Twatheads Twittering

[Bort]

If you don't have Twitter and you enjoy Andy Dolan you're stupid because he made fun of Jacque Jones who responded with "101 years."

and then.

AHAHAHAHAHA!

[thehawk]

If you don't have Twitter and you enjoy Andy Dolan you're stupid because he made fun of Jacque Jones who responded with "101 years."

and then.

[R-V]

Follow the Groupon cat. You won't regret it.

The Groupon Guide to: Fall Movie Season

It's fall movie season and you know what that means! All your favorites are back—the actors, the directors, the lights, and the sounds. So buy the popcorn and chew the candies because here come the movies!

Maids of Dishonor: Five clumsy women are all getting married on the same day and they're all each other's bridesmaids.

The Rotten House by the Airport: This house has a dirty rotten secret—about eating teens.

Time Fireman 2: Now he's putting out fires in the Renaissance and for the Pilgrims.

Important Dog: A girl's dog is really important to her, but then she is sick, and so is the dog.

The Unexpected Family: When nobody on the block has anyone to spend Christmas with, guess who becomes a family? Them.

Touch Down Under: An Australian boomerang team has to learn to play football because of a loophole in the rules.

Oops, Wrong Bodies: When two men are getting surgery at the same time and lightning strikes the doctor's hands, can business man be nice and can nice man make business happen?

The Groupon Guide to: Washing Your Hands

In this sick, wet world, nothing is more important than washing your hands. Whether you've just used the bathroom or just touched a child's bacteria-laden face, here is what you'll need to do to regain your purity:

• Turn on the hot-water faucet.
• Get the soap out of the hermetically sealed safe where you keep it so humidity won't cause it to burst into suds.
• Once the water is hot enough to kill (and cook) a bug, plug the sink so it fills up.
• Drop the soap in the full sink to make soapy water, or "clean soup," as it's often called.
• Submerge your fingers in the water one at a time in order of filthiness. Repeat until your fingers have soaked up all the water, leaving the sink completely dry.
• If you ever forget what to do, just remember the childhood hand-washing rhyme: "My fingers, my fingers are drinking clean soup/ My heavens, my heavens, it hurts."

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Follow the Groupon cat. You won't regret it.

The Groupon Guide to: Fall Movie Season

It's fall movie season and you know what that means! All your favorites are back—the actors, the directors, the lights, and the sounds. So buy the popcorn and chew the candies because here come the movies!

Maids of Dishonor: Five clumsy women are all getting married on the same day and they're all each other's bridesmaids.

The Rotten House by the Airport: This house has a dirty rotten secret—about eating teens.

Time Fireman 2: Now he's putting out fires in the Renaissance and for the Pilgrims.

Important Dog: A girl's dog is really important to her, but then she is sick, and so is the dog.

The Unexpected Family: When nobody on the block has anyone to spend Christmas with, guess who becomes a family? Them.

Touch Down Under: An Australian boomerang team has to learn to play football because of a loophole in the rules.

Oops, Wrong Bodies: When two men are getting surgery at the same time and lightning strikes the doctor's hands, can business man be nice and can nice man make business happen?

The Groupon Guide to: Washing Your Hands

In this sick, wet world, nothing is more important than washing your hands. Whether you've just used the bathroom or just touched a child's bacteria-laden face, here is what you'll need to do to regain your purity:

• Turn on the hot-water faucet.
• Get the soap out of the hermetically sealed safe where you keep it so humidity won't cause it to burst into suds.
• Once the water is hot enough to kill (and cook) a bug, plug the sink so it fills up.
• Drop the soap in the full sink to make soapy water, or "clean soup," as it's often called.
• Submerge your fingers in the water one at a time in order of filthiness. Repeat until your fingers have soaked up all the water, leaving the sink completely dry.
• If you ever forget what to do, just remember the childhood hand-washing rhyme: "My fingers, my fingers are drinking clean soup/ My heavens, my heavens, it hurts."

Maybe I was all wrong about Groupon.

I mean, I don't see LivingSocial hiring any hilarious internet writers.

[Wheezer]

I am somehow impressed that Jenny McCarthy could make me think of her as even more stupid than I had surmised.



There no shortage of more where that came from.

[Wheezer]

Oh, G-d, somebody get Dubbs on the twatblower.

[Slaky]

Oh, G-d, somebody get Dubbs on the twatblower.

That's not him?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

"A Twitter war that's about an actual war. In real time."

It'd be a very well-run Twitter campaign, except it's not announcing a new cellphone--it's announcing a barrage of missile strikes against a neighboring territory. Those pictures are of bombing sites. The videos are of Israeli generals explaining the bombings, or even videos of the bombings themselves. That hashtag? It's only #PillarOfDefense in English. In Hebrew, as Gawker found out, it's #PillarOfCloud--"a Biblical reference to the form God adopted in order to protect the Children of Israel and strike terror into the heart of Egyptians." And instead of Microsoft playfully interacting with Apple, or Domino's and Pizza Hut trading zingers about pizza, we have @AlQassamBrigade, the Twitter account of the Al Qassam Brigades, the military wing of Palestinian political party/terrorist organization Hamas, tweeting back:



Remember when Twitter was silly? When it was about what you ate for lunch, or when it was a launching pad for comedians, or an irritating tool for self-promotion? It's not that anymore. Now it's the place where one of the strongest militaries in the world tells us what they're bombing today. It's where the IDF and Hamas interact.

You're no longer being asked to retweet if you love Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Looking forward to when @AlQassamBrigade replies and the Mossad traces his location via IP address.

And kills him.

[Internet Apex]

Looking forward to when @AlQassamBrigade replies and the Mossad traces his location via IP address.

And kills him.

They probably have little kids Tweeting for them so when Mossad blows them up they can pretend to be butthurt.

[Slaky]

I saw the picture of the BBC journo whose 11 month old child was killed in the strike. They placed a pic below of the child smiling in life. It is the saddest thing I've seen probably ever.

This whole region is just the worst.

[Gilgamesh]

I saw the picture of the BBC journo whose 11 month old child was killed in the strike. They placed a pic below of the child smiling in life. It is the saddest thing I've seen probably ever.

This whole region is just the worst.

I could use a lot more cheap glass, so that's an option too.

[Oleg]

I saw the picture of the BBC journo whose 11 month old child was killed in the strike. They placed a pic below of the child smiling in life. It is the saddest thing I've seen probably ever.

This whole region is just the worst.

Religion is so awesome.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

I saw the picture of the BBC journo whose 11 month old child was killed in the strike. They placed a pic below of the child smiling in life. It is the saddest thing I've seen probably ever.

This whole region is just the worst.

Religion is so awesome.

Also: humans in general.

[Bort]

https://twitter.com/EroticKOTH

You're welcome.