I admit it...

[PenFoe]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

Mike Schmidt is not amused by this.

[Powdered Toast Man]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

He wore #23 at the University of San Diego, then #17 and #19 in the minors. We all know he probably won't wear #23; #17 is taken by the first base coach I think and #19 is Jonathan Harrera.

I'm pulling for #17 since that's my favorite jersey number; I wore it when I was a kid because of Mark Grace and having Bryant take it from faceless nameless first base coach would be ideal. You know, for me again. It's all about me.

[SKO]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

Of all my favorite Penis wrongs, him being upset about comparing Kris Bryant to a guy who managed a 7.8 WAR season at the best offensive position in the majors during the height of the steroid era is my favorite.

[SKO]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

He wore #23 at the University of San Diego, then #17 and #19 in the minors. We all know he probably won't wear #23; #17 is taken by the first base coach I think and #19 is Jonathan Harrera.

I'm pulling for #17 since that's my favorite jersey number; I wore it when I was a kid because of Mark Grace and having Bryant take it from faceless nameless first base coach would be ideal. You know, for me again. It's all about me.

I can't imagine Nameless First Base coach wouldn't offer it up in a heartbeat if Kris asked for it, and man does that further highlight how ridiculously stupid having baseball coaches wear fucking uniforms is.

[PenFoe]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

He wore #23 at the University of San Diego, then #17 and #19 in the minors. We all know he probably won't wear #23; #17 is taken by the first base coach I think and #19 is Jonathan Harrera.

I'm pulling for #17 since that's my favorite jersey number; I wore it when I was a kid because of Mark Grace and having Bryant take it from faceless nameless first base coach would be ideal. You know, for me again. It's all about me.

You pretty sure he won't wear a retired number?

[PenFoe]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

Of all my favorite Penis wrongs, him being upset about comparing Kris Bryant to a guy who managed a 7.8 WAR season at the best offensive position in the majors during the height of the steroid era is my favorite.

Yes, let's hope that Kris Bryant peaks at 23 years old like Troy Glaus. 

[SKO]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

Of all my favorite Penis wrongs, him being upset about comparing Kris Bryant to a guy who managed a 7.8 WAR season at the best offensive position in the majors during the height of the steroid era is my favorite.

Yes, let's hope that Kris Bryant peaks at 23 years old like Troy Glaus. 

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

[Eli]

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

Guy: I think Bryant will be the best Cubs' third baseman since Santo, for sure.
Pen: What kind of asshole openly wishes for someone's legs to get amputated?

[PenFoe]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

Of all my favorite Penis wrongs, him being upset about comparing Kris Bryant to a guy who managed a 7.8 WAR season at the best offensive position in the majors during the height of the steroid era is my favorite.

Yes, let's hope that Kris Bryant peaks at 23 years old like Troy Glaus. 

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

For someone with a Kris Bryant avatar, you sure hate Kris Bryant.

[SKO]

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

Guy: I think Bryant will be the best Cubs' third baseman since Santo, for sure.
Pen: What kind of asshole openly wishes for someone's legs to get amputated?

Guy: Soler reminds me a lot of Roberto Clemente

Pen: *tackles Soler before he can board his next flight*

[Oleg]

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

Guy: I think Bryant will be the best Cubs' third baseman since Santo, for sure.
Pen: What kind of asshole openly wishes for someone's legs to get amputated?

Guy: Soler reminds me a lot of Roberto Clemente

Pen: *tackles Soler before he can board his next flight*

Guy: That Addison Russell has a lot of Ryne Sandberg in him.
Pen: *Fucks Russell's future wife*

Did I do that right?

[SKO]

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

Guy: I think Bryant will be the best Cubs' third baseman since Santo, for sure.
Pen: What kind of asshole openly wishes for someone's legs to get amputated?

Guy: Soler reminds me a lot of Roberto Clemente

Pen: *tackles Soler before he can board his next flight*

Guy: That Addison Russell has a lot of Ryne Sandberg in him.
Pen: *Fucks Russell's future wife*

Did I do that right?

Actually had an old guy pull out Ken Hubbs on me a few weeks back when I was talking about the Cubs prospects. "He won ROTY and then he died in a plane crash. Can't put all your eggs into the prospect basket."

Because I guess plane crashes are just a thing Theo should factor into his five year plan.

[Powdered Toast Man]

I just spent 15 minutes online looking to see if I could find out what number Kris' dad Mike wore when he played in the Red Sox system or in college.

I've got baseball cards and team pictures, but none that show the number.

I admit I've lost my mind.

I say either No. 8 or 25, since that's what Troy Glaus wore for most of his career.

He wore #23 at the University of San Diego, then #17 and #19 in the minors. We all know he probably won't wear #23; #17 is taken by the first base coach I think and #19 is Jonathan Harrera.

I'm pulling for #17 since that's my favorite jersey number; I wore it when I was a kid because of Mark Grace and having Bryant take it from faceless nameless first base coach would be ideal. You know, for me again. It's all about me.

You pretty sure he won't wear a retired number?

Well now I'm questioning everything.

[Eli]

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

Guy: I think Bryant will be the best Cubs' third baseman since Santo, for sure.
Pen: What kind of asshole openly wishes for someone's legs to get amputated?

Guy: Soler reminds me a lot of Roberto Clemente

Pen: *tackles Soler before he can board his next flight*

Guy: That Addison Russell has a lot of Ryne Sandberg in him.
Pen: *Fucks Russell's future wife*

Did I do that right?

Actually had an old guy pull out Ken Hubbs on me a few weeks back when I was talking about the Cubs prospects. "He won ROTY and then he died in a plane crash. Can't put all your eggs into the prospect basket."

Because I guess plane crashes are just a thing Theo should factor into his five year plan.

And only RsOTY can die in plane crashes.

[Oleg]

Yes, let's hope Pen never actually gets how player comps work, because this is amusing

Guy: I think Bryant will be the best Cubs' third baseman since Santo, for sure.
Pen: What kind of asshole openly wishes for someone's legs to get amputated?

Guy: Soler reminds me a lot of Roberto Clemente

Pen: *tackles Soler before he can board his next flight*

Guy: That Addison Russell has a lot of Ryne Sandberg in him.
Pen: *Fucks Russell's future wife*

Did I do that right?

Actually had an old guy pull out Ken Hubbs on me a few weeks back when I was talking about the Cubs prospects. "He won ROTY and then he died in a plane crash. Can't put all your eggs into the prospect basket."

Because I guess plane crashes are just a thing Theo should factor into his five year plan.

And only RsOTY can die in plane crashes.

Marshall should have totally had a backup football team on standby.