Totally Unlistenable

[Powdered Toast Man]

I suppose this is as good a place as any to tell my Tom Dreesen story.
While not nearly as epic as Slaky's bathroom story I'm going to tell it anyway.

This happened around 1983, which would make flannj 24 years old.
I was working during the day at the Board of Trade and tending bar weekday nights and held another bartending job on weekends.
In addition, I was dealing with the complexities of trying to keep the girl I was living with from finding out about my dalliances with the future Mrs. flannj.
Needles to say I was burning the candle at both ends.
Which meant I was a bit of a zombie. This is important to the story.

One of the bartending jobs I had was at Bones, a Lettuce Entertain You restaurant in Lincolnwood.
I was working on a Sunday morning doing my prep work, the place was empty as it was about a half hour before we opened.
Three people walked in, two guys and a woman, and I recognized one of the men as Tom Dreesen.
The other guy appeared to be a friend and the woman seemed to be his agent.
I recognized Dreesen from TV. Most likely the Tonight Show, and given that at that time my comedic interest ran more to George Carlin, Emo Phillips, and Sam Kinison I knew him to be the unfunny fuck that he remains today.

The three of them walked to the bar and I asked if I could get them anything. Dreesen and the other guy declined but the woman asked for a virgin strawberry daiquiri.
I set about making the drink in the blender directly in front of them.
They were going over some notes comparing different comedy clubs in the Chicago area. At one point Dreesen asked me if I could recommend any clubs other than Zanie's.
Now given my exhausted state Zanie's was all I could think of and like a moron I replied "Uh, well there's always Zanie's".

They stared at me and I returned to making the drink.

Now when making a frozen blended drink the order in which the ingredients go into  the blender is key.
Put the wet ingredients in first followed by the crushed ice. Otherwise the spinning blades create an air pocket at the bottom of the ice and nothing happens.
I had made hundreds of these drinks before, it's not rocket science. But of course I managed to fuck this one up.
So while the blades are spinning uselessly doing nothing other than making an annoying racket, I took a bar spoon and tried to coax the ingredients to blend.
Now due to being a clumsy oaf and half out of it I managed to drop the spoon into the blender, which collided with the furiously spinning blades and POW.

Frozen strawberry daiquiri everywhere.

While his two companions managed to avoid most of the explosion, Dreesen was not so lucky. I looked to my horror and saw that his previously spotless white (I shit you not) Member's Only jacket was now covered in concentrated frozen strawberries and daiquiri mix.

Now as much as I would like to say that he was a total dick about the situation, as he had every right to be, that was not the case. I offered to get the manager and assured him that we would pay for whatever cleaning or replacement that would be necessary. He assured me not to worry about it and they quickly decided to get the hell out of there and as far away from me as possible.

So every time that talentless, coattail riding, has been shows up at a Cubs game I take pleasure in actually having accomplished a direct assault upon him that the rest of you can only dream of.

Oh yeah?  Well, I spilled Jack and Coke on Bobby Hebert once.  He high fived me and we hugged.  It was magical.

[Yeti]

I suppose this is as good a place as any to tell my Tom Dreesen story.
While not nearly as epic as Slaky's bathroom story I'm going to tell it anyway.

This happened around 1983, which would make flannj 24 years old.
I was working during the day at the Board of Trade and tending bar weekday nights and held another bartending job on weekends.
In addition, I was dealing with the complexities of trying to keep the girl I was living with from finding out about my dalliances with the future Mrs. flannj.
Needless to say I was burning the candle at both ends.
Which meant I was a bit of a zombie. This is important to the story.

One of the bartending jobs I had was at Bones, a Lettuce Entertain You restaurant in Lincolnwood.
I was working on a Sunday morning doing my prep work, the place was empty as it was about a half hour before we opened.
Three people walked in, two guys and a woman, and I recognized one of the men as Tom Dreesen.
The other guy appeared to be a friend and the woman seemed to be his agent.
I recognized Dreesen from TV. Most likely the Tonight Show, and given that at that time my comedic interest ran more to George Carlin, Emo Phillips, and Sam Kinison I knew him to be the unfunny fuck that he remains today.

The three of them walked to the bar and I asked if I could get them anything. Dreesen and the other guy declined but the woman asked for a virgin strawberry daiquiri.
I set about making the drink in the blender directly in front of them.
They were going over some notes comparing different comedy clubs in the Chicago area. At one point Dreesen asked me if I could recommend any clubs other than Zanie's.
Now given my exhausted state Zanie's was all I could think of and like a moron I replied "Uh, well there's always Zanie's".

They stared at me and I returned to making the drink.

Now when making a frozen blended drink the order in which the ingredients go into  the blender is key.
Put the wet ingredients in first followed by the crushed ice. Otherwise the spinning blades create an air pocket at the bottom of the ice and nothing happens.
I had made hundreds of these drinks before, it's not rocket science. But of course I managed to fuck this one up.
So while the blades are spinning uselessly doing nothing other than making an annoying racket, I took a bar spoon and tried to coax the ingredients to blend.
Now due to being a clumsy oaf and half out of it I managed to drop the spoon into the blender, which collided with the furiously spinning blades and POW.

Frozen strawberry daiquiri everywhere.

While his two companions managed to avoid most of the explosion, Dreesen was not so lucky. I looked to my horror and saw that his previously spotless white (I shit you not) Member's Only jacket was now covered in concentrated frozen strawberries and daiquiri mix.

Now as much as I would like to say that he was a total dick about the situation, as he had every right to be, that was not the case. I offered to get the manager and assured him that we would pay for whatever cleaning or replacement that would be necessary. He assured me not to worry about it and they quickly decided to get the hell out of there and as far away from me as possible.

