Crazy Uncle Milton's Shot Blasting Sploogefest Emporium

[Oleg]

The fact that he's starting to hit doesn't erase the fact that, on a daily basis, he does things so stupid that a Little Leaguer would get benched for it.

No he doesn't.

So far, yelling at an umpire and heaving a ball into the stands are the only things he's done that would get a little leaguer benched. Where does that rank him on the list of Criminally Baseball Stupid for 2009? He's no Michael Barrett.

Saturday he got thrown out at third for the final out in an inning (trying to take an extra base on a ball where the RF was running in to field it), running through Quade's stop sign (he had his arms up), causing the second-fattest male (23rd overall) in section 511 to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as soon as he rounded second. The man can flat-out rake, but he's dumb as a sack of hammers.

So that makes Theriot stupid beyond recognition.

I never said Theriot wasn't stupid. I also don't think either of them are in the Ronnie Cedeno class. That is a very special kind of stupid.

When the extra base hits start piling up for Milt - you, Chuck and MikeC can chew on a tuft of Milt's yanked pubes.

PenFoe, too.

[CT III]

The fact that he's starting to hit doesn't erase the fact that, on a daily basis, he does things so stupid that a Little Leaguer would get benched for it.

No he doesn't.

So far, yelling at an umpire and heaving a ball into the stands are the only things he's done that would get a little leaguer benched. Where does that rank him on the list of Criminally Baseball Stupid for 2009? He's no Michael Barrett.

Saturday he got thrown out at third for the final out in an inning (trying to take an extra base on a ball where the RF was running in to field it), running through Quade's stop sign (he had his arms up), causing the second-fattest male (23rd overall) in section 511 to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as soon as he rounded second. The man can flat-out rake, but he's dumb as a sack of hammers.

So that makes Theriot stupid beyond recognition.

I never said Theriot wasn't stupid. I also don't think either of them are in the Ronnie Cedeno class. That is a very special kind of stupid.

When the extra base hits start piling up for Milt - you, Chuck and MikeC can chew on a tuft of Milt's yanked pubes.

PenFoe, too.

And when Hendry trades him to the AL for the 3rd year of his deal and Milton comes back to play the Cubs during interleague play you can give him a standing ovation when he comes to bat with the go ahead run on...

...ah fuck it.

I really don't care one way or the other, I'm just sick of the whole damn thing.

[Chuck to Chuck]

And when Hendry trades him to the AL for the 3rd year of his deal and Milton comes back to play the Cubs during interleague play you can give him a standing ovation when he comes to bat with the go ahead run on...

If Hendry's still part of the Cubs in 2011, it's because Sam Zell discovered a passion for baseball that bankruptcy court couldn't cure or he's charting high school pitchers with Ed Lynch.

[PenFoe]

The fact that he's starting to hit doesn't erase the fact that, on a daily basis, he does things so stupid that a Little Leaguer would get benched for it.

No he doesn't.

So far, yelling at an umpire and heaving a ball into the stands are the only things he's done that would get a little leaguer benched. Where does that rank him on the list of Criminally Baseball Stupid for 2009? He's no Michael Barrett.

Saturday he got thrown out at third for the final out in an inning (trying to take an extra base on a ball where the RF was running in to field it), running through Quade's stop sign (he had his arms up), causing the second-fattest male (23rd overall) in section 511 to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as soon as he rounded second. The man can flat-out rake, but he's dumb as a sack of hammers.

So that makes Theriot stupid beyond recognition.

I never said Theriot wasn't stupid. I also don't think either of them are in the Ronnie Cedeno class. That is a very special kind of stupid.

When the extra base hits start piling up for Milt - you, Chuck and MikeC can chew on a tuft of Milt's yanked pubes.

PenFoe, too.

Oleg is correct, I was against this signing and have remained skeptical of Milton's worthiness.
That said, I hope he shoves it all back in my face for the rest of this year and the 2 to come.

[MAD]

And when Hendry trades him to the AL for the 3rd year of his deal and Milton comes back to play the Cubs during interleague play you can give him a standing ovation when he comes to bat with the go ahead run on...

