Twins SPLOOGEFEST

[TDubbs]

Can't we have one thread that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse bragging about our amateur sports careers?

Yes. Let's not relive Thrill's athletic accolades once again.

Have I ever told you about the time we couldn't get into our locker room after a game because the cops were in there chatting with a teammate who had two-handed his stick across the back of an opponent's neck after the whistle?

Why would the art club need a locker room? Was it for the shower bonding?

The art club doubled as the pep band.  They needed to wash their tubas together after the hockey match.

[CT III]

May 4, 1984, the Oakland A's Dave Kingman hit a ball that disappeared through a drainage hole in the Teflon roof. The ball never came down, and Kingman was given a ground-rule double. The next day, the Twins devised a plan in which, before Kingman's first at-bat, a ball would drop from the roof so that Twins first baseman Mickey Hatcher could make the catch. As Kingman stepped into the batter's box, the ball knuckled its way down, bounced and hit Hatcher in the groin, sending him to the turf. "Kingman looked at me and said, 'What's wrong with you?' " says Hatcher, now the LA Angels batting coach.

I have no idea what the point of this story is, but why the hell wasn't Hatcher wearing a cup?

Point of story: Nut shots are always funny.

Re: Hatcher and the cup: Ever been hit in the cup by a baseball travelling at a decent speed? It'll still make you puke, just won't turn your nuts to puree.

No, whenever I see a ball traveling at a decent speed toward my testicles, I use a different part of my body to stop it.

As a catcher/first baseman for a lot of my baseball life, I can say it's not always possible.

When you're a shitty fielder like Mickey Hatcher, even less so.

Being a catcher/firstbaseman for most of my baseball life, I have to agree with Fork.

I've been a first baseman my entire life and have never been hit in the balls.  I guess it helps that I'm good at it.

I think you're lying.

Good to see your Ripken-esque streak of being wrong is still intact.  Did I do that right?

Really?  I seem to remember you showing up at a 12" softball game and bitching about how uncomfortable your cup was, but you were going to wear it since you had to play first base.  So maybe you never got hit, but you definitely considered it to be a distinct possibility.

[Kermit, B.]

May 4, 1984, the Oakland A's Dave Kingman hit a ball that disappeared through a drainage hole in the Teflon roof. The ball never came down, and Kingman was given a ground-rule double. The next day, the Twins devised a plan in which, before Kingman's first at-bat, a ball would drop from the roof so that Twins first baseman Mickey Hatcher could make the catch. As Kingman stepped into the batter's box, the ball knuckled its way down, bounced and hit Hatcher in the groin, sending him to the turf. "Kingman looked at me and said, 'What's wrong with you?' " says Hatcher, now the LA Angels batting coach.

I have no idea what the point of this story is, but why the hell wasn't Hatcher wearing a cup?

Point of story: Nut shots are always funny.

Re: Hatcher and the cup: Ever been hit in the cup by a baseball travelling at a decent speed? It'll still make you puke, just won't turn your nuts to puree.

No, whenever I see a ball traveling at a decent speed toward my testicles, I use a different part of my body to stop it.

As a catcher/first baseman for a lot of my baseball life, I can say it's not always possible.

When you're a shitty fielder like Mickey Hatcher, even less so.

Being a catcher/firstbaseman for most of my baseball life, I have to agree with Fork.

I've been a first baseman my entire life and have never been hit in the balls.  I guess it helps that I'm good at it.

I think you're lying.

Good to see your Ripken-esque streak of being wrong is still intact.  Did I do that right?

Really?  I seem to remember you showing up at a 12" softball game and bitching about how uncomfortable your cup was, but you were going to wear it since you had to play first base.  So maybe you never got hit, but you definitely considered it to be a distinct possibility.

I wear a seatbelt when I drive, too, yet I've never flown through my windshield.

[CT III]

May 4, 1984, the Oakland A's Dave Kingman hit a ball that disappeared through a drainage hole in the Teflon roof. The ball never came down, and Kingman was given a ground-rule double. The next day, the Twins devised a plan in which, before Kingman's first at-bat, a ball would drop from the roof so that Twins first baseman Mickey Hatcher could make the catch. As Kingman stepped into the batter's box, the ball knuckled its way down, bounced and hit Hatcher in the groin, sending him to the turf. "Kingman looked at me and said, 'What's wrong with you?' " says Hatcher, now the LA Angels batting coach.

I have no idea what the point of this story is, but why the hell wasn't Hatcher wearing a cup?

Point of story: Nut shots are always funny.

Re: Hatcher and the cup: Ever been hit in the cup by a baseball travelling at a decent speed? It'll still make you puke, just won't turn your nuts to puree.

No, whenever I see a ball traveling at a decent speed toward my testicles, I use a different part of my body to stop it.

As a catcher/first baseman for a lot of my baseball life, I can say it's not always possible.

When you're a shitty fielder like Mickey Hatcher, even less so.

