Lost: The Final Boner

[PenPho]

Tonight's episode is going to be fucking awesome.  All flashback.  All MIB and Jacob.  

Hopefully they show how he turned into the black smoke.  

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much.  

We get it, you read spoilers. Now shut the fuck up about them.

Apparently the spoilers are coming out like mustard colored poop.

I'm scared.

I haven't heard any other spoilers other than who adam and eve are. 
And I haven't heard anything at all about the finale.   I've been trying to avoid them, actually. 

Try harder.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Tonight's episode is going to be fucking awesome.  All flashback.  All MIB and Jacob.  

Hopefully they show how he turned into the black smoke.  

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much.  

We get it, you read spoilers. Now shut the fuck up about them.

Apparently the spoilers are coming out like mustard colored poop.

I'm scared.

I haven't heard any other spoilers other than who adam and eve are.  
And I haven't heard anything at all about the finale.   I've been trying to avoid them, actually.  

You still managed to just post a fucking spoiler.

Good job, dood.

You're an asshat.

[Richard Chuggar]

Tonight's episode is going to be fucking awesome.  All flashback.  All MIB and Jacob.  

Hopefully they show how he turned into the black smoke.  

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much.  

We get it, you read spoilers. Now shut the fuck up about them.

Apparently the spoilers are coming out like mustard colored poop.

I'm scared.

I haven't heard any other spoilers other than who adam and eve are.  
And I haven't heard anything at all about the finale.   I've been trying to avoid them, actually.  

You still managed to just post a fucking spoiler.

Good job, dood.

You're an asshat.

What spoiler?  This episode also will show the island.  Is that a spoiler too?

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Tonight's episode is going to be fucking awesome.  All flashback.  All MIB and Jacob.  

Hopefully they show how he turned into the black smoke.  

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much.  

We get it, you read spoilers. Now shut the fuck up about them.

Apparently the spoilers are coming out like mustard colored poop.

I'm scared.

I haven't heard any other spoilers other than who adam and eve are.  
And I haven't heard anything at all about the finale.   I've been trying to avoid them, actually.  

You still managed to just post a fucking spoiler.

Good job, dood.

You're an asshat.

What spoiler?  This episode also will show the island.  Is that a spoiler too?

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much. 

Once again: good job.

[Richard Chuggar]

Tonight's episode is going to be fucking awesome.  All flashback.  All MIB and Jacob.  

Hopefully they show how he turned into the black smoke.  

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much.  

We get it, you read spoilers. Now shut the fuck up about them.

Apparently the spoilers are coming out like mustard colored poop.

I'm scared.

I haven't heard any other spoilers other than who adam and eve are.  
And I haven't heard anything at all about the finale.   I've been trying to avoid them, actually.  

You still managed to just post a fucking spoiler.

Good job, dood.

You're an asshat.

What spoiler?  This episode also will show the island.  Is that a spoiler too?

and Adam and Eve will be revealed.  I know that much. 

Once again: good job.

I didn't say who they were, did I?  That'd be the spoiler.

[Yeti]

In the finale, we will find out who the new Jacob will be.

[R-V]

Not a fan of that episode. Seems to me there's hundreds of years of interesting story to tell about Jacob/MIB, and they spent a whole hour on a very limited time period on the island. And the handling of the magical golden cove was very hokey.

Goes to show that providing big answers (origins of Smokey, identity of Adam & Eve) does not necessarily equal entertaining television.

[Weebs]

Not a fan of that episode. Seems to me there's hundreds of years of interesting story to tell about Jacob/MIB, and they spent a whole hour on a very limited time period on the island. And the handling of the magical golden cove was very hokey.

Goes to show that providing big answers (origins of Smokey, identity of Adam & Eve) does not necessarily equal entertaining television.

THIS.

The magical, glowing cave was super ghey. The only interesting thing that came from the episode was finding out that Jacob is kind of the evil one. Or at least he's responsible for MIB.

[R-V]

Trying to wrap my head around last night's episode in the context of the entire show. Get ready for a lot of words. What am I missing/wronging?

