Score some fucking runs thread

[Kermit, B.]

Kap lost his mind during the first few minutes of SportsCentral. It nearly entered the territory of that Detroit talker who lost his mind talking about Michigan State blowing a big lead to Notre Dame a couple of years ago ("Pucker, Pucker...")...  Anyway, compared to Kap, today, here's what an Ivy Chat entry reads like:

Alfonso Soriano is a great baseball player, a great hitter, and a credit to the game. I love him. I shall never write anything bad about him.

So Kap is focusing all of his energy on Soriano, who is awful since April.  I agree with that. Kap then suggested Lou bench Soriano until Monday (if that short a time) and called for Jake Fox to be the new left fielder.

He then called out "Bad Kermit, whoever you are with the goofy nickname sending me e-mails everyday, who today said that Soriano had a good arm...." Kaplan reported to Kermit that the fourth anniversary is leather Soriano is a poor left fielder, because he is bad out there.  That's when I did what Kap could only dream of doing: I called the man of the goofy nickname and reported that Kaplan was ranting on Kermit. At this point, I had to lower my radio even more to hear Kermit because KAPLAN WAS SHOUTING!! (at this point, no doubt blaming Kermit and Jim Essian for the team's offensive woes).  After that, I was home, so I parked my car in the garage and went inside to talk to my wife, who had much better baseball insight than David Kaplan. She's also better looking, more interesting, would never ask Andy for his phone number, and cooks a decent meal.

Did anyone else hear Kaplan?

I think I've posted about four comments on his stupid blog, so it's hardly every day.  After TJ's tip, I tried to call in to Krap's show a couple of times.  I'm guessing they probably would have put me through, but I kept getting a busy signal.  I'm thrilled to death you heard this, TJ, but I have to ask.  Why in the hell were you listening to his show?  I seriously think middle-aged women, retired men, and Chuck comprise 95% of his audience.

[Slaky]

Kap lost his mind during the first few minutes of SportsCentral. It nearly entered the territory of that Detroit talker who lost his mind talking about Michigan State blowing a big lead to Notre Dame a couple of years ago ("Pucker, Pucker...")...  Anyway, compared to Kap, today, here's what an Ivy Chat entry reads like:

Alfonso Soriano is a great baseball player, a great hitter, and a credit to the game. I love him. I shall never write anything bad about him.

So Kap is focusing all of his energy on Soriano, who is awful since April.  I agree with that. Kap then suggested Lou bench Soriano until Monday (if that short a time) and called for Jake Fox to be the new left fielder.

He then called out "Bad Kermit, whoever you are with the goofy nickname sending me e-mails everyday, who today said that Soriano had a good arm...." Kaplan reported to Kermit that the fourth anniversary is leather Soriano is a poor left fielder, because he is bad out there.  That's when I did what Kap could only dream of doing: I called the man of the goofy nickname and reported that Kaplan was ranting on Kermit. At this point, I had to lower my radio even more to hear Kermit because KAPLAN WAS SHOUTING!! (at this point, no doubt blaming Kermit and Jim Essian for the team's offensive woes).  After that, I was home, so I parked my car in the garage and went inside to talk to my wife, who had much better baseball insight than David Kaplan. She's also better looking, more interesting, would never ask Andy for his phone number, and cooks a decent meal.

Did anyone else hear Kaplan?

I think I've posted about four comments on his stupid blog, so it's hardly every day.  After TJ's tip, I tried to call in to Krap's show a couple of times.  I'm guessing they probably would have put me through, but I kept getting a busy signal.  I'm thrilled to death you heard this, TJ, but I have to ask.  Why in the hell were you listening to his show?  I seriously think middle-aged women, retired men, and Chuck comprise 95% of his audience.

So he really mentioned you by fake name?

[Kermit, B.]

Kap lost his mind during the first few minutes of SportsCentral. It nearly entered the territory of that Detroit talker who lost his mind talking about Michigan State blowing a big lead to Notre Dame a couple of years ago ("Pucker, Pucker...")...  Anyway, compared to Kap, today, here's what an Ivy Chat entry reads like:

Alfonso Soriano is a great baseball player, a great hitter, and a credit to the game. I love him. I shall never write anything bad about him.

So Kap is focusing all of his energy on Soriano, who is awful since April.  I agree with that. Kap then suggested Lou bench Soriano until Monday (if that short a time) and called for Jake Fox to be the new left fielder.

He then called out "Bad Kermit, whoever you are with the goofy nickname sending me e-mails everyday, who today said that Soriano had a good arm...." Kaplan reported to Kermit that the fourth anniversary is leather Soriano is a poor left fielder, because he is bad out there.  That's when I did what Kap could only dream of doing: I called the man of the goofy nickname and reported that Kaplan was ranting on Kermit. At this point, I had to lower my radio even more to hear Kermit because KAPLAN WAS SHOUTING!! (at this point, no doubt blaming Kermit and Jim Essian for the team's offensive woes).  After that, I was home, so I parked my car in the garage and went inside to talk to my wife, who had much better baseball insight than David Kaplan. She's also better looking, more interesting, would never ask Andy for his phone number, and cooks a decent meal.