If Hendry's still part of the Cubs in 2011, it's because Sam Zell discovered a passion for baseball that bankruptcy court couldn't cure or he's charting high school pitchers with Ed Lynch.

Yes, Chuck.  Because CT deserved to be taken literally, and not satirically.

Do you also ruin Looney Tunes for your kids by telling them that a talking rabbit is not possible?

[Quality Start Machine]

The fact that he's starting to hit doesn't erase the fact that, on a daily basis, he does things so stupid that a Little Leaguer would get benched for it.

No he doesn't.

So far, yelling at an umpire and heaving a ball into the stands are the only things he's done that would get a little leaguer benched. Where does that rank him on the list of Criminally Baseball Stupid for 2009? He's no Michael Barrett.

Saturday he got thrown out at third for the final out in an inning (trying to take an extra base on a ball where the RF was running in to field it), running through Quade's stop sign (he had his arms up), causing the second-fattest male (23rd overall) in section 511 to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as soon as he rounded second. The man can flat-out rake, but he's dumb as a sack of hammers.

So that makes Theriot stupid beyond recognition.

I never said Theriot wasn't stupid. I also don't think either of them are in the Ronnie Cedeno class. That is a very special kind of stupid.

When the extra base hits start piling up for Milt - you, Chuck and MikeC can chew on a tuft of Milt's yanked pubes.

I said he could hit. He is just going to speed up the aging process I already am well into.

[Slaky]

And when Hendry trades him to the AL for the 3rd year of his deal and Milton comes back to play the Cubs during interleague play you can give him a standing ovation when he comes to bat with the go ahead run on...

If Hendry's still part of the Cubs in 2011, it's because Sam Zell discovered a passion for baseball that bankruptcy court couldn't cure or he's charting high school pitchers with Ed Lynch.

Yes, Chuck.  Because CT deserved to be taken literally, and not satirically.

Do you also ruin Looney Tunes for your kids by telling them that a talking rabbit is not possible?

I bet he does do that. Only when he tells these kids he uses the word "feasible".

[Eli]

And when Hendry trades him to the AL for the 3rd year of his deal and Milton comes back to play the Cubs during interleague play you can give him a standing ovation when he comes to bat with the go ahead run on...

If Hendry's still part of the Cubs in 2011, it's because Sam Zell discovered a passion for baseball that bankruptcy court couldn't cure or he's charting high school pitchers with Ed Lynch.

Yes, Chuck.  Because CT deserved to be taken literally, and not satirically.

Do you also ruin Looney Tunes for your kids by telling them that a talking rabbit is not possible?

That doesn't even get at the fact -- while we're being literal here -- that the Cubs could do a lot worse than Jim Hendry as GM.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Do you also ruin Looney Tunes for your kids by telling them that a talking rabbit is not possible?

We prefer Tom and Jerry.

They don't talk.

(Kinda ironic coming from me, no?)

And, while the Cubs could do worse than Hendry (and they have), they could also do much better.

[Quality Start Machine]

Do you also ruin Looney Tunes for your kids by telling them that a talking rabbit is not possible?

We prefer Tom and Jerry.

They don't talk.

(Kinda ironic coming from me, no?)

And, while the Cubs could do worse than Hendry (and they have), they could also do much better.

give us names.

[Andy]

Jim Finks (hey, it worked last time)

[Brownie]

And when Hendry trades him to the AL for the 3rd year of his deal and Milton comes back to play the Cubs during interleague play you can give him a standing ovation when he comes to bat with the go ahead run on...

If Hendry's still part of the Cubs in 2011, it's because Sam Zell discovered a passion for baseball that bankruptcy court couldn't cure or he's charting high school pitchers with Ed Lynch.

Yes, Chuck.  Because CT deserved to be taken literally, and not satirically.

Do you also ruin Looney Tunes for your kids by telling them that a talking rabbit is not possible?

That doesn't even get at the fact -- while we're being literal here -- that the Cubs could do a lot worse than Jim Hendry as GM.

This.

His track record's putrid. Took over from MacPhail in 2002 after Baylor got canned...

