2009-2010 Blackhawks Lord Stanley Bonertime Thread

[R-V]

those lousy Slovaks shit the rink.

Awesome. I hereby exonerate you for the John Thierry of Relativity incident.

[Internet Apex]

I blame Charra. Lazy cunt.

[MAD]

those lousy Slovaks shit the rink.

Awesome. I hereby exonerate you for the John Thierry of Relativity incident.

Please send the invoice to Thrillho.

[CT III]

I blame Charra. Lazy cunt.

The Canadians knew he'd flee in terror when confronted by fire.

[Oleg]

Old guy (almost) back.

[BBM]

I'm telling you Vesa Toskala is the guy we need to fix this goaltending situation.  Him or Michael Leighton since Colorado won't give us back Anderson.   Also has anyone seen my moustache wax?

[Tony]

Dan Savage wants to turn Toews into the next Santorum.

I could write about your batshit-conservative prime minister, Stephen Harper, who's always proroguing the shit out of your parliament. (I don't know what proroguing is exactly, but like the shit in French on breakfast-cereal boxes, it sounds pretty fucking filthy.) But a better example of conservative batshittery would be Vic Toews. Canada's unofficial "Minister of Family Values," member of parliament Toews—surprise!—doesn't like the gays because we're a threat to the family and the institution of marriage. Toews has described gay-marriage ceremonies as satanic "Black Masses" and insisted that adding gays and lesbians to existing Canadian civil-rights statutes would bring the "jackboot of fascism [down] on the necks of our people."

You know where this is going, right?

It turned out that Toews—who once warned that gay marriage could lead to polygamy—was cheating on his wife of 25 years. After getting a much younger woman pregnant, Toews wound up getting divorced. Another marriage destroyed not by gays stomping around in fabulous jackboots, but by another straight "Christian" shitfuck politician slamming his dick into someone who isn't his wife.

Toews's affair became public two years ago, but the scandal didn't destroy him—he became minister of public safety this January—because the Canadian press sniffed that Toews's affair and divorce were private. Excuse me, Canadian-press pansies, but a politician who scares up votes attacking the private lives of others, a politician who insists that other people are out to destroy his marriage, can't be allowed to hide behind "my private business!" when it turns out that the only threat to the politician's marriage was the politician's own greasy cock.

Here's hoping that all straight folks everywhere one day realize that anti-gay ravers come in just two flavors: assholes who are externalizing their own internal struggles against homosexual desires (Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Charlie Crist, Joseph Ratzinger, et al.) and assholes who are attempting to compensate for and/or draw attention away from their own moral shortcomings (David Vitter, Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Vic Toews, et al.).

Toews is pronounced "taves," and it seems to me that it should be a word for something nasty. Get on it, Canada.

[thehawk]

Dan Savage wants to turn Toews into the next Santorum.

I could write about your batshit-conservative prime minister, Stephen Harper, who's always proroguing the shit out of your parliament. (I don't know what proroguing is exactly, but like the shit in French on breakfast-cereal boxes, it sounds pretty fucking filthy.) But a better example of conservative batshittery would be Vic Toews. Canada's unofficial "Minister of Family Values," member of parliament Toews—surprise!—doesn't like the gays because we're a threat to the family and the institution of marriage. Toews has described gay-marriage ceremonies as satanic "Black Masses" and insisted that adding gays and lesbians to existing Canadian civil-rights statutes would bring the "jackboot of fascism [down] on the necks of our people."

You know where this is going, right?

It turned out that Toews—who once warned that gay marriage could lead to polygamy—was cheating on his wife of 25 years. After getting a much younger woman pregnant, Toews wound up getting divorced. Another marriage destroyed not by gays stomping around in fabulous jackboots, but by another straight "Christian" shitfuck politician slamming his dick into someone who isn't his wife.

Toews's affair became public two years ago, but the scandal didn't destroy him—he became minister of public safety this January—because the Canadian press sniffed that Toews's affair and divorce were private. Excuse me, Canadian-press pansies, but a politician who scares up votes attacking the private lives of others, a politician who insists that other people are out to destroy his marriage, can't be allowed to hide behind "my private business!" when it turns out that the only threat to the politician's marriage was the politician's own greasy cock.

Here's hoping that all straight folks everywhere one day realize that anti-gay ravers come in just two flavors: assholes who are externalizing their own internal struggles against homosexual desires (Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Charlie Crist, Joseph Ratzinger, et al.) and assholes who are attempting to compensate for and/or draw attention away from their own moral shortcomings (David Vitter, Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Vic Toews, et al.).

