leave it to Tank.

[Tank]

Is it almost time for baseball to start again?

It damn well better be.  Monkey stories can only take us so far, you know.

I was also going to make a joke about Furious George, but I figured I'd leave it to Tank.

Gil, this monkey's going to need most of your skin.