-2003: Division title.. Noteworthy: dumped Hundley for two useful players and acquired Aramis/Lofton for useless players. Hired Dusty.
-2004: 89-win team, collapsed in final week to avoid playoffs. Noteworthy: Acquired Maddux, traded for Nomar, traded Hee Seop Choi for Derrek Lee. Signed LaTroy Hawkins. Traded for Michael Barrett
-2005: Mediocre team. Noteworthy: Dumped Sosa, but instead of signing Beltran, Ordonez, et al, went for Jeromy Burnitz.  Dumped Hawkins for two generally useless players. Traded for Matt Lawton. Signed Hank White.
-2006: Shitty team. Noteworthy: Signed Howry and Eyre. Signed John Mabry. Traded for Phil Nevin. Dealt Maddux to LA for Cesar Izturis. Traded Todd Walker. Signed Jacque Jones.
-2007: Team comes back from crappy start to win division (and get swept). Noteworthy: Signs Ted Lilly (while nearly dying). Signs Jason Marquis. Signs Alfonso Soriano. Signs Jesus of Nazereth Barack Obama Chuck Norris Mark DeRosa. Unloads Korey Patterson. Axes Dusty. Decides against Girardi (the fan's choice) and goes for Piniella (note: Girardi has made 0 postseason appearances since then). Trades Barrett. Trades for Jason Kendall. Signs Darryle Ward.
-2008: Team was the balls in regular season, swept again in playoffs. Noteworthy: Signs Kosuke. Lets Jacque Jones walk. Signs JI to play center. Signs Reed Johnson off waiver wire. Gives up on Rich Hill. Trades for Rich Harden. Gets a useful year out of Wood as closer. Allows for Geo Soto to take over as everyday catcher. Misses on acquiring Roberts, Sabbathia.
-2009: Jury still out. Lets Howry, Wood, Edmonds walk. Signs Milton Bradley. Signs Aaron Miles. Lets Hank White walk. Lets Darryle Ward walk. Trades for Kevin Gregg. Trades Mark DeRosa. Misses acquiring Jake Peavy.  Trades for Ryan Freel.

That's six full seasons and 3 playoff appearances and a 6-12 record in the postseason. An average of 84 wins per season. Not terrible. 2005 and 2006 were his worst seasons, and maybe he learned something as he was held hostage by Dusty and Prior and Wood.

[fiveouts]

His time has also coincided with the largest ever gains in Cubs payroll, coupled with a drawdown in the payroll of their chief rival, the Cardinals.  And the fact that he's managed to do this by locking into massively long contracts complete with no-trade clauses makes the next several years look interesting, to say the least. 

I think the word "mediocre" was created to describe GMs like Jim Hendry.  Not to go all former-letter, but Theo Epstein he ain't. 

[Brownie]

The next two years (2010 and 2011) look interesting. Beyond that, the problem will be Soriano's contract. Beyond that...

- You have Zambrano's contract through 2012.
- You have Ramirez through 2011 (and then they'll have to break the bank to keep him)
-  Lee's a free agent after next year (Au revoir, Derrek)
-  Lilly's a free agent after next year (See ya later, Ted)
-  Kosuke is around until 2011 (if he doesn't decide to return to Japan or if he doesn't agree to a trade)
-  Dempster's here through 2012 (not great)
-  Bradley's probably here in 2011
-  Szamardzija's here in 2011.

I think you'll see Zambrano offer to defer some money if the team's handcuffed in 2011 and 2012. Ditto Dempster. If the team's worth a shit. Otherwise, Zambrano will stew (and cash his checks) and Dempster will play out the string. You have $33 MM invested in these two stooges. If they pitch like it's 2008, it's not a bad deal.

Ramirez will be tough to re-sign, and that will be a tough blow. But then again, he'll be 33 during the 2011-2012 offseason. Lilly will be muy expensive, although again, so don't count on him here in 2011.

A lot depends on a new owner. Hendry did what was asked of him. From 2003-2006 Cubs payroll didn't move out of line relative to others. It was 2007- when apparently TribCo greenlighted him to spend (other people's money, they presumed).

[Eli]

Ramirez will be tough to re-sign, and that will be a tough blow. But then again, he'll be 33 during the 2011-2012 offseason.

If Vitters keeps progressing like he has been, it'll be an easy decision to let Ramirez walk away.