How you crappin'?

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Remember: sometimes poo, always pee.

That.

Hell, sometimes I pee twice when I shit, if I'm in there long enough.

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

[Eli]

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

[PenFoe]

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

[Oleg]

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

[Gilgamesh]

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

Unless there is some piss/foaeces combo stain on the seat, I'm planting my ass on it.  It's your ass, after all.  It's not like a toothbrush or something.

In re warm seats, it always takes the fun out of going to the bathroom to begin with, because I'm wondering the whole time, did the last guy just drop a monster deuce or just use it as a precautionary matter?

Besides, I always use the condo stall (handicap), which no non-handicapped person in the office uses anyway, because there are actual handicapped people in our office.  I don't feel bad about it.  I've never gotten caught...yet.

[PenFoe]

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

We have Lysol in the bathroom at work.
I just spray it on the rim and wipe it off before sitting.

[Oleg]

And staying seated while wiping means I don't have to worry about it.

And now we've come full circle, so I think we're done here.

But we haven't even discussed paper down vs. toilet seat cover yet!

What?  Fucking pussy.

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

We have Lysol in the bathroom at work.
I just spray it on the rim and wipe it off before sitting.

So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

[Slaky]

So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

[MAD]

So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Gladly.

This post earns a solid gold Desippy.

[Oleg]

So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Gladly.

This post earns a solid gold Desippy.

Seconded.  Awesome!

Did you high five the little hispanic dude on your way to the showroom?  I probably would have.  Unless you meant you were int he 300 N building.  Either way...

[BH]

Typed "Why" in GIS, got the following suggestions.

[Jon]

So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

Gladly.

This post earns a solid gold Desippy.

Seconded.  Awesome!

Did you high five the little hispanic dude on your way to the showroom?  I probably would have.  Unless you meant you were int he 300 N building.  Either way...

My god. That post was...glorious.

[Wheezer]

On the other hand, am I the only one who gets a little freaked out when I sit down and the toilet seat is warm?  Obviously, this only happens at work.

This is horrifying. I haven't voided my bowels at work since 1994, at least.

[Yeti]

So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

I want to be you

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

To those who've asked, "Why are we talking about this?"... I give you: Slaky.