Last night was The Beginning and established the objectives of each of our key players:

-   Jacob's first goal is to protect The Light/Pandora's Box/Ark of the Covenant/whatever you want to call it, because it is the source of all the good stuff in life. It can't be destroyed because then none of us would be able to take naps or eat bacon. It can't be found or exploited by Man, because then we'd become corrupt jagoffs obsessed with naps and bacon, and would eventually melt like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Jacob achieves this goal by killing off anyone who gets too close to discovering the light.
-   Jacob's second goal is to find someone to succeed him in his role of protector. Because like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, he's getting too old for this sh*t. Jacob attempts to achieve this goal by bringing Candidates to the Island, in the hopes of one day finding a Candidate who is righteous enough to protect The Light without being tempted to take a dip in it.
-   Jacob's motivation is to please his dead Mom, because he was always second fiddle to the smarter, specialer Brother. Jacob is kind of a weenie.
-   Smokey's goal is to leave the Island. He doesn't care about magic caves or the Corruption of Man, because he has lived among us and thinks we're already corrupt. Smokey knows that he can't leave the Island until he's the only one left on the Island (no Jacob or Candidate to stop him from leaving). Unfortunately due to Mother's Rules, he cannot kill Jacob or any Candidates. So he passes a few hundred years by manipulating Candidates into killing each other, by showing up as dead people or "infecting" them.
-   Smokey is motivated by a curiosity about where he comes from (he knows it's not The Island, but not much else) and a desire to prove Jacob wrong. He thinks Jacob's idealistic view of Man is laughable. He's also probably mad that Jacob killed him and left him with a plume of smoke as a body.

[R-V]

DPD. So now we know what these guys want. Here is what has happened timeline-wise on the island:

-   A long, long, long time ago: Last night's episode happens, ending with the beginning of Jacob and Smokey's game.
-   A long, long time ago: Some Egyptians show up on the Island. They start having issues with childbirth, so they build the statue of Taweret (goddess of fertility) to try and get some good mojo going. Jacob thinks the statue is pretty cool and decides to build a new bachelor pad in the foot. Some of these Egyptians are confronted/killed by Smokey. Jacob then meets up with these people, and helps them build a Temple that will protect them from Smokey. He also asks these people to help him protect the Candidates from Smokey. Jacob chooses someone to lead the Temple dudes. While this person is alive, Smokey cannot enter the Temple. This role is eventually passed down to Dogen. At some point the Temple guys get bored and put in a swimming pool. Jacob gives them some special sauce from The Light to add to this swimming pool, so they can heal people and stuff.
-   A long time ago: The Black Rock crashes on the Island and destroys Taweret, fortunately Jacob's bachelor pad remains intact. Richard is the sole survivor of the crash's aftermath, and after some back and forth, he decides to work for Jacob. Jacob makes Richard immortal and asks him to be Jacob's Assistant GM of People Brought to the Island. Richard accepts.
-   Between a long time ago and the 1950s: Jacob brings more people to the Island, and with Richard's help he starts a new gang called The Others. The point of The Others is for Jacob to prove to Smokey that people are inherently good and can live on the Island without messing it up. Smokey is either too disinterested to kill these people, or Jacob gives them The Secret of the Ash to protect against Smokey.
-   1950s: The US Army decides they want to test some bombs on The Island. The Others, led by two young go-getters named Charles Widmore and Ellie Hawking, kill/drive away these pesky soldiers. Thanks to some guidance from a time-traveling Daniel Faraday, Jughead is buried underground to solve the problem of radiation. All is well and The Others control the Island yet again. To celebrate their victory, Charles and Ellie bump uglies and decide to give the resulting kid (Faraday) a different last name for some reason.
-   1970s: The DHARMA Initiative finds the Island using the Mysterious Pendulum of Discovery in the Lamppost that Ellie Hawking tried to explain. They want to do some experiments and drop acid in an attempt to save the world or something. They are smart and figure out that a supersonic fence will keep Smokey out of their business. Women can have kids again for some reason, evidenced by Ethan being born. Ben and his dad show up, and Sawyer and the gang show up. Sayid shoots Ben, but Richard dips Ben in the Temple pool and Ben becomes a secret agent for the Others. Radzinsky decides to be a total douche and keep drilling when he shouldn't, and The Incident happens. Now women can't have kids and someone has to push a button every 108 minutes or the Island will release a massive electromagnetic fart. Way to go, Radzinsky.
-   1980s: Ben and Richard finally carry out Jacob's plan of killing all the DHARMA folk. Jacob was worried they would find the Light, although I'm not sure why they hadn't already. Jacob gets sick of living in the foot and moves into the quaint cabin that Stanley Goodspeed built in the woods.
-   Late 1980s: Rousseau and her team show up as Jacob's latest group of Candidates. Smokey is bored and makes some of them go crazy, and Rousseau kills them. Widmore tells Ben to kill Rousseau and her baby, because he is MAD WITH ISLAND POWER. Ben instead takes the more reasonable route of stealing the baby and raising her as his own. He then calls Widmore out for being a chump, and a few years later he takes Widmore's place as leader after finding out that Widmore was leaving the Island to make a baby (Penny).
-   2004: Jacob brings a whole bunch of Candidates to the Island with Oceanic 108. When Smokey encounters Locke and scans him, he sees that Locke is a patsy and comes to the realization that he doesn't have to kill Jacob – but he can trick someone else into doing it. Smokey sets the wheels in motion for Locke to bring everyone back, so he can take Locke's form, convince Ben to kill Jacob, round all the remaining Candidates up onto a sub, blow it up, and leave the Island. It almost work, but there are three Candidates left – Jack, Sawyer and Hurley.

