2009-10 Bears Season: Utler, 'Uther 'Uckers

[Philberto]

Oooo, I can't wait.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Oooo, I can't wait.

Alternate headline: "Hypothetical Job on Unemployed Man's Radar"

[Kermit, B.]

Oooo, I can't wait.

...wife Maura could continue to run Hannah and Friends, the nonprofit foundation named for their daughter and dedicated to helping children and young adults with autism and other special needs. The couple remains committed to the charity and hopes to continue to base it out of a farm north of South Bend.

Holy shit, they're keeping them on FARMS?  That's amazing.  Do they put them on lines so they can run around and dig?

[Internet Apex]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

Jump on this, kids!  A Monday night game on Friday is the rarest of the rare.

[Internet Apex]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

Jump on this, kids!  A Monday night game on Friday is the rarest of the rare.

D'ur. 12/28.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

Huey finds your explicit request for payment in beer and/or food shockingly rude.

Also: SIT DOWN, DAMMIT. IT'S NOT A SACK UNTIL THE WHISTLE IS BLOWN, YOU SELF-CENTERED JAGOFF!

[Internet Apex]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

Huey finds your explicit request for payment in beer and/or food shockingly rude.

Also: SIT DOWN, DAMMIT. IT'S NOT A SACK UNTIL THE WHISTLE IS BLOWN, YOU SELF-CENTERED JAGOFF!

I won't be a problem where that's concnered. Most people who have gone to Bears games with me know that I spend the majority of the game with my head in my hands muttering profanities and letting out huge sighs of despair.

[Internet Apex]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

Huey finds your explicit request for payment in beer and/or food shockingly rude.

Also: SIT DOWN, DAMMIT. IT'S NOT A SACK UNTIL THE WHISTLE IS BLOWN, YOU SELF-CENTERED JAGOFF!

I won't be a problem where that's concnered. Most people who have gone to Bears games with me know that I spend the majority of the game with my head in my hands muttering profanities and letting out huge sighs of despair.

Found a taker. You'll have to watch teh Bears get whipped in the comfort of your own home. Sucks to be you.

[SKO]

Anybody interested in sitting next to my dumb ass at the Bears/Vikes Monday Nighter on 12/18, send me a PM. The friend I had slated for that can't do it. (Cannot sit with 'em. Cannot drink with 'em. Cannot pull my pants down with 'em.) So, I won't need anything for the ticket but a beer or two and possibly cab fare home.

Jump on this, kids!  A Monday night game on Friday is the rarest of the rare.

D'ur. 12/28.

What a cock sucker.

[MAD]

I'm being serious when I say I think they should consider hiring Weis to run the offense.

The thinking is based on my opinion that Lovie will be brought back for one more year, which is mostly based of course on the Bears not wanting to eat too much salary (1 year instead of 2), while justifying the retention by saying that Lovie's Cover-2 was crippled by Brian Urlacher's absence.  This will not only buy more time on his contract, but will make the decision to get rid of Smith AND Urlacher easier if it turns out that Urlacher's not worth the investment anymore--a case which gathers increasing strength with time--and the team blows again next year, further clearing the way for a clean start. 

At the same time, the team is going to need to account for this season's clusterfuck.  The organization can choose to blame Lovie, Marinelli, Babich and Co, for their inability to properly scheme, make adjustments and motivate various high-paid sacks of shit on the line....but that would lead right back to whacking Lovie with 2 years left on his deal.  On the other hand, considering that the offense was an equally disappointing band of retardation, the easier move to signify the organization is being proactive would be to whack the unaffiliated Ron Turner.  I've never been very passionate about Turner either way, but he makes a good scapegoat. 

In the meantime, who the hell is going to come here for what would, under this scenario, seem to be a lame duck season?  Well that's where the chubby bastard who's raising retarded kids on a farm 90 miles away comes in.  While Weis is certainly not desperate for a job as he still gets paid by his dumbfuck ex-employer, he would still, I imagine, need to restore his credibility as an offensive schemer who's already had success in the league if he ever wants another chance, before  everyone catches on to the fact that it's all Belichick and Tom Brady. 

It's probably doomed to fail, which means we at least would have 2011 to look forward to, when the Bears get to start drafting again, but what the fuck.

[Internet Apex]

I'm being serious when I say I think they should consider hiring Weis to run the offense.

