I admit it...

[Oleg]

I had a dream last night that the Royals offered me a job as their third base coach. I asked if I could talk to my wife about it since we have a 9 month old baby and there'd be a lot of travel involved. They said sure. I got back to them the next day to say yes but they said I took too long and had already given the job to Eli.

Fuck you, Eli. I hope you've got a jumpier arm than Wendell Kim.

Being decisive is a pretty important trait in a third-base coach, so you can't blame them for moving on to the next candidate.

And I'm sure this isn't the first dream a Desipiot has had about another Desipiot, but I'm not sure I want to know about most of them.

Sometimes I dream we're all working together at a start-up company and it's failing miserably and it's my fault.

There's potential here. Morph just sitting behind a calculator wearing one of those old-timey green billed things, screaming "THE DATA IS THE DATA", Fork bringing Malort to the 18th company party in a row and still thinking it's funny....we can work with this.

Bort taking on project after project and completing none. CT writing PenFoe up for 30th time for doing outside work on company time. Huard smashing his cubicle. Oleg and I on an outside sales trip straight out of Tommy Boy. Eli bringing up all the negative shit nobody wants to talk about during staff meetings. Andy selling us to a Chinese company and all of us getting fired. ...

No drug testing, right?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I had a dream last night that the Royals offered me a job as their third base coach. I asked if I could talk to my wife about it since we have a 9 month old baby and there'd be a lot of travel involved. They said sure. I got back to them the next day to say yes but they said I took too long and had already given the job to Eli.

Fuck you, Eli. I hope you've got a jumpier arm than Wendell Kim.

Being decisive is a pretty important trait in a third-base coach, so you can't blame them for moving on to the next candidate.

And I'm sure this isn't the first dream a Desipiot has had about another Desipiot, but I'm not sure I want to know about most of them.

Sometimes I dream we're all working together at a start-up company and it's failing miserably and it's my fault.

There's potential here. Morph just sitting behind a calculator wearing one of those old-timey green billed things, screaming "THE DATA IS THE DATA", Fork bringing Malort to the 18th company party in a row and still thinking it's funny....we can work with this.

Bort taking on project after project and completing none. CT writing PenFoe up for 30th time for doing outside work on company time. Huard smashing his cubicle. Oleg and I on an outside sales trip straight out of Tommy Boy. Eli bringing up all the negative shit nobody wants to talk about during staff meetings. Andy selling us to a Chinese company and all of us getting fired. ...

No drug testing, right?

There is, but if you test negative you better have a damn good reason.

[InternetApex]

Tonker phoning in for a conference call at 2 a.m. when everybody else is at home asleep. Chuck making wildly inaccurate financial projections that are taken with a grain of salt and cast aside. Hawk and Stew doing legal stuff between paintings and trips to the Sony Walkman repair shop. Shooter and Flannj looking at us like we're all complete morons and shopping their resume all over town. ...

[flannj]

... TJ wearing tassled loafers. Paul and TDubbs sexually harassing the few female employees we had to ensure we're a complete and totally helpless sausage fest, not that we needed much help. SKO writing super long angry memos that nobody reads. Archer hanging out at everybody else's cubicle just talking about, you know, stuff. Dan and ChuckDickens doing all the actually useful work that we all eat off of. Slaky beating the shit out of Ted Cruz...

flannj getting laid off after 28 productive years working for this firm.

edit: posted that a little too late

[InternetApex]

TEC leaving the front desk/security post unguarded to go get a haircut. Kermit quitting to start his own company then abandoning that company to follow his dream of being an actor under the bright lights of Napertucky. Kurt turning in projects that nobody understands, getting made fun of for it and quitting only to show up years later and argue with us about it again. Wheezer doing stuff in the basement that all the rest of us are really scared to even ask about. ...

[CBStew]

Tonker phoning in for a conference call at 2 a.m. when everybody else is at home asleep. Chuck making wildly inaccurate financial projections that are taken with a grain of salt and cast aside. Hawk and Stew doing legal stuff between paintings and trips to the Sony Walkman repair shop. Shooter and Flannj looking at us like we're all complete morons and shopping their resume all over town. ...

That is scary.  How did you know that my Sony Walkman was acting up?

[InternetApex]

Tonker phoning in for a conference call at 2 a.m. when everybody else is at home asleep. Chuck making wildly inaccurate financial projections that are taken with a grain of salt and cast aside. Hawk and Stew doing legal stuff between paintings and trips to the Sony Walkman repair shop. Shooter and Flannj looking at us like we're all complete morons and shopping their resume all over town. ...

That is scary.  How did you know that my Sony Walkman was acting up?

Hawk cc:'d the whole firm on your memo by accident. Or maybe he meant to do it since that's so all-fire important and all.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

carloszno1fan desperately trying to organize Friday after-work get togethers at the Cheesecake Factory.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Gil "accidentally" leaving an HR payroll file out in the open so that everyone can see how much money he makes.

[Brownie]

KD quitting late one Friday, leaving us only a cryptic e-mail about how we should try being sincere that we open Monday.

[Canadouche]

Dolan owning the company and keeping it barely afloat through his brilliance and despite our own ineptitude and infighting, only to deny any relationship or responsibility to anyone who might ask him about it in public.

[InternetApex]

I had a dream last night that the Royals offered me a job as their third base coach. I asked if I could talk to my wife about it since we have a 9 month old baby and there'd be a lot of travel involved. They said sure. I got back to them the next day to say yes but they said I took too long and had already given the job to Eli.

Fuck you, Eli. I hope you've got a jumpier arm than Wendell Kim.

Being decisive is a pretty important trait in a third-base coach, so you can't blame them for moving on to the next candidate.

And I'm sure this isn't the first dream a Desipiot has had about another Desipiot, but I'm not sure I want to know about most of them.

Sometimes I dream we're all working together at a start-up company and it's failing miserably and it's my fault.

There's potential here. Morph just sitting behind a calculator wearing one of those old-timey green billed things, screaming "THE DATA IS THE DATA", Fork bringing Malort to the 18th company party in a row and still thinking it's funny....we can work with this.

Bort taking on project after project and completing none. CT writing PenFoe up for 30th time for doing outside work on company time. Huard smashing his cubicle. Oleg and I on an outside sales trip straight out of Tommy Boy. Eli bringing up all the negative shit nobody wants to talk about during staff meetings. Andy selling us to a Chinese company and all of us getting fired. ...

No drug testing, right?

There is, but if you test negative you better have a damn good reason.

Nobody ever flunks because they're always interviewing elsewhere.

[Eli]

Eli bringing up all the negative shit nobody wants to talk about during staff meetings.

This is my informal role at my real job -- to stop bad ideas from moving forward. I enjoy it, if you can possibly imagine.

[Bort]

Eli bringing up all the negative shit nobody wants to talk about during staff meetings.

This is my informal role at my real job -- to stop bad ideas from moving forward. I enjoy it, if you can possibly imagine.

I hate to say it, but that sounds...fun.

[CT III]

TEC leaving the front desk/security post unguarded to go get a haircut. Kermit quitting to start his own company then abandoning that company to follow his dream of being an actor under the bright lights of Napertucky. Kurt turning in projects that nobody understands, getting made fun of for it and quitting only to show up years later and argue with us about it again. Wheezer doing stuff in the basement that all the rest of us are really scared to even ask about. ...

And I assume we're all constantly rotating in and out of various management positions because, you know, DARPA.