Did anyone else hear Kaplan?

I think I've posted about four comments on his stupid blog, so it's hardly every day.  After TJ's tip, I tried to call in to Krap's show a couple of times.  I'm guessing they probably would have put me through, but I kept getting a busy signal.  I'm thrilled to death you heard this, TJ, but I have to ask.  Why in the hell were you listening to his show?  I seriously think middle-aged women, retired men, and Chuck comprise 95% of his audience.

So he really mentioned you by fake name?

Unless TJ is a huge liar, yes.  He's also censoring comments on his blog (at least my comments).  What he was referring to yesterday that I emailed him about Soriano's arm was actually supposed to be a comment to his latest awful blog entry.  But the comment still isn't posted.  Andy's right.  The idiot just thinks I'm emailing him directly.

Chuck, can you please explain the internet to your brofriend?

[Brownie]

Kap lost his mind during the first few minutes of SportsCentral. It nearly entered the territory of that Detroit talker who lost his mind talking about Michigan State blowing a big lead to Notre Dame a couple of years ago ("Pucker, Pucker...")...  Anyway, compared to Kap, today, here's what an Ivy Chat entry reads like:

Alfonso Soriano is a great baseball player, a great hitter, and a credit to the game. I love him. I shall never write anything bad about him.

So Kap is focusing all of his energy on Soriano, who is awful since April.  I agree with that. Kap then suggested Lou bench Soriano until Monday (if that short a time) and called for Jake Fox to be the new left fielder.

He then called out "Bad Kermit, whoever you are with the goofy nickname sending me e-mails everyday, who today said that Soriano had a good arm...." Kaplan reported to Kermit that the fourth anniversary is leather Soriano is a poor left fielder, because he is bad out there.  That's when I did what Kap could only dream of doing: I called the man of the goofy nickname and reported that Kaplan was ranting on Kermit. At this point, I had to lower my radio even more to hear Kermit because KAPLAN WAS SHOUTING!! (at this point, no doubt blaming Kermit and Jim Essian for the team's offensive woes).  After that, I was home, so I parked my car in the garage and went inside to talk to my wife, who had much better baseball insight than David Kaplan. She's also better looking, more interesting, would never ask Andy for his phone number, and cooks a decent meal.

Did anyone else hear Kaplan?

I think I've posted about four comments on his stupid blog, so it's hardly every day.  After TJ's tip, I tried to call in to Krap's show a couple of times.  I'm guessing they probably would have put me through, but I kept getting a busy signal.  I'm thrilled to death you heard this, TJ, but I have to ask.  Why in the hell were you listening to his show?  I seriously think middle-aged women, retired men, and Chuck comprise 95% of his audience.

So he really mentioned you by fake name?

Yes, Kap said, "and, to you Bad Kermit, whoever you are with that goofy nickname e-mailing me everyday, you can talk all you want about Soriano's arm, but he's awful!" Then Kaplan stammered, sputtered and ranted some incoherent crap. Seriously, next to Kap, Banker Chuck is the President of the Alfonso Soriano Fan Club.

I listened to WGN only because I had WGN on during lunch listening to Santo bitch about how awful the Cubs hitters are.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Chuck, can you please explain the internet to your brofriend?

I can try, but give that the 7 to 9 block is generally homework-playing outside-bath time for the Murton's, I think you are overstating Kap's audience.  Last night was the first time I listened to him in weeks as I was in the car heading to a meeting and thought there might be some good lunacy to listen to.  I guess I missed it by about 10 minutes.

Banker Chuck is the President of the Alfonso Soriano Fan Club

Not many members left.  Thank god I got them to pay their 8 years of dues up front.

[smg]

Zambrano could kick the shit out of Aaron Miles tomorrow, and I know which side of the fence all of you's will be on.

But he won't.

Are you sure?

As we know from experience, that would be WAY more entertaining than the actual games these days.

[Brownie]

So Mike North was partying with Hernandez as far back as 1996.

Hernandez goes to jail in 1998.

North still decides to do business with the guy in 2009. So North's whole "How could I have known?!" shtick is bullshit.

If North somehow ends up getting charged with something and going to trial, this could provide months of entertainment awesome.

I'm still waiting for the soon-to-be unemployed Jen Patterson filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against Jiggetts for the "weiner" comment. After WGN signed off from the rain delay, I switched to CSN, which showed the 10th inning of the Cubs-Sox game in 2001 where Carlos Lee hit a grand slam in the 10th. After that was over, they went into Monsters in the Morning Primetime from the day before. I inexplicably stayed with it all the way to the "weiner" bit. Jiggets didn't just make one comment about "wait until you get finished with my weiner right here;" he made several, egging her on, "come see my weiner, etc., etc."  Kermit said a panicked camera guy panned down to a hot dog, but that's not entirely true. You see a panicked Jen Patterson put a hot dog in front of Jiggets, and that's the dog they showed (and that's why Jiggets hadn't yet consumed it). And at that point, Jiggets said, "No that's not my weiner. I never put onions on mine."

