The 2010 Cubs Free Agent and Roster Moves Thread: SAVEENG OUR KUBBEEZ!!11

[Weebs]

Who hasn't seen As Good As It Gets? I thought everyone has. The only line worth quoting from that movie is when Jack says people who speak in metaphors should shampoo his crotch.

I had absolutely no idea I was quoting that movie.  But it does make sense, given my undying love for Helen Hunt.

My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex.  Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado.

No ghey stuff.

[Quality Start Machine]

Who hasn't seen As Good As It Gets? I thought everyone has. The only line worth quoting from that movie is when Jack says people who speak in metaphors should shampoo his crotch.

I had absolutely no idea I was quoting that movie.  But it does make sense, given my undying love for Helen Hunt.

My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex.  Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado.

Where's the artificial crabmeat?

I was told there would be artificial crabmeat.

[Slaky]

Who hasn't seen As Good As It Gets? I thought everyone has. The only line worth quoting from that movie is when Jack says people who speak in metaphors should shampoo his crotch.

I had absolutely no idea I was quoting that movie.  But it does make sense, given my undying love for Helen Hunt.

My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex.  Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado.

Where's the artificial crabmeat?

I was told there would be artificial crabmeat.

A fat guy in a bike helmet was here earlier. He ate it all.

[MAD]

Who hasn't seen As Good As It Gets? I thought everyone has. The only line worth quoting from that movie is when Jack says people who speak in metaphors should shampoo his crotch.

I had absolutely no idea I was quoting that movie.  But it does make sense, given my undying love for Helen Hunt.

My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex.  Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado.

Where's the artificial crabmeat?

I was told there would be artificial crabmeat.

A fat guy in a bike helmet was here earlier. He ate it all.

Belch.

[Kermit IV]

Who hasn't seen As Good As It Gets? I thought everyone has. The only line worth quoting from that movie is when Jack says people who speak in metaphors should shampoo his crotch.

I had absolutely no idea I was quoting that movie.  But it does make sense, given my undying love for Helen Hunt.

My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex.  Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado.

Where's the artificial crabmeat?

I was told there would be artificial crabmeat.

A fat guy in a bike helmet was here earlier. He ate it all.

Belch.

Aaaand, SCENE!

[Weebs]

Who hasn't seen As Good As It Gets? I thought everyone has. The only line worth quoting from that movie is when Jack says people who speak in metaphors should shampoo his crotch.

I had absolutely no idea I was quoting that movie.  But it does make sense, given my undying love for Helen Hunt.

My ultimate fantasy is to have us tied with leather belts to pipes like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton at the end of the movie Twister and have our feet being sucked up into the vortex and while we are doing that we can JO (poss. handjob exchange) to climax into the vortex.  Obviously this is impossible and dangerous to attempt so I would be Ok with just JO looking at a tornado.

Where's the artificial crabmeat?

I was told there would be artificial crabmeat.

A fat guy in a bike helmet was here earlier. He ate it all.

Belch.

Aaaand, SCENE!

Let's take it from the top.  This time, you've just found out the Cubs signed Marlon Byrd to a 3 year contract.  And ACTION!:

Carrie Muskat of MLB.com reports that the Cubs are expected to announce the signing of free agent outfielder Marlon Byrd to a three-year contract.
We don't have any specifics of the terms, but he'll surely see a sizable increase from the $3.06 million he made last season. An official announcement is expected shortly. Byrd, 32, will be reunited with his former hitting coach Rudy Jaramillo in Chicago. He batted .295/.352/.468 in three seasons under his tutelage in Texas.

[Slaky]

Get a rope. So I can hang myself.

[Yeti]

Marlon Byrd is a Cub.. Dollar amount doesn't piss me off

[MAD]

Three fucking years?  Holy crap Jim Hendry is pathological.

I think I need to revise my Dead pool picks to include a "death wish" pick.  Fuck.

[Quality Start Machine]

Three fucking years?  Holy crap Jim Hendry is pathological.

I think I need to revise my Dead pool picks to include a "death wish" pick.  Fuck.

So in 2 years, the Cubs' aggregate outfield age will most likely be over 100.

Whoopty-motherfucking-doo.

[Yeti]

Three fucking years?  Holy crap Jim Hendry is pathological.

I think I need to revise my Dead pool picks to include a "death wish" pick.  Fuck.

$5 million.. $5 million..

[MAD]

Three fucking years?  Holy crap Jim Hendry is pathological.

I think I need to revise my Dead pool picks to include a "death wish" pick.  Fuck.

$5 million.. $5 million..

True, but...

THREE YEARS.

[Yeti]

Three fucking years?  Holy crap Jim Hendry is pathological.

I think I need to revise my Dead pool picks to include a "death wish" pick.  Fuck.

$5 million.. $5 million..

True, but...

THREE YEARS.

I just think this is pathological "ANGER over anything Jim did". 3/15 is not horrible by any stretch. If he sucks in 2011 or 2012, it won't be that hard to move him because the money is really low.

[Weebs]

Three fucking years?  Holy crap Jim Hendry is pathological.

I think I need to revise my Dead pool picks to include a "death wish" pick.  Fuck.

$5 million.. $5 million..

True, but...

THREE YEARS.

And in year three, he'll probably be earning $5 million.  Considering there's nobody in the system slotted to play CF anytime in the near future, this is a pretty good signing.

[Quality Start Machine]

Last year was the first time in Byrd's career he had over 500 ABs.

And guys in their 30s coming off career years are always solid free agent signings.

The Cubs will win the Central with their 97 year old OF (only because 86 wins should do it), and get curb stomped in the playoffs again.