I admit it...

[Quality Start Machine]

I haven't started a Jack Davis Dead Pool thread because I don't have a good title.

What, me bury?

[Bort]

I haven't started a Jack Davis Dead Pool thread because I don't have a good title.

What, me bury?

Nah, he never really did Alfred E. Neuman stuff. And I was hoping to get some sort of EC horror comics angle.

[CBStew]

Even at his best Grandpa Abe Simpson could never construct a sentence like this:

Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you're a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.

[Quality Start Machine]

...There isn't anything left to get excited about with outdoor hockey games.

They should just rename the Winter Classic "The Chicago Blackhawks Invitational".

[Saul Goodman]

I want to see A-Rod reach 700 homers.

[Bort]

I want to see A-Rod reach 700 homers.

It's so weird how I could pretty much dislike a guy and still be annoyed at the Yankees for basically fucking him over constantly to assuage the ego of their True Yankee firstborn.

[flannj]

I want to see A-Rod reach 700 homers.

It's so weird how I could pretty much dislike a guy and still be annoyed at the Yankees for basically fucking him over constantly to assuage the ego of their True Yankee firstborn.

Sorry, but I don't give a fuck either way.

[Wheezer]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

[Edit.—Fuck, I also forgot to stop at the Hippie Mart for a can of mashed beans after the episode.]

[Eli]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

I actually understood most of this one.

[Bort]

I want to see A-Rod reach 700 homers.

It's so weird how I could pretty much dislike a guy and still be annoyed at the Yankees for basically fucking him over constantly to assuage the ego of their True Yankee firstborn.

Sorry, but I don't give a fuck either way.

I am capable of being annoyed at things that I ultimately don't give a fuck about. It's a gift.

[CBStew]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

I actually understood most of this one.

Wait.  What?  Panhandlers ask for money so that they can buy doxycycline?  I never heard of doxycycline before I read that post.  Do all of your panhandlers go to Med School?

[Wheezer]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

I actually understood most of this one.

Wait.  What?  Panhandlers ask for money so that they can buy doxycycline?  I never heard of doxycycline before I read that post.  Do all of your panhandlers go to Med School?

I didn't say that he pronounced it correctly. On the other hand, I was rudely treated as a drug-seeker at the so-called Jackson Park Hospital on Independence Day after fainting and fracturing the hell out of my ribs. These assholes haven't even coughed up the fucking films for my primary-care doctor, although the charge nurse, apparently irked that lying in a bay next to an elderly man crying "please help me" for several hours did not in fact remedy my discomfort, shouted out for no discernible reason to everybody else that "those were old fractures."

Thanks, pretend radiologist. Anyway, drug seekers can be sophisticated in this fashion. He was asking for 80 bucks, after all.

[CBStew]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

I actually understood most of this one.

Wait.  What?  Panhandlers ask for money so that they can buy doxycycline?  I never heard of doxycycline before I read that post.  Do all of your panhandlers go to Med School?

I didn't say that he pronounced it correctly. On the other hand, I was rudely treated as a drug-seeker at the so-called Jackson Park Hospital on Independence Day after fainting and fracturing the hell out of my ribs. These assholes haven't even coughed up the fucking films for my primary-care doctor, although the charge nurse, apparently irked that lying in a bay next to an elderly man crying "please help me" for several hours did not in fact remedy my discomfort, shouted out for no discernible reason to everybody else that "those were old fractures."

Thanks, pretend radiologist. Anyway, drug seekers can be sophisticated in this fashion. He was asking for 80 bucks, after all.

I was once approached on the street and was offered an opportunity to buy a brand new sweater that "just fell off the truck" for $40.  I turned him down and he asked what he could sell me for $40.  This was several years ago.  I assume that the street price has gone up.

[Wheezer]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

I actually understood most of this one.

Wait.  What?  Panhandlers ask for money so that they can buy doxycycline?  I never heard of doxycycline before I read that post.  Do all of your panhandlers go to Med School?

I didn't say that he pronounced it correctly. On the other hand, I was rudely treated as a drug-seeker at the so-called Jackson Park Hospital on Independence Day after fainting and fracturing the hell out of my ribs. These assholes haven't even coughed up the fucking films for my primary-care doctor, although the charge nurse, apparently irked that lying in a bay next to an elderly man crying "please help me" for several hours did not in fact remedy my discomfort, shouted out for no discernible reason to everybody else that "those were old fractures."

Thanks, pretend radiologist. Anyway, drug seekers can be sophisticated in this fashion. He was asking for 80 bucks, after all.

I was once approached on the street and was offered an opportunity to buy a brand new sweater that "just fell off the truck" for $40.  I turned him down and he asked what he could sell me for $40.  This was several years ago.  I assume that the street price has gone up.

A sweater? What size are you? I'm clearing out stuff. Brooks Brothers Shetland, navy, size 42. Name your price.

[flannj]

... Once my junkie detector went off, I was kind of mean to a guy who did in fact have signs of ongoing infection around the margin of a rather large, unbandaged wound on his calf who was petitioning for doxycycline money. The fact that the tattered script was dated July 21 (there was another) didn't help. He claimed that it had just been debrided but he only received a script rather than its filling from the UC ED.

I didn't call him out or, say, escort him to the pharmacy counter (Walgreens charges a fuckton for doxycycline) to check things out, but I did drag things out to the point that I brought up EMTALA while acknowledging that, yes, the Jackson Park Hospital blows.

The mean part is that I do in fact have a stash of topical and systemic, prescription and OTC antibiotics. Oh, and I pointed out that my clothes were worse when he played "look at my" in response to "you say you're homeless?" Finally, I noted that if he let the infection progress, a hospital would have to admit him.

I decided within about 45 seconds not to return with first aid. But then I did this.

I actually understood most of this one.

Wait.  What?  Panhandlers ask for money so that they can buy doxycycline?  I never heard of doxycycline before I read that post.  Do all of your panhandlers go to Med School?

I didn't say that he pronounced it correctly. On the other hand, I was rudely treated as a drug-seeker at the so-called Jackson Park Hospital on Independence Day after fainting and fracturing the hell out of my ribs. These assholes haven't even coughed up the fucking films for my primary-care doctor, although the charge nurse, apparently irked that lying in a bay next to an elderly man crying "please help me" for several hours did not in fact remedy my discomfort, shouted out for no discernible reason to everybody else that "those were old fractures."

Thanks, pretend radiologist. Anyway, drug seekers can be sophisticated in this fashion. He was asking for 80 bucks, after all.

I was once approached on the street and was offered an opportunity to buy a brand new sweater that "just fell off the truck" for $40.  I turned him down and he asked what he could sell me for $40.  This was several years ago.  I assume that the street price has gone up.

A sweater? What size are you? I'm clearing out stuff. Brooks Brothers Shetland, navy, size 42. Name your price.

Wheezer, I hope the sweater exchange works out but why did you faint?
And are you okay now?
(fully understanding that Wheezer and "okay" may be mutually exclusive)

Seriously though, why did you faint?