Randy Wells Splooge-a-thon

[powen01]

He's got some shit-talk to him and I strongly positive that from a guy with a sub-2.00 ERA.

As I typed it he was still pitching with a runner on. I wanted to still be right without actually doing math. It's a skill I've picked up.

And it's a good thing AssCan didn't get hurt or die recently, because it looks like he's actually quite good at baseball.

The AssCan has some massive huevos.

Put me down as leader of the AssCanista movement. Who the fuck's comin' with me?

[Internet Apex]

We get Kurt to put some wreck specs on that bad boy and we've got us a club. I'll get crackin' on the newsletter.

[Internet Apex]

EL ASSCANISTA
Vol. 1.

Fuck You and Everything You Love On This Earth

By: Andrew P. Peck, Editor

You know why the call him AssCan? Because his name is Ascanio He gets ass like a drink. You sit there at your desk and suck more Pepsi into your fat, sorry, do-nothing ass and wait to get laid off while Jose tastes the finest chicas our Latin American Brothers and Sisters could conceive in fits of their heated, habeniero-style passionate fuck trophying. Dusk til dawn, this man destroys these:



I don't want to see anybody get laid off unless they can get some good-paying under-the-table subcontracting gigs to hide from our commie government while they collect IDES dollars. I just want to see AssCan get the full time 7th inning gig while ONHELL cleans up after the elephant balls that Marmol totes around with him in whatever inning Carlos Lee or some other bastard bats in.

Shriek like a bitch. I'm gonna sip my Belgian and bellow my fat ass belches all the way to October.

VIVA LOS ASSCAN!

(awaits editing of Spanish from powen)  

[Slaky]

Maybe Lou will start using the Asscan a little more often - the dude sat around for a good week or so until today.

Angel Guzman? Fucking money.

[powen01]

EL ASSCANISTA
Vol. 1.

Fuck You and Everything You Love On This Earth

By: Andrew P. Peck, Editor

You know why the call him AssCan? Because his name is Ascanio He gets ass like a drink. You sit there at your desk and suck more Pepsi into your fat, sorry, do-nothing ass and wait to get laid off while Jose tastes the finest chicas our Latin American Brothers and Sisters could conceive in fits of their heated, habeniero-style passionate fuck trophying. Dusk til dawn, this man destroys these:



I don't want to see anybody get laid off unless they can get some good-paying under-the-table subcontracting gigs to hide from our commie government while they collect IDES dollars. I just want to see AssCan get the full time 7th inning gig while ONHELL cleans up after the elephant balls that Marmol totes around with him in whatever inning Carlos Lee or some other bastard bats in.

Shriek like a bitch. I'm gonna sip my Belgian and bellow my fat ass belches all the way to October.

VIVA LOS ASSCAN!

(awaits editing of Spanish from powen)  

I can only translate the above image, and it's screaming "Ayyyyyy Papi!!!" to me.

In the words of our esteemed President:



ASS WE CAN.

[Quality Start Machine]

Kurt's going to get his country renamed to AssCanada.

[Kermit, B.]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

[Poon]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

[Kermit, B.]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

[PenFoe]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

It was still a dumb decision to go to 3rd.

[Poon]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

It was still a dumb decision to go to 3rd.

I can't recall where the ball was picked up but couldn't they have pulled a double play on that?

[Kermit, B.]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

It was still a dumb decision to go to 3rd.

Why?  It should have been an out.

[PenFoe]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

It was still a dumb decision to go to 3rd.

Why?  It should have been an out.

Maybe it should have been an out, there's was no angle of the ball going in along with the foot.
Regardless, it was an questionable gamble. You don't go to third unless you're sure you're gonna get the guy.

[Tank]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

It was still a dumb decision to go to 3rd.

Why?  It should have been an out.

Maybe it should have been an out, there's was no angle of the ball going in along with the foot.
Regardless, it was an questionable gamble. You don't go to third unless you're sure you're gonna get the guy.

You are scum.

[Kermit, B.]

Get this dude a win, now. Please.  

EDIT: or don't. fuck it. it's not important.

Carlos Marmol and his Clown Car Antics don't feel it's important either.

Good job getting him out of there before it got really bad. Heilman did a nice job, hard as it is to admit.

I thought he had him at third, meaning he should have gotten out of that inning with Wells' win intact.

That should have been called an out on the force at third.  Especially since he didn't slide, the call should have been easier to make.

The ump was in a bad position to make the call either way, but it certainly looked like an out to me.

It was still a dumb decision to go to 3rd.

Why?  It should have been an out.

Maybe it should have been an out, there's was no angle of the ball going in along with the foot.
Regardless, it was an questionable gamble. You don't go to third unless you're sure you're gonna get the guy.

But considering the replay showed he DID get the guy, couldn't it be argued that he DID know he was gonna get the guy?