And that's where we're at now.

[Weebs]

-   1970s: The DHARMA Initiative finds the Island using the Mysterious Pendulum of Discovery in the Lamppost that Ellie Hawking tried to explain. They want to do some experiments and drop acid in an attempt to save the world or something. They are smart and figure out that a supersonic fence will keep Smokey out of their business. Women can have kids again for some reason, evidenced by Ethan being born. Ben and his dad show up, and Sawyer and the gang show up. Sayid shoots Ben, but Richard dips Ben in the Temple pool and Ben becomes a secret agent for the Others. Radzinsky decides to be a total douche and keep drilling when he shouldn't, and The Incident happens. Now women can't have kids and someone has to push a button every 108 minutes or the Island will release a massive electromagnetic fart. Way to go, Radzinsky.

Was there a rule that Smokey couldn't talk to anybody else on the island?  I don't understand the motivation as to why he would want to kill Dharma folk and force them to put up the anti-Smokey devices.  If he was "killed" because he was trying to find "the Light" and created the donkey wheel (how the hell does that do anything?), then wouldn't he want to help the Initiative with their research?  I realize they were brought to the island to maybe Candidates, but it seems like right after his death & rebirth, Smokey had no motive to be on the island except to kill everyone else who came there.  I know he wanted to get off the island, but if he's supposed to be the same guy that had a rivalry with Jacob and killed his mom, you would think he still has some interest in the pockets of electromagnetism. And for that matter, if Allison Janney stopped Smokey from putting in the donkey wheel and collapsed the well, then how is there a donkey wheel for Ben and Locke to turn?  Lastly, after that clip of Jack talking to Kate about the Smokey/Janney bones, he tells her that they're only 40-50 years old.  I'm guessing they're magic bones powered by The Light, and they eventually stop decaying?

[Chuck to Chuck]

Jacob wants people dead?  Smokey's been doing all the killing.  And to protect The Light?  Isn't that all in Smokey now?  When MIB floated in, the light went out, didn't it?

[R-V]

Jacob wants people dead?  Smokey's been doing all the killing.  And to protect The Light?  Isn't that all in Smokey now?  When MIB floated in, the light went out, didn't it?

Jacob enlisted Richard and Ben to wipe out all the DHARMA folk.

Smokey has killed people, but has he directly killed any Candidates?

I don't think the Light went out when Smokey floated in. I'll have to rewatch that.

[Weebs]

Jacob wants people dead?  Smokey's been doing all the killing.  And to protect The Light?  Isn't that all in Smokey now?  When MIB floated in, the light went out, didn't it?

Jacob enlisted Richard and Ben to wipe out all the DHARMA folk.

Smokey has killed people, but has he directly killed any Candidates?

I don't think the Light went out when Smokey floated in. I'll have to rewatch that.

It didn't necessarily go out, but the water inside the cave turned from golden and bright to cloudy and black.  I'm guessing Smokey was "corrupting" the goodness in the world, although it seems to me that Jacob and his bitch of a mom are the evil ones, selfishly trying to keep anybody else from having fun on the island.

[Richard Chuggar]

Jacob wants people dead?  Smokey's been doing all the killing.  And to protect The Light?  Isn't that all in Smokey now?  When MIB floated in, the light went out, didn't it?

Jacob enlisted Richard and Ben to wipe out all the DHARMA folk.

Smokey has killed people, but has he directly killed any Candidates?

I don't think the Light went out when Smokey floated in. I'll have to rewatch that.

It didn't necessarily go out, but the water inside the cave turned from golden and bright to cloudy and black.  I'm guessing Smokey was "corrupting" the goodness in the world, although it seems to me that Jacob and his bitch of a mom are the evil ones, selfishly trying to keep anybody else from having fun on the island.

He can't kill the Candidates.  He would like to obviously.

I would have liked for them to have shown where Jacob and MIB's "mother" came from.  She was just this magical lady on the island already with these powers?