So every time that talentless, coattail riding, has been shows up at a Cubs game I take pleasure in actually having accomplished a direct assault upon him that the rest of you can only dream of.

I wasn't even thought of yet... Old bastard.

But yea, great story. I'm surprised there were blenders back then.

[Bort]

But yea, great story. I'm surprised there were blenders back then.

I'm like only 2/3 of flannj's age and I still want to slap you in the soft part of your unformed skull, you infant.

[Yeti]

But yea, great story. I'm surprised there were blenders back then.

I'm like only 2/3 of flannj's age and I still want to slap you in the soft part of your unformed skull, you infant.

[Bort]

But yea, great story. I'm surprised there were blenders back then.

I'm like only 2/3 of flannj's age and I still want to slap you in the soft part of your unformed skull, you infant.

You left a little placenta on the edge of your [img] tags.

[Yeti]

But yea, great story. I'm surprised there were blenders back then.

I'm like only 2/3 of flannj's age and I still want to slap you in the soft part of your unformed skull, you infant.

You left a little placenta on the edge of your img tags.

(stop trying to fuck up my post with that extra [img] tag)

[Internet Apex]

I suppose this is as good a place as any to tell my Tom Dreesen story.
While not nearly as epic as Slaky's bathroom story I'm going to tell it anyway.

This happened around 1983, which would make flannj 24 years old.
I was working during the day at the Board of Trade and tending bar weekday nights and held another bartending job on weekends.
In addition, I was dealing with the complexities of trying to keep the girl I was living with from finding out about my dalliances with the future Mrs. flannj.
Needles to say I was burning the candle at both ends.
Which meant I was a bit of a zombie. This is important to the story.

One of the bartending jobs I had was at Bones, a Lettuce Entertain You restaurant in Lincolnwood.
I was working on a Sunday morning doing my prep work, the place was empty as it was about a half hour before we opened.
Three people walked in, two guys and a woman, and I recognized one of the men as Tom Dreesen.
The other guy appeared to be a friend and the woman seemed to be his agent.
I recognized Dreesen from TV. Most likely the Tonight Show, and given that at that time my comedic interest ran more to George Carlin, Emo Phillips, and Sam Kinison I knew him to be the unfunny fuck that he remains today.

The three of them walked to the bar and I asked if I could get them anything. Dreesen and the other guy declined but the woman asked for a virgin strawberry daiquiri.
I set about making the drink in the blender directly in front of them.
They were going over some notes comparing different comedy clubs in the Chicago area. At one point Dreesen asked me if I could recommend any clubs other than Zanie's.
Now given my exhausted state Zanie's was all I could think of and like a moron I replied "Uh, well there's always Zanie's".

They stared at me and I returned to making the drink.

Now when making a frozen blended drink the order in which the ingredients go into  the blender is key.
Put the wet ingredients in first followed by the crushed ice. Otherwise the spinning blades create an air pocket at the bottom of the ice and nothing happens.
I had made hundreds of these drinks before, it's not rocket science. But of course I managed to fuck this one up.
So while the blades are spinning uselessly doing nothing other than making an annoying racket, I took a bar spoon and tried to coax the ingredients to blend.
Now due to being a clumsy oaf and half out of it I managed to drop the spoon into the blender, which collided with the furiously spinning blades and POW.

Frozen strawberry daiquiri everywhere.

While his two companions managed to avoid most of the explosion, Dreesen was not so lucky. I looked to my horror and saw that his previously spotless white (I shit you not) Member's Only jacket was now covered in concentrated frozen strawberries and daiquiri mix.

Now as much as I would like to say that he was a total dick about the situation, as he had every right to be, that was not the case. I offered to get the manager and assured him that we would pay for whatever cleaning or replacement that would be necessary. He assured me not to worry about it and they quickly decided to get the hell out of there and as far away from me as possible.

So every time that talentless, coattail riding, has been shows up at a Cubs game I take pleasure in actually having accomplished a direct assault upon him that the rest of you can only dream of.

Oh yeah?  Well, I spilled Jack and Coke on Bobby Hebert once.  He high fived me and we hugged.  It was magical.

When I was 8 I accidentally sprayed Mark Herrmann with a stunningly too-powerful water faucet at a "celebrity" golf tournament. We both lol'd, stripped down to our tighty-whities and Flashdanced in the horizontal geyser.

[R-V]

Great profile of the most listenable man in baseball by Joe Posnanski.

http://joeposnanski.si.com/2010/09/30/the-heart-of-los-angeles/

[Internet Apex]

Great profile of the most listenable man in baseball by Joe Posnanski.

http://joeposnanski.si.com/2010/09/30/the-heart-of-los-angeles/

That's not about Pat Hughes. I feel cheated.

[CBStew]

I have to put Ken Burns' "Tenth Inning" descriptions of Barroid Bonds and Roider Clemons in the category of "unlistenable". 

[Internet Apex]

I have to put Ken Burns' "Tenth Inning" descriptions of Barroid Bonds and Roider Clemons in the category of "unlistenable". 

I agree. I just didn't care to be told that this entire decade of baseball was all about teh cheating. Why did you hate it? I'm curious to know.

[Wheezer]

Hughes and Otto seemed to be having some sort of existential dispute in the top of the 6th.

[Internet Apex]

Hughes and Otto seemed to be having some sort of existential dispute in the top of the 6th.

The details of said dispute?

[Wheezer]

Hughes and Otto seemed to be having some sort of existential dispute in the top of the 6th.

The details of said dispute?

Are you kidding? I can barely remember my phone number since Oleg's visit.

[Internet Apex]

Hughes and Otto seemed to be having some sort of existential dispute in the top of the 6th.

The details of said dispute?

Are you kidding? I can barely remember my phone number since Oleg's visit.

That'll happen.