Being a catcher/firstbaseman for most of my baseball life, I have to agree with Fork.

I've been a first baseman my entire life and have never been hit in the balls.  I guess it helps that I'm good at it.

I think you're lying.

Good to see your Ripken-esque streak of being wrong is still intact.  Did I do that right?

Really?  I seem to remember you showing up at a 12" softball game and bitching about how uncomfortable your cup was, but you were going to wear it since you had to play first base.  So maybe you never got hit, but you definitely considered it to be a distinct possibility.

I wear a seatbelt when I drive, too, yet I've never flown through my windshield.

Got it, Kerm is both a better baseball player and a better driver than Mickey Hatcher.

[Kermit, B.]

May 4, 1984, the Oakland A's Dave Kingman hit a ball that disappeared through a drainage hole in the Teflon roof. The ball never came down, and Kingman was given a ground-rule double. The next day, the Twins devised a plan in which, before Kingman's first at-bat, a ball would drop from the roof so that Twins first baseman Mickey Hatcher could make the catch. As Kingman stepped into the batter's box, the ball knuckled its way down, bounced and hit Hatcher in the groin, sending him to the turf. "Kingman looked at me and said, 'What's wrong with you?' " says Hatcher, now the LA Angels batting coach.

I have no idea what the point of this story is, but why the hell wasn't Hatcher wearing a cup?

Point of story: Nut shots are always funny.

Re: Hatcher and the cup: Ever been hit in the cup by a baseball travelling at a decent speed? It'll still make you puke, just won't turn your nuts to puree.

No, whenever I see a ball traveling at a decent speed toward my testicles, I use a different part of my body to stop it.

As a catcher/first baseman for a lot of my baseball life, I can say it's not always possible.

When you're a shitty fielder like Mickey Hatcher, even less so.

Being a catcher/firstbaseman for most of my baseball life, I have to agree with Fork.

I've been a first baseman my entire life and have never been hit in the balls.  I guess it helps that I'm good at it.

I think you're lying.

Good to see your Ripken-esque streak of being wrong is still intact.  Did I do that right?

Really?  I seem to remember you showing up at a 12" softball game and bitching about how uncomfortable your cup was, but you were going to wear it since you had to play first base.  So maybe you never got hit, but you definitely considered it to be a distinct possibility.

I wear a seatbelt when I drive, too, yet I've never flown through my windshield.

Got it, Kerm is both a better baseball player and a better driver than Mickey Hatcher.

Not when he uses his gamer.

[PenFoe]

In summary...Kid Rock is a warrior.

[Jon]

Can't we have one thread that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse bragging about our amateur sports careers?

Yes. Let's not relive Thrill's athletic accolades once again.

Have I ever told you about the time we couldn't get into our locker room after a game because the cops were in there chatting with a teammate who had two-handed his stick across the back of an opponent's neck after the whistle?

Why would the art club need a locker room? Was it for the shower bonding?

When he says "Locker Room" he means "Found Object Installation Utlizing Sporting Equipment #4"

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Can't we have one thread that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse bragging about our amateur sports careers?

Yes. Let's not relive Thrill's athletic accolades once again.

Have I ever told you about the time we couldn't get into our locker room after a game because the cops were in there chatting with a teammate who had two-handed his stick across the back of an opponent's neck after the whistle?

Why would the art club need a locker room? Was it for the shower bonding?

When he says "Locker Room" he means "Found Object Installation Utlizing Sporting Equipment #4" a Matthew Barney exhibit.

OTTOshaft'd

[Saul Goodman]

Joe Mauer: Sign-Stealing MVP

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Joe Mauer: Sign-Stealing MVP

Brenly would be losing his shit watching that.

[Andy]

How fucking hard would it have been for Laird to--oh, I don't know--changed the sequence?

[TDubbs]

How fucking hard would it have been for Laird to--oh, I don't know--changed the sequence?

You obviously have no idea how difficult it is to do that with catcher's equipment on.  That shit is heavy.  And he'd have to run all the way out to the mound and talk about stuff.  You have no FUCKING CLUE HOW HARD IT IS.

I don't either. 
Fork?  Little help here?

[Kermit, B.]

How fucking hard would it have been for Laird to--oh, I don't know--changed the sequence?

Especially with another catcher on second base.

[Jon]

How fucking hard would it have been for Laird to--oh, I don't know--changed the sequence?

Especially with another catcher on second base.

THI.

[Wheezer]

How fucking hard would it have been for Laird to--oh, I don't know--changed the sequence?

You obviously have no idea how difficult it is to do that with catcher's equipment on.  That shit is heavy.  And he'd have to run all the way out to the mound and talk about stuff.  You have no FUCKING CLUE HOW HARD IT IS.

I don't either. 
Fork?  Little help here?

This reminds me that I still have an "NRA Pride" license-plate holder, available free to the first claimant who promises to display it.