Jen, if you're out there, I'm sure I can line you up with a dream team of attorneys (and soon-to-be attorneys) who would love nothing more than to sue bothe Jiggets and North.

[Eli]

... the 7 to 9 block is generally homework-playing outside-bath time for the Murton's

So your kids play with their homework and take their baths outside?

[Chuck to Chuck]

Jen, if you're out there, I'm sure I can line you up with a dream team of attorneys (and soon-to-be attorneys) who would love nothing more than to sue bothe Jiggets and North.

Does Jiggets even have any assets to get at in a suit?  And, while North does, he may not for much longer.  Better hurry.

[Chuck to Chuck]

... the 7 to 9 block is generally homework-playing outside-bath time for the Murton's

So your kids play with their homework and take their baths outside?

Glenview only recently got indoor plumbing.  I'm waiting for TARP funds before I upgrade from the garden hose.

[Brownie]

Jen, if you're out there, I'm sure I can line you up with a dream team of attorneys (and soon-to-be attorneys) who would love nothing more than to sue bothe Jiggets and North.

Does Jiggets even have any assets to get at in a suit?  And, while North does, he may not for much longer.  Better hurry.

Jiggets thinks he's too big to fail and was set to receive a bailout.

[TDubbs]

Zambrano could kick the shit out of Aaron Miles tomorrow, and I know which side of the fence all of you's will be on.

But he won't.

Are you sure?

As we know from experience, that would be WAY more entertaining than the actual games these days.

Hi

[Wheezer]

So he really mentioned you by fake name?

Unless TJ is a huge liar, yes.

I was just settling in for a nap when I heard it.  When he came back from break, he made a point of remarking upon his "trying to get his blood pressure down" or some such (he did muster an impending-domestic-violence screech briefly).  What I don't recall is whether they ran the spot for the Soriano neuroblastoma benefit (for which Kaplan provides cheerful glue) in the mean time.

[Kermit, B.]

So Mike North was partying with Hernandez as far back as 1996.

Hernandez goes to jail in 1998.

North still decides to do business with the guy in 2009. So North's whole "How could I have known?!" shtick is bullshit.

If North somehow ends up getting charged with something and going to trial, this could provide months of entertainment awesome.

I'm still waiting for the soon-to-be unemployed Jen Patterson filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against Jiggetts for the "weiner" comment. After WGN signed off from the rain delay, I switched to CSN, which showed the 10th inning of the Cubs-Sox game in 2001 where Carlos Lee hit a grand slam in the 10th. After that was over, they went into Monsters in the Morning Primetime from the day before. I inexplicably stayed with it all the way to the "weiner" bit. Jiggets didn't just make one comment about "wait until you get finished with my weiner right here;" he made several, egging her on, "come see my weiner, etc., etc."  Kermit said a panicked camera guy panned down to a hot dog, but that's not entirely true. You see a panicked Jen Patterson put a hot dog in front of Jiggets, and that's the dog they showed (and that's why Jiggets hadn't yet consumed it). And at that point, Jiggets said, "No that's not my weiner. I never put onions on mine."

Jen, if you're out there, I'm sure I can line you up with a dream team of attorneys (and soon-to-be attorneys) who would love nothing more than to sue bothe Jiggets and North.

I seriously thought it was worse than I was remembering, so I'm glad you watched it for me.  I know my jaw dropped at whatever he said.  Literally.  I looked like a mouth-breather.

[Brownie]

So Mike North was partying with Hernandez as far back as 1996.

Hernandez goes to jail in 1998.

North still decides to do business with the guy in 2009. So North's whole "How could I have known?!" shtick is bullshit.

If North somehow ends up getting charged with something and going to trial, this could provide months of entertainment awesome.

I'm still waiting for the soon-to-be unemployed Jen Patterson filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against Jiggetts for the "weiner" comment. After WGN signed off from the rain delay, I switched to CSN, which showed the 10th inning of the Cubs-Sox game in 2001 where Carlos Lee hit a grand slam in the 10th. After that was over, they went into Monsters in the Morning Primetime from the day before. I inexplicably stayed with it all the way to the "weiner" bit. Jiggets didn't just make one comment about "wait until you get finished with my weiner right here;" he made several, egging her on, "come see my weiner, etc., etc."  Kermit said a panicked camera guy panned down to a hot dog, but that's not entirely true. You see a panicked Jen Patterson put a hot dog in front of Jiggets, and that's the dog they showed (and that's why Jiggets hadn't yet consumed it). And at that point, Jiggets said, "No that's not my weiner. I never put onions on mine."

Jen, if you're out there, I'm sure I can line you up with a dream team of attorneys (and soon-to-be attorneys) who would love nothing more than to sue bothe Jiggets and North.

I seriously thought it was worse than I was remembering, so I'm glad you watched it for me.  I know my jaw dropped at whatever he said.  Literally.  I looked like a mouth-breather.

I had the presence of mind to rewind it on my DVR, and I was just going to use my phone to video the screen during that episode. Alas, I screwed that up, just snapped a still photo of the TV screen and my wife came in and changed the channel, thus erasing the Monsters.