Toews is pronounced "taves," and it seems to me that it should be a word for something nasty. Get on it, Canada.

I think the Second City Hockey guys might suggest to Dan that it could be a term for a Belmont Transfer

[powen01]

Dan Savage wants to turn Toews into the next Santorum.

Fun stuff...

I think the Second City Hockey guys might suggest to Dan that it could be a term for a Belmont Transfer

That link is great:

"I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. Since the get-go, he has refused to give me oral sex because he just plain doesn't like it, doesn't like the taste. He says he doesn't even like looking at my vagina. He does, however, like me to give him oral sex. I've tried explaining the importance of oral for me, but he thinks I'm obsessing and says the act just grosses him out. I'm resenting this situation more and more. So much so that now I really don't feel like giving him oral sex. Any suggestions on how to improve this situation?

Needing Oral Tonight

Your situation will not improve, NOT, until you find yourself a boyfriend who isn't a fag.

There may be a few straight boys out there who don't like to eat pussy, sad to say, but a straight boy who doesn't even like to look at pussy? Unless there's something very seriously wrong with your pussy's appearance—a web of scars from a waxing gone horribly, horribly wrong; the Fox News logo tattooed on your pubic mound; the glowering face of a parasitic twin where your clit should be—your boyfriend is a fag, NOT. Do to your boyfriend what my one and only girlfriend should've done to me: DTMFA."

It's like the anti-NSBB of relationship advice.

[CT III]

Dan Savage wants to turn Toews into the next Santorum.

Fun stuff...

I think the Second City Hockey guys might suggest to Dan that it could be a term for a Belmont Transfer

That link is great:

"I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. Since the get-go, he has refused to give me oral sex because he just plain doesn't like it, doesn't like the taste. He says he doesn't even like looking at my vagina. He does, however, like me to give him oral sex. I've tried explaining the importance of oral for me, but he thinks I'm obsessing and says the act just grosses him out. I'm resenting this situation more and more. So much so that now I really don't feel like giving him oral sex. Any suggestions on how to improve this situation?

Needing Oral Tonight

Your situation will not improve, NOT, until you find yourself a boyfriend who isn't a fag.

There may be a few straight boys out there who don't like to eat pussy, sad to say, but a straight boy who doesn't even like to look at pussy? Unless there's something very seriously wrong with your pussy's appearance—a web of scars from a waxing gone horribly, horribly wrong; the Fox News logo tattooed on your pubic mound; the glowering face of a parasitic twin where your clit should be—your boyfriend is a fag, NOT. Do to your boyfriend what my one and only girlfriend should've done to me: DTMFA."

It's like the anti-NSBB of relationship advice.

You call that advice?  He should of at least told her to try vajazzling.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Que Q

[Slaky]

I've now read two entries on Mike Kiley's blog and I don't care how many sambas Fork and him have done together because this guy fucking flat out sucks as a writer. His ideas suck. His research sucks. His attempts at humor sucks. He sucks. SUCKS.

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/blackhawks-confidential/2010/03/blackhawks-must-hire-belfour-to-show-huet-how-to-talk-smack-kick-butt.html

This is the hockey equivalent of people bitching about Lovie Smith's demeanor.

[Quality Start Machine]

I've now read two entries on Mike Kiley's blog and I don't care how many sambas Fork and him have done together because this guy fucking flat out sucks as a writer. His ideas suck. His research sucks. His attempts at humor sucks. He sucks. SUCKS.

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/blackhawks-confidential/2010/03/blackhawks-must-hire-belfour-to-show-huet-how-to-talk-smack-kick-butt.html

This is the hockey equivalent of people bitching about Lovie Smith's demeanor.

I'm sure I speak for all of HOCKEENIGHT when I say Mike Kiley is a far better storyteller than he is an analyst.

[Waco Kid]

I've now read two entries on Mike Kiley's blog and I don't care how many sambas Fork and him have done together because this guy fucking flat out sucks as a writer. His ideas suck. His research sucks. His attempts at humor sucks. He sucks. SUCKS.

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/blackhawks-confidential/2010/03/blackhawks-must-hire-belfour-to-show-huet-how-to-talk-smack-kick-butt.html

This is the hockey equivalent of people bitching about Lovie Smith's demeanor.

After reading that pile of shit I'll consider that as payback for an earlier transgression.

[Slaky]

New Hawks ad debuts today.

This is pretty excellent considering this kid was me in the 90s. Listening to the games in bed on my clock radio because half of them weren't on tv. Pretty outstanding.