The thinking is based on my opinion that Lovie will be brought back for one more year, which is mostly based of course on the Bears not wanting to eat too much salary (1 year instead of 2), while justifying the retention by saying that Lovie's Cover-2 was crippled by Brian Urlacher's absence.  This will not only buy more time on his contract, but will make the decision to get rid of Smith AND Urlacher easier if it turns out that Urlacher's not worth the investment anymore--a case which gathers increasing strength with time--and the team blows again next year, further clearing the way for a clean start. 

At the same time, the team is going to need to account for this season's clusterfuck.  The organization can choose to blame Lovie, Marinelli, Babich and Co, for their inability to properly scheme, make adjustments and motivate various high-paid sacks of shit on the line....but that would lead right back to whacking Lovie with 2 years left on his deal.  On the other hand, considering that the offense was an equally disappointing band of retardation, the easier move to signify the organization is being proactive would be to whack the unaffiliated Ron Turner.  I've never been very passionate about Turner either way, but he makes a good scapegoat. 

In the meantime, who the hell is going to come here for what would, under this scenario, seem to be a lame duck season?  Well that's where the chubby bastard who's raising retarded kids on a farm 90 miles away comes in.  While Weis is certainly not desperate for a job as he still gets paid by his dumbfuck ex-employer, he would still, I imagine, need to restore his credibility as an offensive schemer who's already had success in the league if he ever wants another chance, before  everyone catches on to the fact that it's all Belichick and Tom Brady. 

It's probably doomed to fail, which means we at least would have 2011 to look forward to, when the Bears get to start drafting again, but what the fuck.

I'm glad you're the only one seriously considering it. If it's a lame duck season for Lovie in 2010, I'd rather they stick with Turner. If they bring in a lame duck OC for a lame duck coach, the quarterback will have to learn his third offense in three years with a certainty that he's going to learn a fourth the following year. I don't see the point. The Bears need new players more than they need new coaches.

I think Angelo and Lovie will get one more year and then the team will clean house and hire a new GM and Head Coach to run the draft, with a near certainty that it'll be a top 5 draft pick. The Bears are going to blow next year. We can only hope that they do so to the fullest possible extent. I've never been that type of fan, that roots for his team to lose but that's what Angelo has brought me to with this roster.

[MAD]

I think Angelo and Lovie will get one more year and then the team will clean house and hire a new GM and Head Coach to run the draft, with a near certainty that it'll be a top 5 draft pick. The Bears are going to blow next year. We can only hope that they do so to the fullest possible extent. I've never been that type of fan, that roots for his team to lose but that's what Angelo has brought me to with this roster.

I'm not so sure they both get canned.  Angelo's signed through 2013, Lovie just through 2011.  Jerry Bear may have one more hire in his gun.

Fuck it.  Angelo should just whack Lovie now.  He'll have to account for 2 years pay, but he'll also have 3 years to get himself a new deal.

[R-V]

I think Angelo and Lovie will get one more year and then the team will clean house and hire a new GM and Head Coach to run the draft, with a near certainty that it'll be a top 5 draft pick. The Bears are going to blow next year. We can only hope that they do so to the fullest possible extent. I've never been that type of fan, that roots for his team to lose but that's what Angelo has brought me to with this roster.

I'm not so sure they both get canned.  Angelo's signed through 2013, Lovie just through 2011.  Jerry Bear may have one more hire in his gun.

Fuck it.  Angelo should just whack Lovie now.  He'll have to account for 2 years pay, but he'll also have 3 years to get himself a new deal.

God damn, the Bears are depressing. Pretty much every plausible option sucks at this point. My taint cries every time I'm reminded Angelo is signed through 2013.

[CT III]

I think Angelo and Lovie will get one more year and then the team will clean house and hire a new GM and Head Coach to run the draft, with a near certainty that it'll be a top 5 draft pick. The Bears are going to blow next year. We can only hope that they do so to the fullest possible extent. I've never been that type of fan, that roots for his team to lose but that's what Angelo has brought me to with this roster.

I'm not so sure they both get canned.  Angelo's signed through 2013, Lovie just through 2011.  Jerry Bear may have one more hire in his gun.

Fuck it.  Angelo should just whack Lovie now.  He'll have to account for 2 years pay, but he'll also have 3 years to get himself a new deal.

God damn, the Bears are depressing. Pretty much every plausible option sucks at this point. My taint cries every time I'm reminded Angelo is signed through 2013.

FIRE TED PHILLIPS!