The Unresolved Bullpen Angst Thread

[Slaky]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

Slak was a dillitante in the summer league, so shall he be again.

Slak's playoff beard will drink the club soda of the nonbelievers.

Slak's playoff beard is a ShamWOW!

Uh, hello? I'm right here.

[Jon]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

Slak was a dillitante in the summer league, so shall he be again.

Slak's playoff beard will drink the club soda of the nonbelievers.

Slak's playoff beard is a ShamWOW!

Uh, hello? I'm right here.

Prove it, Romeo.

[MAD]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

[Tinker to Evers to Chance]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

I figured he was "Bill's" cousin or something.

[Internet Apex]

I never understood what the hell Pre meant. But Lantz is a cool ass name. As in Lantz Briggs or Sir Lantz-a-lot or Lantz Negro.

[CBStew]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

I figured he was "Bill's" cousin or something.

He might be a friend of Bill, but given some of the mentioned names, I doubt it.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

[Internet Apex]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you.  

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

OH LAYINTZ! YOU'RE SO GENERISSS!!

[MAD]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

I had forgotten that Pre was at the rooftop game, probably due in small part to the excess amount of beer that he, himself, had generously provided.  So maybe there'd be like, 25 people who wouldn't know who Apex was referring to.

[Internet Apex]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

I had forgotten that Pre was at the rooftop game, probably due in small part to the excess amount of beer that he, himself, had generously provided.  So maybe there'd be like, 25 people who wouldn't know who Apex was referring to.

Those 25 people do now, smart aleck. Now get off my ass, send Lantz $40 and get your ass to 1st base two Mondays from now. It won't be any fun without you blasting every player on the team, their mothers and everything thing they hold dear on this earth after they make a physical error.

[MAD]

I meant "all but 25".

[Philberto]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

I had forgotten that Pre was at the rooftop game, probably due in small part to the excess amount of beer that he, himself, had generously provided.  So maybe there'd be like, 25 people who wouldn't know who Apex was referring to.

Based off of this, one could just have assumed CT was there

[Jon]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you. 

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

I had forgotten that Pre was at the rooftop game, probably due in small part to the excess amount of beer that he, himself, had generously provided.  So maybe there'd be like, 25 people who wouldn't know who Apex was referring to.

Based off of this, one could just have assumed CT was there

That looks like every picture of me taken at Kitty O'Sheas.

[Weebs]

Christ on a...

This is the Signature Thread of the 2009 Cubs. I hate it more than life itself. I'm dying to unlock the Turdthrow Thread. Dying.

But there's no point. Fuckall.

Football and hockey and sixteen inch softball. Say it with me. We're gonna make it.

You play? We could use a guy like you on our team.

What do you mean "our" team? This is me and Slaky and Lantz and Oleg and Weebs' team he's referring to. The one you said you'd rather pound penny nails into your junk than play for. We start our championship season in 11 days. That 18 week clusterfuck you were involved in? Training camp, old man. Thanks for helping with OTAs. We won't forget you.  

You're confusing your Desipio and real worlds there, pal.  All but about 9 people on this board may be wondering--if they're actually reading this--"Who the hell is Lantz?".

Is he the kind of guy who'd drop a c-note for beers he can't himself drink? Because, if so, you can call him whatever you want.

I had forgotten that Pre was at the rooftop game, probably due in small part to the excess amount of beer that he, himself, had generously provided.  So maybe there'd be like, 25 people who wouldn't know who Apex was referring to.

Based off of this, one could just have assumed CT was there

That looks like every picture of me taken at Kitty O'Sheas.

Another JOn sighting, as he approves of Oleg's failed attempt to bang that chick.

[Canadouche]

Another JOn sighting, as he approves of Oleg's failed attempt to bang that chick.

/fix'd